Satire

NORAD to Track The Rapture

May 18, 2011 by Source
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The North American Aerospace Defense Command has today announced it’s intention to track the Rapture, as a curtain raiser to tracking the End of the World.

Commencing at 6pm on Saturday the 21st May, NORAD will use it’s highly acclaimed “SantaTracker” network of satellites and webcams to follow the Rapture from it’s beginning in Fiji and New Zealand and on, through the Far East, Asia, Europe and finally to the United States of America.

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Browsing Fine Art Collections and Finding Ocean Beach

March 15, 2011 by Dixon Guizot
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If you haven’t checked out Google Art Project yet, you’re in for a treat. The site uses a technology similar to “street view” to enable virtual strolls through the halls and rooms of 17 famous art museums, from London’s National Gallery to Madrid’s Museo Reina Sofia to New York’s MoMA. Recently, while using Art Project […]

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“Lots of Iraqi kids up here” says Christina-Taylor Green in email from Heaven

February 3, 2011 by Dixon Guizot
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In an email recently reviewed by The OB Rag, nine-year-old Tucson shooting victim Christina-Taylor Green confirmed that she is in Heaven and described life on the other side of the Pearly Gates. “I’ve been learning lots of games from the Middle East, because there’s lots of Iraqi kids up here,” Green wrote. “They’re everywhere in […]

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Top Ten New Locations for Walmart in San Diego

January 29, 2011 by Doug Porter
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For those of you who haven’t been following the news, the mighty Wal-Mart Corporation has bought themselves some City Council members and a Mayor with promises of a dozen new locations throughout San Diego in the next five years. Now this is the same company that a decade ago promised a bunch of new Supercenters […]

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Republican National Committee staffers flustered by strange requests from new chairman Reince Priebus

January 20, 2011 by Dixon Guizot
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Editor: Here’s the latest from our chief satirist Shane Finneran and his ongoing research into the strange doings of Republican politicians.

Employees at RNC headquarters expressed bewilderment after receiving an expansive, 286-page document outlining the needs and demands of incoming Chairman Reince Priebus.

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Newly Formed PAC for Poor People Lobbies San Diego Politicians

January 7, 2011 by Dixon Guizot
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“For too long, poor people haven’t had a seat at the table in American politics,” said Newt Gingrich. “Now, thanks to their new political action committee, the voices of the poor will be heard.”

Newt Gingrich

Gingrich was speaking in his new capacity as executive director of Poor People of America, a recently formed PAC that visited San Diego to lobby local politicians. Gingrich said the group will be focused on advancing the interests of the nation’s poor and has already raised “a substantial amount of revenue.”

“It’s true that each individual poor person doesn’t have that much money to donate,” Gingrich said. “The thing is we have 47 million Americans living in poverty today, so even tiny little donations add up.”

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Mayor Sanders says San Diego should subsidize stadium by selling sun

January 1, 2011 by Dixon Guizot
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“When people think of San Diego, they think of sunshine,” said San Diego Mayor Jerry Sanders. “I’m here to tell you we can make money off that.”

At a press conference held in his City Hall office, Sanders said the city could raise “a substantial amount of cash” through a “sale-leaseback” arrangement focused on the sun.

Under Sanders’ proposal, San Diego would receive a large, lump-sum payment for its sunshine rights. A year later, the city would begin paying a daily sunshine royalty — but only on days when the sun comes out.

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OB Rag Exclusive: New Wikileaks release details CIA surveillance of Ocean Beach

December 23, 2010 by Dixon Guizot
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The ongoing drama surrounding leaked diplomatic cables came to Ocean Beach today when the Wikileaks organization released a report from an American intelligence agent sent to OB to investigate “possible revolutionary sentiment.” The report, which the unidentified agent submitted to CIA higher-ups in mid-2010, seemed to downplay reports of a secessionist movement in the area. […]

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Ask an OB Convert: To Be OB, to Tree or not to Tree

December 19, 2010 by OB Convert
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Need help developing your  OB attitude?  Just ask OB Convert in a new column to spark discussion on what it means “To Be OB”. Readers, send your questions to us at OBRagBlog@gmail.com Dear OB Convert: I just moved to OB and I love it here.  I want to know if buying a real tree that […]

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Our country can’t afford to tax the rich

December 17, 2010 by Dixon Guizot
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Originally appeared in the Dec. 14 issue of City Times, the campus newspaper of San Diego City College. Admittedly, the USA needs money to help pay for vital American programs such as Medicare and foreign occupations. But the push by some Democrats to let tax cuts expire for America’s highest earners is too much audacity, […]

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Ocean Beach vs North Park: A migrant’s observations

December 15, 2010 by Dixon Guizot
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In early 2010, my wife and I packed up our Brighton Street apartment — all 450 square feet — and moved from Ocean Beach to North Park. We were drawn by the lures of a bigger place and a new neighborhood experience, and after about a year on the other side (of Interstate 5), North […]

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Hey, Obama, here’s some stuff we can cut in San Diego

December 7, 2010 by Dixon Guizot
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As everyone knows, President Obama is a gifted orator who has voiced several rousing, meaningless, and unmemorable riffs on abstract concepts like hope and change. But he’s never been as inspiring as he was yesterday, when he told the nation how we won’t be raising taxes on our super-rich. To hear the president, in a […]

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Halloween Scare: Meg Whitman came to OB – not to buy a surfboard but – to buy the community.

