Satire

As South San Diego County Cities Enact Camping Bans, the Unhoused Will Be Pushed to the Border. Now There’s an Idea – A Short Satire

September 1, 2023 by Frank Gormlie

When the city of San Diego enforced its ban on homeless encampments, neighboring cities like Chula Vista experienced an influx of unhoused people.

Sebastian Martinez, the executive director of a Chula Vista-based nonprofit that provides homeless services for the South Bay, told 7SanDiego:

“We’ve already seen, even in the weeks leading up to the actual announcement of San Diego’s camping ban, a huge influx of folks, folks that aren’t from Chula Vista, National City or IB.”

And now Chula Vista, the county’s second-largest city, is considering its own homeless camping ban.

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If La Jolla Can Secede from San Diego, Why Can’t the Peninsula?

April 26, 2023 by Frank Gormlie

By Frank Gormlie

Indeed, if La Jolla can secede from the City of San Diego, why can’t the Peninsula? The Peninsula — made up of the communities of Point Loma, Ocean Beach and the Midway District — could be its own city, its own municipality.

First, to answer my own question, La Jolla hasn’t seceded — yet — from San Diego, although there’s been countless efforts to do so since the 1950s.

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Is There a ‘Lighter Side’ to Our Possible Environmental Apocalypse?

April 19, 2023 by Source

By David Helvarg / MongaBay / April 12, 2023

Today I’m a waterlogged Californian, but soon I’ll be baked dry as a bone. The intensity of extreme drought and rainfall has “sharply” increased over the past 20 years, according to a new study published in the journal Nature Water.

Next July – ‘Hey kids, I’m putting on my Dune vapor recovery suit, is there anything you want from the abandoned gas station?’

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Night of the Living Woke Mind Virus

March 14, 2023 by Source

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Suspicious Balloon Discovered Near Escondido

February 15, 2023 by Staff

Alien life forms emerged from a suspected Chinese surveillance balloon this past weekend near Escondido. More to follow!

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Good News Coming From San Diego Mayor Gloria – (Satire)

August 17, 2022 by Source

Satire by Tom Mullaney

I read that the City of San Diego has purchased 25 acres of open space land to add to Mission Trails Park. That’s good news!

The next piece of good news that I am anticipating —

Mayor Todd Gloria will make this announcement:

1. He realizes that the various developer incentives, including zoning waivers, have not been beneficial.

2. He’ll acknowledges that housing prices in the City of San Diego and the region are a function of market forces. Housing prices have risen throughout the nation. Prices in San Diego are higher than many regions in the U.S. because many Americans’ want to live here and invest here, and have the money to do it.

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Ocean Beach and Point Loma News – April First, 2022

April 1, 2022 by Frank Gormlie

Rents Fall As 1000s of Former Vacation Rentals Return to the Market

With San Diego’s new short-term vacation rental policy going into effect, local rents have dramatically fallen as thousands of former vacation rentals have returned to the market. The number of “For Rent” signs have significantly jumped across the beach communities, particularly in Ocean Beach. There is one report of a landlord standing at an intersection with a large sign that said, “I Have a Great Place for Rent” followed by his phone number. There is such a demand for renters, that rental agencies and many homeowners have dropped their strict credit requirements and background checks.

This is satire written for April Fool’s Day

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A Satirical Take on San Diego Mayor Todd Gloria’s ‘State of the City Address.’

January 17, 2022 by Source

The “Real” 2022 State of the City Address

By Mat Wahlstrom

Good evening.

Council President Sean Elo-Rivera and select members of the City Council, City Attorney Mara Elliott, Underboss Jay Goldstone, City of La Mesa Councilmember Colin Parent, and Don Jerry Sanders.

I’d also like to welcome our local and transnational representatives of global capital and our outstanding City of San Diego political appointees from the previous administration.

My fellow San Diegans of means…

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90% of San Diego Cops Say They Would Rather Be Fired Than Fired Upon

September 22, 2021 by Frank Gormlie

This is satire

Roughly nine out of 10 members of the San Diego Police Officers Association who responded to a recent survey say they would rather be fired than fired upon.

