By Steve Rodriguez
The start of a new year always brings forth a flurry of predictions for what to expect in the coming months. Predictions can range from the wild to the more reasonable, with prognostications coming from a variety of individuals to include mystical clairvoyants, creative visionaries, and more research-based futurists.
Instead of just waiting to review such predictions, I thought this year I would do some hard thinking and come up with my own look into what 2026 might bring forth at both local and national levels.
My approach is a mixture of amateur psychic, sophisticated seer and analytical trend forecaster. Not to intentionally downplay my prophetic talents, but some of these predictions are easier to make than others. After all, predictions are often based on data and patterns reflecting past behavior. On the other hand, some of the more extraordinary prophecies can be attributed to my exceptional gut instinct.
Quite frankly, I enjoy being called a “futurist.” In fact, just the other day as I was walking through the neighborhood, I heard someone say, “Look, it’s the smarty pants futurist, too bad he can’t bother to look ahead to figure out which week to put out the blue recycling bin.”
In any event, here is my list of the top 26 headlines we can expect to see sometime in 2026.
1. Padres Hire New Batting Instructor
2. Kristi Noem Models ICE Military Swag at Paris, Texas Fashion Show
3. San Diego City Hall Proposes Dog Walking Fees to Increase Revenue Stream
4. (fill in name of celebrity) Passes Away; Trump Says Bad Things About Him/Her
5. Waymo Driverless Car Veers Extensively Into San Diego Bike Lane; No One Hit
6. La Jolla Secessionist Movement Promises Token City Homeless Presence as Goodwill Gesture
7. Former Coronado Mayor Richard Bailey Enters Race to Become San Diego’s New Kevin Faulconer
8. City of San Diego Settles Expensive Law Suit
9. Another Detainee Dies in San Diego County Jail
10. Padres Miss Out on World Series
11. City’s Pure Water Project Construction on Friars Road to Continue for Next 10 Years
12. Man Rescued After Falling Down Sunset Cliffs
13. Trump Actually Stays Awake During Cabinet Meeting
14. Amar Campa-Najjar Runs Again for Political Office in (enter city/district here)
15. Secretary of War Hegseth Complains Woke Boy Scouts Lack “Lethality”
16. Councilmember Sean Elo-Rivera Seen Scowling at City Meeting
17. (enter athlete’s name here) Enters College Transfer Portal: Seeks Eighth Year of Eligibility
18. Padres GM Trades Away Top Minor League Prospect
19. Aztec Football Scores Victory at Snapdragon But No Fans There to See It.
20. San Diego City Hall Threatens Library/Parks and Rec Cuts to Balance Budget
21. Singer Lee Greenwood Agrees to Residency at Trump – Kennedy Center for Performing Arts
22. Epstein Friend/Economist Larry Summers Invests in AI Dating Advice Start-Up
23. Tucker Carlson Claims Diversity Was Real Cause of WWII
24. 101 Ash Street Building Now Found to be Riddled with Termites
25. Image of Bill Clinton Appears in Ancient Roman Frieze Depicting Caligula Party Scene
26. Trump Blames Biden for Every Bad Thing that Happened in 2026
Feel free to use these predictions to best prepare for your own individual levels of risk and opportunity. Additionally, feel free to score my accuracy at the end of the year. However, like every other prognosticator in the country, I will strictly avoid any comments regarding my accuracy for 2026, and instead attempt to distract you with new predictions for 2027.
Steve Rodriguez is a retired U.S. Marine Corps officer and a retired high school English teacher. He resides in Linda Vista.
A couple of those made me laugh out loud. Thank you!
I’ll go our on a limb and make a prediction of my own: the new Balboa Parking plan will not only not make the City any money but will likely lose money. Hope I’m wrong, but…
I suspect you are 100% correct.
This is quite well done. I tried writing funny/clever lists over the years and never scored this high.
Oh no, you did it, planted the seed: They may not have thought of dog-walking fees before but they’re sure to come now, along with a consultant-designed system for assessing rates block-by-block and a bureaucratic structure with plenty of new hires for monitoring compliance. Maybe the folks who inspect our trash bins can do double-duty checking leashes for the digital step-counters that are bound to become mandatory.
& I wouldn’t bet against any of your other predictions, either. Thanks for keeping it funny.