October 31, 2010 by Frank Gormlie
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During Meg Whitman’s Halloween visit to San Diego today – Sunday, October 31st – we have learned that she will push her offer to actually buy the community of Ocean Beach to local leaders.

During Whitman’s visit to Ocean Beach earlier in the week, much was made of her stop at a local OB surf shop to buy a surfboard and telephone the governor of Texas over a wager involving the World’s Series. Whitman was supposedly wagering the surfboard for a pair of Texan boots over the victor of the baseball games. But this was just the spin of why she really was here.

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Stewart and Colbert’s political ‘joke’ – both plan “dueling rallies” in DC

September 21, 2010 by Source
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Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert have cast their faux dueling Washington rallies as a kind of grand satire of the current state of media and politics.

“It’s just like everything they do – it’s really for the joke,” said one person familiar with the planning of the October 30 event, who asked – in the spirit of the “Daily Show” – to be described as a “senior administration official.”

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QUICK! CHECK THIS OUT: Frank Gormlie’s Secret Plan to Take Over the Ocean Beach Town Council

September 2, 2010 by Source
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Psst! Hey Ocean Beach. Quick – check this out! I just found Frank Gormlie’s papers that he tried to burn recently, and they’re entitled: “Secret Plans To Take Over the OB Town Council.” It looks like he tried to burn them in the fireplace. But I rescued enough of the documents to put together where it was all headed. And it’s not pretty.

My name is George, and I’m Frank’s brother, but we’re estranged, and he doesn’t know I got the ADMIN password for the blog, and he doesn’t know that I’m doing this, or that I even found some of the burnt documents!

I’ve managed to decipher the substance of the plans, and I outline them here:

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Vitamin D Deficiency (Lack of Sun) Making OBcians Grumpy

August 16, 2010 by Frank Gormlie
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A special team of medical researchers, sociologists, psychologists and public health workers have just concluded a very telling study and have issued a confidential report to local media: Vitamin D deficiency caused from lack of sun is affecting many OBcieans and other coastal types.

The effect: it’s causing beach people to be grumpy.

With the rare lack of sunshine in OB during the summer months of July and August, the local population is suffering cognitive and behavior effects, associated with Vitamin D deficiency (VDD). Normally the coast and the beaches are bathed in strong sunlight these months. But not this year. The coolest and grayest summer on record since the Thirties – when FDR was President.

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The capture of a pirate – photo gallery

August 13, 2010 by Frank Gormlie
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Haar haar haar! Shiver me timbers and a barrel of rum!

Note: we promised to post this gallery of Jim Grant’s photos of the recent capture of a pirate off the coast of Ocean Beach today, Friday the 13th – if readers would send in more pirate jokes.

Actually, it could be very appropriate to post these pics on Friday the 13th, because Friday the 13th comes to us from history – the day that the Pope in Rome ordered the arrests and slaughter of the Knights Templar all across Europe.

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Jesus Comes To Comic-Con, A Photo Gallery

July 23, 2010 by Doug Porter
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The kids at Comic-Con organized a spontaneous counter-demonstration in response to the pickets from the Kansas based hate group today. Asked for a comment about the signs carried by the members of the Westboro Baptist Church, Jesus said, “Boy, those people have issues!”.

All photos by Doug Porter

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Movie Review: “Exit Through the Gift Shop” is deceptively delicious

May 10, 2010 by Dixon Guizot
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Documentary? Comedy? Satire? Hoax?

It’s tough to pigeonhole Exit Through The Gift Shop, currently playing at Landmark Theaters in Hillcrest. The film is directed by UK street art superstar Bansky and tells the story of his rise to fame — though it does so indirectly.

Exit’s purported focus is amateur filmmaker Thierry Guetta, an absent-minded Frenchman and associate of Banksy’s who speaks in comically accented English and decides to become a superstar street artist himself.

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BREAKING NEWS: California Begins Construction of Border Fence Along Arizona Border

April 29, 2010 by Frank Gormlie
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In response to the State of Arizona’s new immigration law, California volunteers have begun construction of a new border fence along the Colorado River.

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‘The Big Lebowski’ and Its Dudeness

December 30, 2009 by Source
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By Dwight Garner / The New York Times / December 29, 2009

Joel and Ethan Coen’s 1998 movie, “The Big Lebowski,” which stars Jeff Bridges as a beatific, pot-smoking, bowling-obsessed slacker known as the Dude, snuck up on the English-speaking world during the ’00s: it became, stealthily, the decade’s most venerated cult film. It’s got that elusive and addictive quality that a great midnight movie has to have: it blissfully widens and expands in your mind upon repeat viewings.