733 current officers took the poll, conducted by the Police Officers Association, and 45% responded that they cannot comply with the Department’s requirements that they conduct patrols and risk being killed or wounded by gunfire. And roughly 65% said they would consider resigning from their jobs if the city and the department forced them to go out on patrol.

In fact, they say, 35 San Diego police officers have died in the line of duty since the force was created, and they do not intend to add their names to the hallowed list. The SDPD was first formed in 1889.

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Forget the Election, the Real Fraud Was in the Baseball Playoffs

December 14, 2020 by Source

By Steve Rodriguez / Times of San Diego / December

I don’t want to talk about the recent election. I’m tired of politics.

It was a long campaign and I’m emotionally worn out from all the debates, and the tweets, and the rallies.

Instead, I want to discuss the past baseball season. I’m sure all of you know the Dodgers won the World Series, but in order to get to the Word Series they first had to beat the San Diego Padres in a playoff series. Sure, if you’re a Dodgers fan, you’re really happy about beating the Padres.

But there’s one thing I want you to know…those games between the Dodgers and the Padres back in October were RIGGED.

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In Defense of ‘Meh’: Enough With this AOC Character Already!

April 1, 2019 by Jim Miller

This post was written for April 1st.

By Jim Miller

Recently, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez took an unwarranted shot at the heart and soul of American Democracy: the moderates. As NBC news reported, AOC opined that:

“Moderate is not a stance. It’s just an attitude towards life of, like, ‘meh,’” she said, shrugging her shoulders for emphasis. “We’ve become so cynical, that we view ‘meh,’ or ‘eh’ — we view cynicism as an intellectually superior attitude, and we view ambition as youthful naivete when … the greatest things we have ever accomplished as a society have been ambitious acts of visions.

“The ‘meh’ is worshiped now. For what?” she continued to cheers.

What can one say about this impudent snark other than, how dare she?

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A Letter to Duncan Hunter from the Aspirationally Corrupt

October 15, 2018 by Source

WARNING: The following article is satire.

By Brett Warnke

October, 2018

Dear Dunc,

May I call you Dunc? I want to be familiar with you. I want to know you. I’ll tell you the straight stuff: I want to be a crook.

As it stands, I’m a greedy teacher. I know! Children, facts, unions, books!

It’s all so frightfully boring, so paperwork-y and tedious. Some of my children are homeless. They live in vans. Sometimes I show them pictures of your sprawling Alpine home just to make them feel bad about not being born rich, like you.

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New Limebike Prototype Hits Ocean Beach

April 2, 2018 by Frank Gormlie

A new Limebike prototype hit Ocean Beach this morning.

A reader of ours talked to the guy dropping them off on Newport Avenue.

He was showing the local the changes made in response to community feedback specific to Ocean Beach.

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Confessions of an Airbnb Host

November 29, 2017 by Source

Editor’s Note: The following is an interview with an Airbnb host.

by Chuck Thassing

I’m sitting down with an Airbnb host to discuss the dollars and sense of short term vacation rentals (STVRs). These have been a hotly debated issue in San Diego, and our 9 city councilmembers are gearing up for a vote on December 12th on how to regulate it. The stories run the gamut from displaced residents and frat parties in residential neighborhoods, to desperately needed supplemental income and other benefits of the “sharing economy”.

Q: So tell us about your rental unit.

A: Last year I converted a little 1 bedroom beach cottage in Ocean Beach into a short term rental and listed it on Airbnb.

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Joint Southern Western Region City-County Low-No Income Housing Relief Task Force Unveils Pilot Program

August 15, 2016 by Source

By Bell Donic, Staff Writer

South Western Region: The Joint South Western Region City-County Low-No income Housing
Relief Task Force (JSWRCCLNIHRTF) offered guided tours of a pilot program at a location on the west side during their gala event announcing the installations near the green and picturesque foot of Washington Street.

Advocates stressed the ease of installation, and the ease of creating very small group areas, the durability of the units, low cost to the taxpayers, the residents’ improved self-image attained as a result of not sleeping in the bushes somewhere, but, instead, in a sturdy, solid, free space.

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Reader Rant: “The community is being snookered about City’s lack of enforcement of 30-foot height violations.”

July 22, 2016 by Source

By Local One

I attended the Peninsula Community Planning Board meeting last night (Thursday, July 21) and listened intently to the presentations made by Mayor Faulconer’s representative and the head of the Developmental Services Department.

