Category: Satire

From The Linda Vista Update / April 9, 2026

San Diegans are following news of the City’s desperate quest for more tax revenue. Various solutions have been either implemented or planned in order to come up with the cash necessary to balance our local government’s balance sheet.

Paying for parking at Balboa Park, and special event parking rates around the Petco Park area are already in the implementation phase, while the idea of taxing homeowners who own vacant second homes (vacant for more than 183 days) is still being debated, and will probably be placed on the June 2 ballot for a City-wide vote.

This “vacant second home” tax proposal, advocated by Councilmember Sean Elo Rivera (4th District) is based on the concept that threatened by more taxes, homeowners will be more likely to rent out these homes and thereby help alleviate the rental home shortage. This may seem like an unfair tax to pay, but as Councilmember Kent Lee (District 6) has said…”If someone can afford to own a second home and not use it for any purpose, they can absolutely afford to pay that tax, and they should.” (If you think that’s a wild concept, wait till you read our suggestions listed below)

We at the Linda Vista Update understand the importance of tax dollars. … Accordingly, we spent the past week hard at work in numerous brainstorming sessions, coming up with even better ways to reach into our San Diego citizens’ wallets and take their hard earned money.

We took the underlying idea of taxing homeowners with “vacant” homes, and the concept of penalizing citizens for leaving things empty or unused, and blended this into our own proposals, which are ready to be shown to our readers to get their opinions. While keeping an open mind, we invite all readers to take a look at these tax revenue proposals and imagine how effective they might be. Pick your favorite ones and then write your elected representatives and advocate for their adoption.

Tax Idea # 1: Vacant Space in Garage – Property owners who do not park their cars in the garage and leave vacant space, or who only have one car and a two-car garage will be taxed. It is hoped this tax will encourage property owners to stop using their garage space to store clutter, and free up parking space on the street.

Next Stop: New York City TV Festival, Jan. 28 – 30

by Tessa Balc / Times of San Diego /  Jan. 19, 2026

Ocean Beach got its own show this fall, and now it’s starting to garner some serious attention on the independent film circuit.

In October, Daniel Dyer premiered the first episode of “End of the 8,” named for the Ocean Beach location where Interstate 8 hits the Pacific Ocean. But OB isn’t just the show’s setting; the bohemian beach town also functions like a character in the show.

Dyer’s premier event sold out local bar The Harp. Clips disseminated on social media have led total strangers to yell “end of the f—–g 8” at Dyer when they see him around the neighborhood.

Now the show will travel across the country, premiering at the New York City TV Festival, taking place Jan. 28 – 30.

“You’re going to Lexington? Don’t go. You’ll only play into their hands — and that’s exactly what they want. And then they’ll really call you a ‘domestic terrorist.'”

By Steve Rodriguez

The start of a new year always brings forth a flurry of predictions for what to expect in the coming months. Predictions can range from the wild to the more reasonable, with prognostications coming from a variety of individuals to include mystical clairvoyants, creative visionaries, and more research-based futurists.

Instead of just waiting to review such predictions, I thought this year I would do some hard thinking and come up with my own look into what 2026 might bring forth at both local and national levels.

My approach is a mixture of amateur psychic, sophisticated seer and analytical trend forecaster.  Not to intentionally downplay my prophetic talents, but some of these predictions are easier to make than others. After all, predictions are often based on data and patterns reflecting past behavior. On the other hand, some of the more extraordinary prophecies can be attributed to my exceptional gut instinct.

Quite frankly, I enjoy being called a “futurist.”  In fact, just the other day as I was walking through the neighborhood, I heard someone say, “Look, it’s the smarty pants futurist, too bad he can’t bother to look ahead to figure out which week to put out the blue recycling bin.”

In any event, here is my list of the top 26 headlines we can expect to see sometime in 2026.

1.     Padres Hire New Batting Instructor

Reader Supported News / Aug. 27, 2025

“The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, ‘The Borowitz Report’.”

Complicating Donald J. Trump’s plan to send troops to Chicago, on Tuesday thousands of National Guard members called in sick with bone spurs.

The White House was plunged into chaos after receiving over seven thousand notes from guardsmen’s podiatrists, sources said.

By Joe Heim / Washington Post / June 18, 2025

Remember the poop statue? The curly-swirly pile of doo that sat atop a replica of former House speaker Nancy Pelosi’s (D-California) desk? The work of protest art placed on the National Mall last October in mock tribute to the Jan. 6 rioters who stormed the U.S. Capitol in an attempt to overturn the 2020 election?

