The Widder Curry Asks: “Are My On Line Dating Days Finally Over?”

by on September 11, 2013 · 18 comments

in Culture, Ocean Beach, The Widder Curry

internet dating2People ask me if I am still meeting people on line. After all, I said I was going to stop months ago. There is no simple answer to the question so let me elaborate.

I am no longer paying a fee to meet on-line men. Sites like E-Harmony, Match.Com, Zoosk, Senior People Meet, Big and Beautiful Dating Network, Our Time, etc. all charge a monthly fee for their “services.” I don’t know what their services entail, even though at one time or another I belonged to all of the above. They don’t check on the character of the individual; they sometimes notify me that one of their “members” wants to chat – or meet me – but as far as anything substantial there is a real void. I figure over the past year I have paid out over $800 for these “on-line” clubs.

There are a few sites that do not charge – “Plenty of Fish” (POF); OK Cupid/Quiver, as well as a few others. I have not removed my name from these sites because I am still hopeful that I will meet someone that will take away the loneliness I am experiencing by being a 4 year widow. So, in answer to the question about whether I am still using on-line dating, the answer is “yes”, but qualified.

Over the past few weeks, however, I am beginning to question of “why” I am still on line. The men I am meeting – or at least talking to – are, for the most part, odd. At times I have this fantasy of the police department calling me and asking me to look at a lineup of these men and pick out those that might be sex offenders. I have certainly wondered about some of them. (If it isn’t the police department it might be the mental health department!)

Of course you want to have an example. (And, of course, I want to share one with you.!) So…here we go. Several weeks ago I was corresponding with a man that had a nice profile, although too young for me. He said he was 37. My daughters have drummed into me that I should never date a man younger than my youngest daughter, and she is 49. I thanked him for the flattery, but told him he was too young. He went through this litany of why he likes older women – more experienced; know what they want; know what to do, etc. but again I refused.

A week or so ago I was interviewed on Channel 10 re: the picture posted with me and the former mayor. The first time I was called the “mystery woman” and they painted a picture of the mayor, only 48 hours resigned from office because of harassing women, having his picture taken with a woman, with his arm around her and a glass of beer in the other hand. I was that mystery woman, and to say I was pissed by the whole idea stuck in my craw.

Apparently Channel 10 decided to find that “mystery woman” and I was interviewed in a favorable way by a Channel 10 reporter. Unfortunately, the young man that I had recently turned down saw the interview, and tracked me down. Called me and told me how he just really liked what he heard; what he saw; and he really wanted to meet me.

In a moment of weakness, and still enjoying my “15 minutes of fame” I agreed. I don’t need to give you all the sordid details, but here is a summary of what took place:

Him: “I have a favor to ask you.”

Me: What’s that?

He: “Can I touch your breasts?”

Me: “No”;

He: “Can I masturbate with you watching me?”

Me: I couldn’t help but laugh as I said “no”. I couldn’t help myself so I asked him, “why would you want to masturbate when I am here and might do it for you?

He: “Because I know what feels good.” He was still talking as I escorted him out the door.

 Not to be outdone, I received this message – twice. He must have forgotten he wrote to me already. In fact, I may have mentioned him the first time he wrote:

 “I was curious to ask if you would ever considering mentoring someone like me? I am seeking a firm, but caring woman as a more disciplinarian figure in my life, one to help me in life and reaching goals etc I have set. I am NOT seeking sex or a relationship, but rather a dynamic where rules are set and you help me reach them. Ideally a woman not afraid to give a firm spanking from time to time as needed. I want a liberal- open minded woman who knows old fashion manners and how to instill them. “

 I could have made a fortune on this guy. Every time I had to spank him I could charge him!

And here is another new one:

 “Hi there,

I am visiting San Diego in a couple of weeks and will be coming down there about once a month for work. I think you look very beautiful in your photo and wondering you consider a casual relationship with a slightly younger man? This could be temporary if you’re looking for something more serious in the long term or ongoing if you prefer…

If you’re open to this, I’m open to sharing a photo. Look forward to hearing from you and have a great day.


PS: although in under your desired age range…I’m a mature gentleman who is very respectful. Your smile and eyes ate very comforting and warm, especially the 1st one. Although I am younger than your youngest child, I am an old soul and very much enjoy spending time with mature women.”

He is 32!

I can’t begin to tell you the number of letters I receive all saying the same thing. I have been told they come from the prisons around California. An enterprising inmate writes letters for other inmates to send to women on line. The owner of POF said in a letter they were stopping one of the series because they were finding out that many of the “women” reacting to letters are really men. Along with the prison letters are letters from third world countries asking to come to the United States and meet me. I received 10 letters from Canadians in the months of March through June. I don’t even respond to those.