Boy oh boy, what a bunch of packaged lies we were fed last night. The people can see with their own eyes that the community is being snookered with regard to the lack of enforcement, and continuing DSD approval, of numerous violations of the existing MC defined 30 foot coastal height limit.

Speaker after speaker last night quoted directly from the Municipal Code in which the law is absolutely clear with regard to measuring the 30? height, but City representatives from the Mayor’s office and DSD kept insisting that the City Attorney’s office interprets the voter approved Proposition D very differently than any common sense reading of the law.

Further, the Mayor and DSD shut down the Emerson Street project based on a violation of the FAR standards, NOT the obvious violation of the 30 foot coastal height limit.

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Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and Improv Street Theater in San Diego

April 15, 2016 by Source

“We’re here to comfort those who are disturbed and disturb those who are comfortable.”

By Barbara Zaragoza

Sister Donatello Soul and Sister Kali Vagilistic X.P. Aladocious

The Sister’s of Perpetual Indulgence, San Diego Chapter came into existence in April 2005. Fourteen San Diegans went up to Los Angeles and talked to their SPI about starting an order. Thereafter, the San Diego Sisters established their SPI chapter and called it the “Asylum of the Tortured Heart, Inc.,” devoting themselves to outreach for those on the edges.

Eleven years later, the Sisters still use humor and irreverent wit to expose the forces of bigotry and complacency.

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April Fool’s News from Ocean Bleach and Pot Loma

April 1, 2016 by Frank Gormlie

* Parrot Shooter Apprehended After Pellet Gun Misfires
* Homeless Hold “People’s Court” and Dish-out Sentences to Thief and Ear Slashers
* FAA Re-Routes Airplane Take-off Routes Over La Jolla and Coronado
* City Crews Decide Torrey Pines Are Not in Danger of Falling – Plan to Plant New Torries

* Decline in Deaths and Injuries at Sunset Cliffs
* Two Breweries on Newport Close – Bookstore and Dispensary to Open
* Homeless Contract With OB Merchants to Clean Sidewalks and Streets

* Travel Blog Downgrades Ocean Beach
* Huge Turn-out at OB Planning Board Election – Inspirational Slate Elected
* Tourists Unite and Clean Beaches and Parks

AND MUCH MORE INSIDE…

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The Bedeviled Dictionary

January 15, 2016 by Source

By Bob Dorn / San Diego Free Press

(Inspired by The Devil’s Dictionary, which Wikipedia says is “a satirical dictionary written by American journalist and author Ambrose Bierce. Originally published in 1906 as The Cynic’s Word Book, it features Bierce’s witty and often ironic spin on many common English words.”)

Three of the definitions here were written by Ambrose Bierce. Can you guess which ones?

A
Apocalyptician Elected, by god.

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Psychiatrists Analyzed ‘Star Wars’ Characters And Discovered They All Have Mental Conditions

December 21, 2015 by Source

star wars photo Photo by tookapic (Pixabay)

Darth Vader has PTSD and C-3PO has OCD.

By Kali Holloway / AlterNet

Students of psychiatry learn about all kinds of psychopathology, but it can be hard to take textbook definitions and imagine how they manifest in actual people…and, you know, others.

So a group of psychiatrists, noting that Star Wars is “timeless, universal, and incorporated into shared culture,” recently diagnosed the psychological disorders displayed by the film’s characters. They suggest that the resulting diagnoses, which were rounded up into a series of papers published in Academic Psychiatry, can be used as teaching tools to offer insights into how psychiatric illnesses affect behavior.

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Does the Pope Smoke Dope?

September 25, 2015 by Source

By the Ol’ OB Hippie

Does the Pope smoke dope? Does Pope Francis imbibe in the inhalation of medicinal cannabis?

No, really – I wanted to know if the Pope smoked dope. I have heard rumors to that effect – for years actually. And I wanted to find out.
I knew he was coming to the U.S., so I had to figure out a way to meet up with him.

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Upgrading the U.S. Constitution: Guns for Everyone!