“The Big Lebowski” has spawned its own shaggy, fervid world: drinking games, Halloween costumes, bumper stickers (“This aggression will not stand, man”) and a drunken annual festival that took root in Louisville, Ky., and has spread to other cities.

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Far Out, Groovy and Outta Sight: Remembering the OB Ranger

August 28, 2009 by Staff

OB Ranger and his trusty sidekick Indian (from the CD cover art)
Originally posted August 24, 2009
By OB Rag Staffer

“From out of a cave at the foot of Sunset Cliffs, the thundering hoof beats pound, with a hearty ‘Hi Yo Sylvia, away!’ The OB Ranger rides again.”

The OB Ranger was a radio series that aired on “HIS Radio, FM stereo ninety” in 1971 and 72. It was a spoof of the old “Lone Ranger” radio show, but a lot more fun. Ranger fans tuned in every week to find out what new trouble the OB Ranger would stumble his way into.

He introduced himself with “Far out, groovy and outta sight, I am the OB Ranger!”

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San Diego mainstream media ignore large fire 30 miles away (again)… because it’s in Mexico

August 26, 2009 by Frank Gormlie
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UPDATE: Late Wed. afternoon: Cal Fire is monitoring a brush fire that is about a half-mile inside Mexico near the U.S.-Mexico border. The blaze is about a half-acre in size and is burning east of Potrero, south of state Route 94 below Bell Valley, a Cal Fire spokesman said.

Firefighters said the fire appears to be burning away from the border.

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Phallic Logic? Local Wingnuts Aim At Street Fair – June 27th

June 17, 2009 by Doug Porter
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by Douglas Porter

The local blogosphere is chock full of rumors that Union Tribune editorial writer Chris Reed is readying a post exposing the Ocean Beach Street Fair & Chili Cookoff’s connections to organized labor groups. Reed, who spent his formative years undergoing ideological training at The Orange County Register, joined the UT in 2005 and pens the paper’s online sop to wingnuts entitled “America’s Finest Blog”.

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Open Letter to Judge Hofmann re: dispersal of the seals

May 28, 2009 by Source
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Dear Superior Court Judge Yuri Hofmann,

As a US Citizen residing here in San Diego, I would like to thank you and applaud your efforts to disperse the seals at the “Children’s Pool” beach in La Jolla. I hope to see these actions succeed, and the beach be returned to the hands of its true owners, the people of San Diego.

Often dumbfounded by the countless trespassing violations and blockages of public right-of-way by the members of the “animal kingdom,” …

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A Couple of Fabulous Marketing Ideas for the GOP

May 5, 2009 by Doug Porter
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by Doug Porter

Now that Congress has gotten around to considering the “Families for ED Advertising Decency Act.” (It would limit advertisements for products like Cialis and Viagra to only be broadcast between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m.), it’s clear that Republicans have time to focus their energies on bigger fish, like saving their party from extinction.

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Help the Republican Party pick a new name.

April 24, 2009 by Doug Porter
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by Doug Porter

Unlike our fair city of San Diego, our nation’s capitol boasts two daily newspapers. Pretty much everybody has heard of the Washington Post since that “Watergate” thingie happened and Hollywood made a movie about how great it was and stuff. And while the Washington Post has become sad shadow of the “great” (meaning many pages) newspaper it once was, both conservatives and liberals still enjoy sitting around their victrolas and talking about the left wing conspiracies that surely must be going on behind the scenes at the paper.

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Waterboard Sean Hannity? Yes, please.

April 23, 2009 by Jon Carr
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by Jon Carr

Last night (4/22/09) on Faux News, Conservative Right Wing pundit Sean Hannity engaged in a debate with Charles Grodin over the hot topic of torture or as the right wing prefers to call it, “enhanced interrogation.”

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Karl Rove Arrested by Capitol Police

April 1, 2009 by Staff
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Karl Rove, once acclaimed as George Bush’s brain, was arrested yesterday by Capitol Police. Rove had returned to the Capitol for a speaking engagement, when he was confronted by officers with a warrant for his arrrest for his failure to testify before Congress.

The specific charges were not available at press time.

Alberto Gonzalez, Rove’s attorney, called the arrest “outrageous!”

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Sanders Lands Auto Plant As Part of GM Breakup – “It takes a village to raise a Hummer.”

April 1, 2009 by Doug Porter

The OB Rag has learned through reliable sources that San Diego Mayor Jerry Sanders has negotiated a deal to re-locate manufacturing facilities for the Hummer all-terrain vehicles at the old Ryan Air plant. The facility was lured from its South Bend, Indiana location with a substantial incentive package that includes $63 million in cash and tax deferments and a pledge by Saunders that all City vehicles purchased over the next five years would be Hummers.

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