I have to admit that the well is almost dry. Most of the men I hear from now are men I heard from last year. I have yet to find a romantic interest that I would not be ashamed to introduce to my children and grandchildren. It is probably time to stop looking. But … what if there is one more out there? What if?

The picture attached to this article was sent to me by one of my dearest friends. I think he hit the dating services on the head:

internet jail

{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

nostalgic September 11, 2013 at 1:16 pm

Judi, we can always count on you for factual reporting! Thank you for sharing a difficult process. People only hear the success stories – “I met my billionaire husband on-line.” Not always.


love sim dating games for girls September 11, 2013 at 1:34 pm

Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wished to say
that I have truly enjoyed browsing your blog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again soon!


judi curry September 11, 2013 at 7:56 pm

Thank you for your kind words. I noticed your last name on the private message I received re: your comment. I had an Aunt with the same last name. Family was from Hungary – a long time ago. Are we related?


Debra September 11, 2013 at 2:59 pm

Those guys sound like total creeps. Have you thought about taking a nite class at Community College, like a foreign language? There are usually an assortment of people of all ages and you might meet someone that way.


judi curry September 11, 2013 at 3:57 pm

Hi Debra, you are right. They are creeps. And I have taken classes at night – want to take a guess who else is taking them? Older women – some legitimate; many looking for a man. It’s easier when you are younger; harder to compete with 60-65 year olds on the prowl.


Debra September 12, 2013 at 8:06 am

I just thought of something. I’ve heard in the past that there are a lot of single men who like to play golf. Maybe that would be a good way to rehabilitate your bad shoulder and meet someone appropriate in the process?


judi curry September 12, 2013 at 8:55 am

Thanks, Debra. It certainly is an idea!


Zach on the side September 12, 2013 at 4:19 pm

The Widder takes a swing!


Ro September 11, 2013 at 6:12 pm

Damn it Judi, do not invite these guys to your home no matter what. Ted Bundy seemed like a nice guy too. You know better! I always meet new “prospects” at a public place, drive my own vehicle there, and leave alone. You can’t be too careful these days.


Candy Ruthven September 11, 2013 at 7:14 pm

Judi, I agree wtih Ro. We worry about you & your safety.


judi curry September 11, 2013 at 7:57 pm

Thanks Candy and Ro. I seldom let them come to the house; The guy that tracked me down through google had all the info on me. Scary. I’ll be more careful! Love you both.


Zach on the side September 11, 2013 at 8:33 pm

My favorite line: “Over the past few weeks, however, I am beginning to question of “why” I am still on line.”

If, after all we’ve read from you about your online dating experiences, you’ve only begun to question “why” in the past few weeks, then you’re the biggest optimist I’ve ever met!

As much as it’s disappointing not to find a companion, it must be just as disheartening to see what people so often are like. Blech! If not for the comedic benefits.


judi curry September 11, 2013 at 8:46 pm

Hi Z. I’ve been questioning the “why” for over a year. And loneliness allows me to still have hope that I will meet someone – a companion, a best friend, a lover – before I am covered in sod. (Of course if you have read my articles about Ft. Rosecrans it will be a while before THAT ever happens!)

I once thought it would be fun to be a stand-up comedienne. Since my knees shake when I stand up in front of a large audience, the next best thing is writing comedy. (Of course Bob always called it “sarcasm” rather than comedy, but what the hey……)

I think I keep “dating” on-line men so that I have something to write about. And maybe – just maybe – I will someday write about the wonderful person I met someplace, somewhere, and again find the happiness I am looking for. (I know….prepositions….and all that.)


Zach on the side September 11, 2013 at 9:32 pm

I don’t know, I think a comedienne with shaking knees could be a good laugh! Yes, maybe you will have the chance to write about your success someday, and in the meantime hope springs eternal.


judi curry September 11, 2013 at 9:53 pm

Love you, Zach. Too bad you are so far away….and so young!


Zach on the side September 11, 2013 at 9:59 pm

Hee hee, not too young for you, missy! I’m 53, well within your requirements. But I do firmly believe great-grandmothers should be respected like saints and kissed gently on the cheek!


OB Mercy September 14, 2013 at 11:00 pm

Judi….I am a firm believer in that when you stop looking……you will meet someone. I think it was never truer than in your case!!

As you know, being pro active never worked for me either. And you also know, when I stopped looking, what happened!


judi September 15, 2013 at 5:35 pm

Mercy, you are one lucky lady. I admire you in so many ways. I “sort of” have stopped looking; the guy that tracked me down from the Channel 10 interview spooked me a bit. Tonight am going to meet someone that has been reading my articles for almost a year. He, too, tracked me down, but I know who he is and am not scared about meeting him. (We are meeting in a public place!)

Someday I hope to meet your friend. Judi


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