September 1, 2015 by John Lawrence

By John Lawrence

It has come to my attention that some of my conservative friends think that the American Constitution was chiseled in stone. Well, no, actually unlike the Ten Commandments which were written in stone, the American Constitution was written on parchment.

I have a lot of respect for the Founding Fathers who came up with this document based on the best Enlightenment thinking at the time with the help of French philosophes such as Montesquieu who believed in the separation of powers and checks and balances. Unfortunately, the Founders didn’t heed the advice of the Marquis de Condorcet who came up with a better voting system than majority rule.

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Sign a petition calling for John Oliver to be Jon Stewart’s replacement on the Daily Show.

July 15, 2015 by Frank Gormlie

Comedian John Oliver has just shown that he is the best person to replace Jon Stewart on the Daily Show what with his recent pieces on the public monies being spent on privately-owned football stadiums, on ALEC, on visiting Edward Snowden in Russia – and the list is much longer.

His humor and wit and incisive, cutting insights and satire demonstrate that Oliver is the guy to continue the tradition that Stewart started – and besides that, John Oliver became famous on Stewart’s show, so he’s a graduate. Currently Oliver is on weekly on HBO.

COME INSIDE FOR THE PETITION

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17 Things to Know Before Dating a Girl From California

April 3, 2015 by Source

Psst: Don’t call it Cali.

By Laura Beck / Cosmopolitan

Yes, the rules are a little different based on your exact location — California is a large and varied state — but these are some things that are true for all of us.

1. We don’t get seasonal moodiness. Because there are no seasons! Want to hit the beach in October? Great! That’s the perfect time to do it in San Francisco! (Just don’t forget a jacket, mittens, a scarf, and your wooliest hat.) (And maybe some rain boots, depending on the fog situation.)

2. Like, all the songs are written about us. All of them. Whether you’re Katy Perry, Too Short, or the Beach Boys, you’ve probably got a

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President Obama: “Je suis Eddie Snowden”

February 24, 2015 by Source

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An Interview With Political Cartoonist Junco Canche

January 9, 2015 by Source

People find comfort believing we are now living in a post-racial society. We are not. There has been progress in racial issues, mind you, but there is still work to be done.

By Angelo Lopez / Everyday Citizen

One of the best up and coming political cartoonists in the nation is Joaquin Junco Jr, aka “Junco Canché”. Junco is the political cartoonist for El Coyote Crossing Borders and the San Diego Free Press, and he has had cartoons published in El Coyote Online, La Prensa San Diego, and the Southwestern College Sun.

Junco is studying graphic design at Cal State San Bernardino, where he began doing freelance cartoons. His cartoons offer an incisive view of the state and national political scene from a Hispanic point of view. His cartoons at the Southwestern College Sun won awards from the San Diego Chapter of the Society of Professional Journalists.

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Lady Parts Justice Launches in 50 States

July 17, 2014 by Source

National movement using humor and outrage to remove bodily autonomy-hating local politicians from office

By ladypartsjustice

Lady Parts Justice is the first not safe for work, rapid response reproductive rights messaging hub that uses comedy, culture and digital media to get people off their asses and reclaim their rights.

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It’s MY Plastic Bag, and I Do What It Wants Me To.

September 16, 2013 by Source

By Bob Dorn

I love my plastic bag.

No one’s going to take it from me; not some foolish enviro nut-hazard with her meds in her pocketbook, or some Japanese squeeky clean wearing a mask in the subway, or a Filner Freak-o who spends his money on Mexican marijuana that probably already has some STD buried between its cracks, or Obama, the Holy, who solved Syria all by himself (ask the cruise missiles who solved Syria!!!).

No one’s taking my plastic bags.

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A Visit by the Ghost of Scandals Past: the Nightmare Larger than Mayor Filner

August 1, 2013 by Source

By Sherly U. Jehest

Not accustomed to nightmares – as I am usually a good sleeper – I had a horrible one last night and just have to share it with you – my San Diego nightmare.

I had gone to sleep at my usual time, falling into slumber some time between Jon Stewart’s The Daily Show with John Oliver and its first commercial – a truly deadly time for me. I was dreaming of rolling sheets of ocean waves, so pretty … when I noticed a pale figure emerge out of the surf and begin to walk towards me.

