Open Letter to Judge Hofmann re: dispersal of the seals

by on May 28, 2009 · 33 comments

in Economy, San Diego, Satire

Dear Superior Court Judge Yuri Hofmann,

As a US Citizen residing here in San Diego, I would like to thank you and applaud your efforts to disperse the seals at the “Children’s Pool” beach in La Jolla. I hope to see these actions succeed, and the beach be returned to the hands of its true owners, the people of San Diego.

Superior Court Judge Yuri Hofmann

Often dumbfounded by the countless trespassing violations and blockages of public right-of-way by the members of the “animal kingdom,” I am exceptionally relieved to hear of the $633,934 annual plan to relieve the beach of its insidious seal problem.

I am excited to witness the court’s progress on such issues, and look forward to supporting your efforts to eliminate similar public risks. The ever-invasive presence of fish in the sea still poses a pressing threat to swimmers, ground squirrels unlawfully refuse to vacate public lawns, and seagulls continue to deface the hoods of our cars with their excrement.

Additionally, I believe it would be within the city’s best interest to quickly draft a bill preventing the displaced seals from establishing settlements in front of downtown public buildings, similar to the founding of homeless “tent cities” in these areas after the closing of city Winter Shelters.

Thank you again for your continued support of this utmost rational issue.


Buddy Tymczyszyn

{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }

mr fresh May 28, 2009 at 4:48 pm

and while we’re at it, can we get all the republicans in the county resettled in lemon grove?


Wireless Mike May 28, 2009 at 5:01 pm



Dave Gilbert May 28, 2009 at 5:26 pm

As I stood and waited at the longest light in OB (Voltaire crossing Sunset Cliffs) I wondered to myself what would make an interesting story that also had an effect on the people of OB. I thought of all of the injustices in the world that need to find the right paths to equality and then as my mind often does, it went to the dogs, or more specifically sea dogs.

To me that’s what seals represent, they’re like dogs of the ocean, just look at those faces. Then I thought of the easily bothered with too much time and apparently too much money on their hands to be able to put up with the seals at the Children’s pool in La Jolla and I wondered how anyone could be so bereft of a heart or soul.

I was also surprised that recordings of dogs barking were so pricey as well and I didn’t realize that San Diego had an extra $700,000 K to waste each year on driving some of the last remaining natural wildlife from our shores. What’s this got to do with OB?

Well, if the whiners have their way, the seals are going to have to go somewhere, and it wouldn’t surprise me to see some of them end up on our beaches in OB, hey they have to go somewhere, right? I don’t think they’ll go to Dog Beach for obvious reasons but we also have a few secluded beaches along Sunset Cliffs that might make for a safe harbor as it were.

Stay tuned folks this one ain’t over….


annagrace May 28, 2009 at 5:35 pm

At last I can go down to the sea again…and listen to dogs barking…nonstop…sunrise to sundown.

How long do you think that solution is going to last?


Dave Sparling May 28, 2009 at 7:59 pm

SAD but the God protect me from those who want to protect me people are less in OB but it would be nice if none of them lived here. Then I could get my battery checked at Auto Zone. Who knows someday we might even be able to enjoy a cold PBR and walk the beautiful beach at sunset.


lane tobias May 28, 2009 at 8:21 pm

Okay, so, they closed down the beach to humans because it was unsafe. But, wait, maybe I’m wrong, I cant remember if its our excrement that makes the ocean unsafe for seals, or the other way around? Can someone remind me why all these people seem to think the seals are such a bad influence on the good people of La Jolla? Or is it simple economics?

Heres an idea OB: we could get together enough dogs for a BARGAIN rate of $500,000 to bark at their sea brethren for a few months straight and scare them off. Then, we could take the money and build our OWN childrens pool somewhere along the water (or even something floating out on the water that serves the same purpose) so the seals could come to OB. And then we’ll be able to enjoy a piece of nature that these folks seem to think is a nuisance, and the kids around here will learn a little bit about nature and A WHOLE LOT ABOUT COEXISTENCE.

this sickens me.


PSD May 28, 2009 at 8:43 pm

I liked the solution proposed by someone on the daily fishwrap’s website that suggested we could probably mount the barking dog speakers to a van and drive it through random neighboroods in La Jolla between midnight and 4 a.m., a time it really wouldn’t be needed at the childrens’ pools because there’d be no kids there. You could then park the van back down at the beach by day, if you must. And it would be a heckuva lot cheaper than installing a permanent PA system.


Shawn Conrad May 29, 2009 at 7:43 am

Man will push mother nature until she swallows us like the selfish parasites we are.

What’s next? Asking the Native American to go back to where ever they came from?

I hope whoever thought this up has their body covered in boils for the rest of their days.



Shawn Conrad May 29, 2009 at 7:46 am

To Mr. Fresh,

Even Republicans do not deserve to be exiled to Lemon Grove.


Molly May 29, 2009 at 8:29 am

To Mr fresh and Shawn: Lemon Grove is a great place – best weather in the world – while you beach seaweed types hover under your may-gray and june-gloom overcast skies, there’s (I hear) lots of blue out there, lots of wildlife, and except for LG’s mayor, there’s no organized GOP.


bodysurferbob May 29, 2009 at 8:31 am

I do think it’s time to move the entire human presence away from the shoreline. Obviously, we can’t manage our own affairs (see news about our governor about to shut down everything from libraries to parks to social services).


