
By Joni Halpern
When I was a kid
Know what I did?
I stole things.
Things like penny candy, cookies
cake and ice cream.
My mom would get angry.
My dad would yell and scream.
But I would get hungry.
So when I was a kid,
know what I did?
I stole things.
—Olen Purnell, 1976
When I was a kid, there were no food stamps. My dad was a working man, a carpenter who worked six days a week, but still could not buy enough food for his children.
Oh, he tried. He shopped sales, bought off-brands, made deals with the local grocer to buy the rough outer lettuce leaves that were trimmed before the tender heads were set out for customers. He bought moldy cheese removed days earlier from the dairy display. He measured our milk by the mouthful so it would last longer, until by the third week of the month, it was sour. We still drank it. He scoured the rural areas outside our town to pick up lugs of damaged fruit and vegetables that couldn’t be sold at market. Meat was scarce.
In spite of his best efforts, there were days and nights when we went hungry. When I was in sixth grade, I was called to the nurse’s office with my little brother. No explanation was given as we were stripped and examined from head to toe. The doctor who conducted the examination gave me a form for my father to sign and return. She didn’t bother putting it in an envelope. I read it on the way home. It said my brother and I were malnourished, and if something was not done to improve our condition, authorities could remove us from our home.
I was terrified to hand the note to my dad. When he read it, his face flushed red. His eyes flashed with anger. He looked as if he were going to shout at me. But he knew I was not responsible for the content of the message. He stood like a stone for an instant. Then he sighed heavily, shook his head and asked, “What do they expect me to do? I’m already working three jobs.”
He was a guy who never spent money on himself unless it was absolutely necessary. He kept his work boots until the soles were like paper. His socks had holes in the toes and heels. His shirts were clean but frayed. He had one suit, one tie, one dress shirt. He never went out with the guys. His two big indulgences were one package of chocolate cookies per month (which we pilfered from the upper cupboard in the kitchen) and a monthly bottle of port wine that fueled Saturday evening’s entertainment as he played Big Band favorites and old Italian tunes on his accordion.
My dad, the son of immigrants, had grappled with malnutrition during the Depression. He was a guy stressed to the core by trying to keep our family together after my mother died, a man who took pride in paying his bills, whether by cash or by working out a way to trade his skill as a carpenter.
What was expected of him? It was expected he would accept his failure as a breadwinner, work until he dropped, and take responsibility for having lodged himself in a low socio-economic level of society in a country that believed the sky was the limit for anyone willing to work hard. If he could not feed his children, he could forfeit them to government, but government would not give him a dime for his food budget.
With that in mind, he periodically shipped us out to relatives, sometimes to institutions, other times to families who wanted a young teen to help with the laundry and dishes, make the beds, and babysit. Think of it as the price of food.
It was not until I married a lovely man who had grown up a sharecropper but was now safely delivered to the middle class as a professional that I first felt what it meant to have food security. As an initial task in the early days of my marriage, I decided to clean the kitchen cupboards in the house my husband had shared with his two little boys and his late wife. I opened all the cupboard doors to get a look at just what the job would entail. And there, I encountered a sight I had never seen in the houses in which I lived as a child. The shelves were stocked to capacity with food. Canned goods, packaged goods, seasonings, condiments, staples and sweets. A feeling of unexpected warmth crept into my heart, and to my surprise, I felt tears on my cheeks.
It took years to find all the scars hunger had left on me. I had habits that often accompany a malnourished child into adulthood. I bought more groceries than our small family needed. I served portions that were too large. I ate too much. I had a hard time dieting because hunger threw me back to the painful want of my youth.
Millions of Americans who grow up with hunger share these habits. And yet, a majority of their countrymen cling to the notion that scarcity of food is always a matter of failed personal responsibility. If people need help from time to time, there are always church pantries and food banks. After all, we do not want to create dependencies by helping people on a regular basis.
When the federal Food Stamp Act passed in 1964, my siblings and I were already orphans, distributed among relatives and ultimately entering self-supporting young adulthood with our old friend hunger as our constant companion. We were not eligible for food stamps. But for the families who were eligible, the program was a godsend. For the first time since the Great Depression, the government was willing to help struggling parents boost their food budget to a level that covered at least the basics.
Food stamps, now known as the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) has never been a program of fancy foods. There are strict regulations about what you can buy. No prepared or hot foods, alcohol, household or hygiene items, vitamins, medicines, and in some states, no candy or sugary drinks. But the program, called CalFresh in California, has amplified household food budgets that otherwise would be low enough to cause “food insecurity.” That’s a nice term for not knowing where your next meal is coming from.