The figure got closer and I noticed it was a tall woman wearing long, thin robes. She approached me and got closer – when all of a sudden she was sitting at the foot of my bed.

“What the …” I started to say, partially sitting up, when she shushed me with a long bony finger to her pale lips, glancing over at my sleeping mate.

“Who are you?” I managed to squeak out.

“I’m the Ghost of Scandals Past,” she said softly. She looked sad.

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FICTION: My San Diego Nightmare – a Visit by the Ghost of Scandals Past

July 31, 2013 by Source

By Sherly U. Jehest

Not accustomed to nightmares – as I am usually a good sleeper – I had a horrible one last night and just have to share it with you – my San Diego nightmare.

The figure got closer and I noticed it was a tall woman wearing long, thin robes. She approached me and got closer – when all of a sudden she was sitting at the foot of my bed.

“What the …” I started to say, partially sitting up, when she shushed me with a long bony finger to her pale lips, glancing over at my sleeping mate.

“Who are you?” I managed to squeak out.

“I’m the Ghost of Scandals Past,” she said softly. She looked sad.

Read the full article → 12 comments

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Lorena Slomanson November 29, 2023 at 11:14 pm on Can You Have Longtime Friends Who Were Never Your Friends?Why are you so groovy, Ernie?* *asking for a friend :)
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Chris November 29, 2023 at 7:32 pm on The ‘Back-and-Forth’ of H BarracksSometimes the people are wrong. This is a good thing and I’m glad it’s going in. Boo hoo for the PL residents who have a...
Geoff Page November 29, 2023 at 6:32 pm on Peninsula Planners Come Out in Support of ‘Sunbreak Ranch’ Plan for San Diego’s HomelessRe-establish the stock of SROs downtown where they used to be.
Geoff Page November 29, 2023 at 6:29 pm on Woman Who Typically Swam at Dog Beach at Night Goes MissingWell, there you go, perhaps badly worded with the expectation that a reader would make the connection to your comment. I should know better. I...
Jay Bird November 29, 2023 at 6:09 pm on Peninsula Planners Come Out in Support of ‘Sunbreak Ranch’ Plan for San Diego’s HomelessDon't dismiss the idea of Sunbreak Ranch. It's an innovative idea. What is your plan? If you are following this, the Miramar location is off...
Chris November 29, 2023 at 5:30 pm on Woman Who Typically Swam at Dog Beach at Night Goes MissingAs you know, DB is a popular surfing area so obviously, people go in the water there all the time.
Jon November 29, 2023 at 5:22 pm on Woman Who Typically Swam at Dog Beach at Night Goes MissingYou really could have stopped at “of course it is.”
Paul November 29, 2023 at 4:15 pm on Not your grandma’s granny flat: How San Diego hacked state housing law to build ADU ‘apartment buildings’Thx very much for posting this very insightful and accurate report on the city's abuse of the state ADU law.
Chris November 29, 2023 at 3:50 pm on Peninsula Planners Come Out in Support of ‘Sunbreak Ranch’ Plan for San Diego’s HomelessNot too astounding these days. Even here in Hillcrest there's been incidents of homeless being punched and kicked by fed up residents.
Geoff Page November 29, 2023 at 2:51 pm on Woman Who Typically Swam at Dog Beach at Night Goes MissingOf course it is. The post was either meant to be mean on purpose or it was not. Knowing something about the poster, my take...
Jon November 29, 2023 at 2:30 pm on Woman Who Typically Swam at Dog Beach at Night Goes MissingThe intent of the post is irrelevant.
JP November 29, 2023 at 2:24 pm on The ‘Back-and-Forth’ of H BarracksI emailed the mayor's office and our city council. It really does sound like this homeless shelter is going to happen, despite the wishes of...
Geoff Page November 29, 2023 at 2:22 pm on Peninsula Planners Come Out in Support of ‘Sunbreak Ranch’ Plan for San Diego’s HomelessYea, what a great optic for the Peninsula Community Planning Board and Point Loma. First, they approve a letter opposing the camp by the airport....
Geoff Page November 29, 2023 at 2:19 pm on The Installation of OB’s Holiday Tree 2023 – A Short VideoWe have got to stop denuding Ocean Beach and Point Loma of perfectly good trees just for this holiday that not everyone celebrates. People are...