Category: Satire

The Callen Report

By Kate Callen

1. Are you surprised that so many of your 2020 supporters are sitting out your 2024 campaign?
2. Do you understand why the picture of you perched on a golden throne has exposed you to ridicule?
3. Is it true you’ve already set the record for ribbon cuttings, proclamations, dedications, celebrations, and other “victory lap” photo ops by a San Diego mayor in a single term?
4. When you cut the ribbon at the 2022 opening of North Park’s “climate action” 30th Street bike lanes, were you driven to and from the event in your city-issued gas-guzzling SUV?

In some great satirical news, UC San Diego is offering space for on-campus housing during Comic-Con International, held in San Diego this year from July 25 through July 28.

Colleen Kollar Smith, the executive director of UCSD’s Campus Performances and Events Office, announced that the university will make available dozens of tents — slightly used — that it has for use during the event in downtown San Diego.

The tents were collected during an episode on campus about a month ago. Some tents have slight tear and some have a slight smell of teargas (these are from UCLA).

It’s no secret that ground squirrels have overrun the grounds at Liberty Station. The growing population of ground squirrels have been seen running around and also taking over the San Diego waterfront over the last few weeks.

A spokesperson for the city’s Parks and Recreation Department said staff are keeping “an eye on all areas of Liberty Station park space that fall under the City of San Diego’s jurisdiction” for population growth of the ground squirrels.

Yet, Mayor Gloria’s team — with an eye on the upcoming election — has recommended that the squirrels be trapped and placed in a warehouse near the airport. Rachel Laing, Gloria’s PR person, claims a 1,000 squirrels could be housed in a warehouse Team Gloria has identified near freeways and away from residential areas.

WHDSF stands for “Wildfires, Heatwaves, Droughts, Storms, and Floods,” and is a handy way to remember the range of catastrophic change we’re going through.

By David Helvarg / Common Dreams / Dec. 17, 2023

If people can remember socially important acronyms like LGBTQ + and an older generation can’t get toxic advertising acronyms like LSMFT out of their brains (BTW—it stands for “Lucky Strike Means Fine Tobacco”) we might all want to start remembering WHDSF whenever the issue of climate change comes up.

WHDSF stands for “Wildfires, Heatwaves, Droughts, Storms, and Floods,”

When the city of San Diego enforced its ban on homeless encampments, neighboring cities like Chula Vista experienced an influx of unhoused people.

Sebastian Martinez, the executive director of a Chula Vista-based nonprofit that provides homeless services for the South Bay, told 7SanDiego:

“We’ve already seen, even in the weeks leading up to the actual announcement of San Diego’s camping ban, a huge influx of folks, folks that aren’t from Chula Vista, National City or IB.”

And now Chula Vista, the county’s second-largest city, is considering its own homeless camping ban.

By Frank Gormlie

Indeed, if La Jolla can secede from the City of San Diego, why can’t the Peninsula? The Peninsula — made up of the communities of Point Loma, Ocean Beach and the Midway District — could be its own city, its own municipality.

First, to answer my own question, La Jolla hasn’t seceded — yet — from San Diego, although there’s been countless efforts to do so since the 1950s.

By David Helvarg / MongaBay / April 12, 2023

Today I’m a waterlogged Californian, but soon I’ll be baked dry as a bone. The intensity of extreme drought and rainfall has “sharply” increased over the past 20 years, according to a new study published in the journal Nature Water.

Next July – ‘Hey kids, I’m putting on my Dune vapor recovery suit, is there anything you want from the abandoned gas station?’

Alien life forms emerged from a suspected Chinese surveillance balloon this past weekend near Escondido. More to follow!

Satire by Tom Mullaney

I read that the City of San Diego has purchased 25 acres of open space land to add to Mission Trails Park.  That’s good news!

The next piece of good news that I am anticipating —

Mayor Todd Gloria will make this announcement:

1. He realizes that the various developer incentives, including zoning waivers, have not been beneficial.

2. He’ll acknowledges that housing prices in the City of San Diego and the region are  a function of market forces.  Housing prices have risen throughout the nation.  Prices in San Diego are higher than many regions in the U.S. because many Americans’ want to live here and invest here, and have the money to do it.