Food stamps have brought a reliability to food supplies that eases tensions in low-income households. Guarding a vastly inadequate food supply to ensure it lasts throughout the month makes parents the enemies of their children; it undermines parental authority and subjects parents to humiliation in front of their own kids. Food is so much a part of rewarding accomplishments, effort, and hallmarks in a child’s life, and this kind of affirmation and celebration is absent from family life in hungry households.
Food stamps nourished the emotional and physical growth of millions of children. But over the last 40 years, we as a country have systematically sought to reduce the number of households that get food stamps. We have ratcheted up work requirements, created obstacles to eligibility even for the poorest among us, and made it easier to trip up the unsuspecting so their cases can be closed. This is not the work of local welfare departments. It is the will of a nation that has been taught a spiteful cynicism toward the poor, writ large by decades of Congressional legislation, and signed by presidents both Democratic and Republican. Vocal champions for the poor have been scarce in Washington, D.C. for 50 years.
It is only when the middle class cries “Foul!” that Congress takes a step back and funds the temporary expansion of food stamp accessibility. Congress is not stupid; they know how to feed a starving economy. People spend all their food stamps every month, injecting cash directly into the heart of the economy, a surge of economic adrenalin that, when expanded, has an immediate effect on our efforts to recover from financial catastrophes, whether caused by a pandemic, war, or plunder of our treasury by those in power. Almost 50 million Americans have been on the food stamp rolls at peak times. But almost as quickly as the economy sputters into a recovery, hard-bitten politicos return to the old catechism. “See?” they say smugly. “The more tax dollars you give away, the more people become dependent.”
Hidden in that cynical view is the real story. The middle and working classes of America have been losing ground for fifty years. It started with the decline of real wages, as economic policies began to prioritize the rich over everyone else. The value of earnings declined even more as government wasted our tax dollars on reckless wars and tax incentives for the ultra-wealthy. Now the economic outlook for every person who works for a living is clear: no matter where you stand on the economic ladder, you are more likely than ever to slip off the rung on which you are standing, with very little hope of ever attaining your prior level of income.
For young people just starting out their working lives, the outlook is gloomy. Many are giving up and going back home to their parents. It’s better to flop in your old bedroom than to flop on the street. Elderly people on fixed incomes are becoming one of the fastest growing segments of the homeless population. And people working for low wages are threatened with eviction, utility shut-offs, or severe cuts to their food budget.
It is reported that today, there are about 37 million people receiving food stamps, reflecting a nationwide drop of over five million recipients year over year due to restrictive application and eligibility rules. H.R. 1, the recently passed “Big Beautiful Bill,” is now speeding up the decline. It is not the political cattle prod of “personal responsibility” that is reducing the food stamp caseload (and the caseloads of all other government assistance programs). It is the hard-bitten, stingy, purposefully cruel legislation that has only one ultimate goal – to do away with all government assistance in order to free up tax dollars for the wealthy individuals and corporations who yawn in the face of their countrymen’s suffering, while they lie back on their form-fitting lounges calling for water from Himalayan springs untouched by other humans.
The saddest fact of all is that American voters who are not stricken with hunger have acquiesced in this outrageous theft of our children’s future. For after all, the children of this country belong to all of us. They are the ones who will sculpt the end of our lives as they fashion their own life journeys. And what have we done to millions of our children? We have cut off the meager assistance to the people who love them most, the parents who in great majority, have feeding their children as their first priority. We have allowed a spiteful and callous Congress to take food from the mouths of individuals and families in need.
What do we expect of these people? Of these children?
H.R. 1 and its predecessor legislation make the answer crystal clear: Let them steal cake.






This is what Joni, the author said:
“I am watching as family after family loses food stamps — not because they are here unlawfully, not because they are not working, but because the American people seem to be growing more wed to the brainwashing that people are poor because they make poor choices and then expect everyone else to take up their burdens. I am trying to oppose this point of view.”
Thx very much, Joni, for sharing this powerful and heartfelt/heartbreaking memoir. It’s a compelling statement about the significant benefits of a basic government program.
Joni Halpern’s powerful, beautiful, personal essay deserves the widest audience. Thanks to
the OB Rag for publishing. May it be picked up and reprinted widely. This is a matter of conscience, a story about our neighbors, our countrymen.
Everyone who reads this account of a family struggling to keep food on the table needs to understand that worse is happening to the poor in this country now, as “benefits” like food stamps are being cut and stricter rules are applied for eligibility. It is cruel and it is wrong for this to be normalized in the United States of America.