Well, the artists responsible for the political poo plop appear to have struck again. This time with a work called “Dictator Approved,” an 8-foot-tall sculpture showing a gold-painted hand with a distinctive thumbs-up squashing the sea foam green crown of the Statue of Liberty. It sits at the same location on the Mall near Third Street NW as the poop statue did last fall.

The artwork’s creators intended “Dictator Approved” as a rejoinder to the June 14 military parade and authoritarianism, according to a permit issued by the National Park Service. The parade, the creators wrote in the application, “Will feature imagery similar to autocratic, oppressive regime, i.e. N. Korea, Russia, and China, marching through DC.” The purpose of the statue, they continued, is to call attention to “the praising these types of oppressive leaders have given Donald Trump.”

Plaques on the four sides of the artwork’s base include quotes from world leaders including Russian President Vladimir Putin (“President Trump is a very bright and talented man.”), Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban (“The most respected, the most feared person is Donald Trump.”), former Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro (“We do have a great deal of shared values. I admire President Trump.”) and North Korea’s Kim Jong Un (“Your Excellency.” A “special” relationship. “The extraordinary courage of President Trump.”).

At least three lawmakers were injured on Tuesday, March 4th during Trump’s state of the union address before a joint session of Congress, one of them seriously.

It was a chaotic scene as Democratic congress people and Senators reacted to Trump’s lies and attempts to stage a coup over the government and install an oligarchy.

Smoke bombs and flares were thrown, further fueling political tensions in the Capitol but preventing Trump from speaking further — he was rushed from the floor. Elon Musk was also chased from the floor by irate congresswomen and seniors.

Lawmakers were scheduled to listen to over an hour address by Trump, but the opposition party found its footing and role in the attempted coup and refused to allow it to happen. They said that Trump and Musk’s moves were illegal and that lawmakers should first insist on the resignation of Musk from any official role in the government.

By Steve Rodriguez

Let me offer an interesting proposition. What the City of San Diego government needs, above all else, is its very own billionaire.

Yes, San Diego needs billions of dollars, but first things first. To eventually get a sufficient number of those billions of dollars, we first need to find a special billionaire—a disrupter sort of billionaire who, along with his posse of brash assistants, can come into town and shake up our government operations and thereby save lots of money.

Our San Diego City government is in desperate need of more revenue to update infrastructure, pay off fiascos like the 101 Ash Street transaction, eliminate the pension debt, find money to pay first responder salaries, and for the never ending drain of addressing the homeless situation.

Editordude: This is NOT satire and is the current true cover of Time magazine for Feb. 24.

After rebuffing Donald J. Trump’s hypothetical proposal to purchase Greenland, the government of Denmark has announced that it would be interested in buying the United States instead.

“As we have stated, Greenland is not for sale,” a spokesperson for the Danish government said on Friday. “We have noted, however, that during the Trump regime pretty much everything in the United States, including its government, has most definitely been for sale.”

By Joe Mathews / JMathews@SCNG.com SD U-T / September 26, 2024

Lock up your tents, California! Toss out your old camping gear! Hide your pillows and blankets where the cops will never find them!

Because the people who run California have finally seen clearly that the greatest scourge in today’s Golden State is not climate change and not crime, not COVID and not corruption, not the rising cost of living nor grinding poverty.

No, what most threatens our way of life is people who camp.

Note: On June 3, Circulate San Diego moved its offices to an upscale high rise that, unlike their previous location, has reserved parking. The following document was purportedly found among the empty Starbucks cups and Postmates debris at their prior address.

Herewith are the common terms with their insider meanings that every YIMBY must know. They are not just received wisdom, but also rote rhetorical devices to denude meaning and nuance from any debate and appear more knowledgeable than our opponents.

ABUNDANCE, ABUNDANT: A state in human history that has only ever been achieved in short bursts as a result of social cooperation and environmental grace; the promise offered by every developer.

ACCESSORY DWELLING UNIT (ADU): A granny flat, with four stories and seven other units having zero setbacks or parking.

ADAPTIVE REUSE: The ecologically superior repurposing of existing structures that are less suited for their original use than as alternatives, such as converting shopping malls and offices to housing. Not as enriching for every segment of the construction industrial complex as new development, and so never to be recommended beyond boutique renovations of quaint Victorian homes for law offices.

ALL HOUSING MATTERS: An appropriation of the racist “All lives matter” retort to the Black Lives Matter movement. (Since a lot of people started realizing that, we try not to use it in public much anymore.)

BICYCLING, BIKING: The most virtuous form of transportation, far more honored in breach than in practice; only used by YIMBYs in the context of performative or physical exercise. The Ivermectin offered to solve every lack of actually affordable housing.