Vitamin D Deficiency (Lack of Sun) Making OBcians Grumpy

by on August 16, 2010 · 7 comments

in Culture, Health, Media, Ocean Beach, Satire

vit d cloudsA special team of medical researchers, sociologists, psychologists and public health workers have just concluded a very telling study and have issued a confidential report to local media:  Vitamin D deficiency caused from lack of sun is affecting many OBcieans and other coastal types.

The effect: it’s causing beach people to be grumpy.

With the rare lack of sunshine in OB during the summer months of July and August, the local population is suffering cognitive and behavior effects, associated with Vitamin D deficiency (VDD).  Normally the coast and the beaches are bathed in strong sunlight these months.  But not this year.  The coolest and grayest summer on record since the Thirties – when FDR was President.

vitamin-d doc. jpgThe researchers have determined that ailments associated with VDD include “seasonal affective disorder” – probably what is occurring locally – , schizophrenia, rickets in children, a rise in high blood pressure, increased cholesterol levels, more cardiovascular risks, increased mortality, and importantly for their study – general brain development and functioning.

This is what explains the general “grumpy” mood of OBcians the study concludes.  This is what is at the root of the plethora of anti-social behavior observed among local residents by the researchers.  There has indeed been a certain amount of schizophrenia exhibited by Ocean Beach citizens of late.  This is why.

VDD now explains why bush trimmers are frightened by neighbors walking their dogs.  Neighbors are no longer trusting other neighbors within our beach town – and it’s the VDD.  VDD is the reason that some folks think it’s necessary to stencil negative images on public sidewalks.  Despite the efforts of healing the community through clean-ups and community forums, some are so grumpy with VDD that they cannot appreciate such attempts and refuse invites to participate.

vit D tattooAmazingly, VDD is even linked to the closing of Thee Bungalow.  Staff at the venerated restaurant have convinced the owners that they needed to close and rename the place. Grumpy employees of the Cohn family were cited by researchers at the core of the decision to make changes.

It even pertains to the guy who has been registering voters all summer.  He has been asked to move his tent and signs out of view of tourists who are frequenting local establishments.  Yes, VDD is again the culprit, as grumpy restaurant and hotel staff have complained of the unsightly “mess” on the green.

vit d sunResearchers report that to cure VDD, without using supplements, and without going east to sunny towns like Lemon Grove, they have found that acts of compassion, tolerance, empathy, and other positive behaviors actually can counter-act the negative effects and allow the brain and heart to function properly.

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Frank Gormlie August 16, 2010 at 11:03 am

Coffee deficiency makes headline writers cloudy. Sorry ’bout that if you caught it.


doug porter August 16, 2010 at 12:23 pm

oh, THAT explains it. i was thinking it was the republicans fault.


George August 16, 2010 at 2:35 pm

Maybe the deficient “i” in the headline is in the 5th paragraph? (I thought it was usually OBceans)


Frank Gormlie August 16, 2010 at 2:51 pm

There are at least two schools of thought: one has it “OBcean” – putting the “B” in “ocean” and two, “OBcian ” after the title of a newspaper from the Ninties.


Marilyn Steber August 17, 2010 at 7:53 am

“Aliments associated with VDD”? Another “i” gone astray, or a word meaning nourishment?
Oh never mind. Guess it is sorta the same thing. Like kindergarten teachers major in Alimentery Education.


Frank Gormlie August 17, 2010 at 8:05 am

Ah, er, (cough, cough) – thanks Marilyn – yet another stray “i”, thanks, it’s corrected.


kenloc August 19, 2010 at 12:58 pm

Homeless kids trash that park on a daily basis but the businesses want the guy registering voters to move?Geeeeeeeeez.


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