We begin the change by being the change: demand civic decency among your political candidates — this issue is a litmus test — and support progressive independent thinkers who are free from compromising private dark money largesse. And always, VOTE. This is the road to recovery from Trump.
Man, what a powerful story, really well written.
This is such a deeply moving piece. The personal story makes the human cost of hunger impossible to look away from and the closing line is unforgettable.
Agree with the other commenters: this is the heartbreaking truth you had and too many others still do experience. By the time I came along, the times of family want had visibly passed. But both of my parents lived through the Depression, and I heard their stories and saw how its affects still weighed on them. At least back then, they had the cold comfort that almost everyone was in the same boat. What is happening now is the willful infliction of generational trauma and it must be stopped.
To those who read my story and share my outrage at this cruelty, I send my heartfelt thanks for your call to all Americans to stop this strong-arm robbery of our country’s sustenance—that is, the health and well-being of our people.
A great article! We are up in Sonoma County, and donate about 2,000 pounds of apples to the local food bank each year. We also focus our cash donations that help people; rather than animals. Some of our fellow vegans disagree however that are concerned with all species. If and when there is progressive leadership in our homeland to make sure everyone has access to food, we all need to help feed our fellow neighbors. My radical younger daughter thinks food should be free, I tend to think she is right. Medical care as well!
I salute you for your awareness, your generosity, and your willingness to stand up for those who need our help. Trust in the power of your own decency and compassion! It is contagious.
Thank you, Joni.
Holy hell, Joni. You just triggered a load of memories in my head that I haven’t remembered in many decades!
My maternal granny was a 1960s San Diego County Welfare Worker (as was her middle daughter) that lived on Oliver St. in PB who would take me and my younger cousin Laurel to Food Basket on Mission Blvd and Garnet, and Bradshaw’s a block south, on Sundays because she couldn’t climb into the dumpsters to grab the boxes and boxes of discarded fruit and vegetables they threw away every weekend. We’d load them into her car and she’d sort them to bring to her clients the following week. What she didn’t use would go into the mulch pile in the backyard for the huge garden she had there. She had a Buddhist background which was based on service to those around you.
This might have been one of the reasons I started volunteering to deliver for a local food bank up here in 2009 and didn’t even know it. Memories from childhood?
All the food banks up here are being overrun at this point, just like when the SARS II Covid Pandemic hit. The one I deliver from is open Monday and Thursdays, and the numbers of cars showing up both days have more than doubled in the last six months. And it’s only just starting. The real cuts to Food Stamps kick in after the coming mid-term elections if I read the legislation correctly.
The Gilded Age didn’t end in this country, but the background reality was easier to ignore after FDR enacted some new rules and programs. Now that those have been deliberately whittled away, it sure seems to have returned with a vengeance with all these malignant sociopaths in control. It will be just like the 1890s, and there isn’t anybody left alive to tell us about those years. And most people don’t read real history. This is a Back to the Future moment I’m sorry to say.
sealintheSelkirks
Dear friend, your compassion toward people who are hungry touches me, especially because you have acted upon it all your life. Thank you for never giving up on the power of your own goodness. It is a lesson of hope for all of us.
I don’t know how to take compliments very well, they somehow make me squirm inside, but thank you anyway. I’m literally just an old OB/MB surfer kid doing what seems to be the right way to go…trying to follow a path I barely see beneath my feet sometimes.
Joni, you might want to ask OB RAG writer Geoff Page if you can borrow my book from him. I sent him a copy of the ‘extended’ version for him being such a straight-up guy that helped me recently from 2000 miles away, having never met me. Though we did get in a back & forth tussle years ago on the Rag and I can’t even remember what the argument was about. Frank had to chop us off at one point, we were both getting frustrated. But Geoff used the word “compelling’ in his replies to me after he read it, and I think based on your writings, that you will really get it, too.
Sent Frank the first version back in 2020 but I don’t think he had the time to read it. But Judy Curry read the first version back then, and I sent her the 3rd part of it online last year so she wouldn’t have to buy the book again. Geoff’s version is the completed book.
Never in a bookstore as I have no agent or any of that, just my website (that just came back on after a 2 yr hiatus), and a couple of local cafe/restaurant/pub businesses up here. Which have all closed now so…just my website and word of mouth from the couple hundred people that have read it.
Anyway, chores to do, and tomorrow I deliver a food bank box to a disabled (work injury) mom with a 7 yr old in Chewelah…
sealintheSelkirks
This is such an incredibly moving story and such a damning indictment of how we treat people in this country. Well done, Joni!