ClubStyle_DJ May 29, 2009 at 9:07 am

Did the Judge actually get this letter? This story should go nation wide.


How did this get this far? What is wrong with this freakin CITY? If they do this…NO ONE.. I repeat NO ONE should go back to that beach… No life guards no people…no freakin children… no one! only the judge and the city council members who approved this. Let’s all sit on the wall and watch their a$$… Oh wait let’s put a Keg some cups and a few ping pong balls inside a freakin fence with Faulkner at the gate checking IDs… wait… one cop and a lifeguard to smell their cups.


jon May 29, 2009 at 9:17 am

Molly – Me thinks Shawn and others are just trying to get under Frank’s skin. lol. I grew up in LG (haha…”grew up” yeah right!) and certain parts are/were very nice. I have nothing against LG, but definitely would not be my first choice of places to live again.


jon May 29, 2009 at 9:29 am

Clubstyle – I agree with you and almost everyone else on this board and I’m sure the MAJORITY of the city that harrasing marine mammals is outrageous. However, there’s a problem with your idea. When you say “NO ONE should go back to that beach.” That’s exactly what the La Jolla residents want.

You see, this is not about seal feces or children playing safely. This is all about rich old white folk in La Jolla sick of tacky tourists lining the streets to Gawk at the seals. Plain and simple. I would propose the opposite. If indeed they remove the seals from the beach, I say we all make that our new hang-out spot. Let’s show up in droves! Let’s get that beach as crowded as possible and play loud heavy-metal, football, beer-pong (without beer of course, thank you Faulconer). I say, if the Seals go, we non-residents of La Jolla take over. That would piss them off more than anything. And would be loads of fun!


ClubStyle_DJ May 29, 2009 at 10:04 am


So it’s the Get off my lawn…NIMBY’s behind this. ’nuff said!

BTW…Thanks for the spelling correction on councilman flip-flop’s name
or should I say councilboy “man” is an over statment. But I digress.


mr fresh May 29, 2009 at 10:15 am

It’s officially CouncilCritter Faulconer


OB Joe May 29, 2009 at 10:34 am

whazzup with faulconer bashing? bec of the booze ban ? what does he have to do wid da seals?

‘member, Faulconer was good on the library issue ….


Molly May 29, 2009 at 10:36 am

Did anyone see Councilmember Sheri Lightner’s take on the seals? she recommended that the city use real dogs – whoa! I thought she was a local community activist in tune with the ecology.


jon May 29, 2009 at 11:03 am

I agree OB Joe. Faulconer gets a lot of abuse for the booze ban issue. But remember…Faulconer may have had a knee-jerk reaction, but the inland areas of San Diego actually cast the votes that officially banned booze from our beach. So I guess they would be the NIYBY’s? Not in YOUR back yard?

Anyway, Kevin really got caught up in a political hot-spot. I don’t blame him specifically and I probably shouldn’t have mentioned him in my earlier post. He just makes the perfect scapegoat. It’s unfortunate for him. He’s done a lot of good for our community and hopefully won’t be remembered as the face of the booze ban. That’s my 2 cents. Others may have problems with stuff he’s done that I’m not aware of, but IMHO, he’s tried hard to do the right thing for our community.


Frank Gormlie May 29, 2009 at 12:55 pm

The current issue of City Beat also did a satirical piece on the issue.


Dave Gilbert May 29, 2009 at 2:03 pm

I love dogs and beaches for dogs but think Sherri Lightner’s idea is a the real dog here. (Here’s the link to signonsandiego’s article) …

Check out some of THOSE comments, yeesh!


fstued May 29, 2009 at 2:09 pm

There is another large seal cave at the end of Pt Loma with many seals in it on any given day. It was even a surprise to the Coastal Commiseration. I will have to post pictures and show them to Mr Faulconer. I have watched that cove for a long time and seen the seal population increase considerable over the years. I have seen the pups frolicking in the ocean. The seal cave is at water level and the view point is high on the bluff so no one can bother them, making it open to the public would be a win win for all, especially the National Monument. The city could even charge admission and maybe put benches on Sunset Cliffs with the money


Shawn Conrad May 29, 2009 at 2:36 pm


You’re rationalizing and that’s sad.


ClubStyle_DJ May 29, 2009 at 2:38 pm

I apologize for interjecting his name into this discussion. I should have added my comment to the “OB Rant” section.

(wonders if “the ob rag” has enough disk space for what i’d like to say)

I’m just upset at the arrogance of MAN. I had a taco stolen by several seaguls at the ob pier cafe when i went back to the counter for sauce… I hardly blame the seagull or want to broadcast through loudspeakers what ever scares seagulls… Is there a line of demarcation? And where ARE the animal rights people… hello PETA nobody’s taking bats to the seals but… damn. Maybe it would be cost effective to rename the park to “SEAL POOL Beach” now it seems like we’re taking candy from babies.

Bottom line is however:



Frank Gormlie May 29, 2009 at 2:48 pm

Clubstyle – our pages are open to readers’ rants. Send us your rant via email to


jon May 29, 2009 at 3:36 pm

Totally, no need to apologize for anything Clubstyle. You’re entitled to your opinion and I agree with you re: man’s odd entitlement over nature. It sucks. I just wanted to clear up my point of view about Kevin. I don’t really blame him alone for the booze ban. Some people do. That’s why we have these discussions, to hear other folks point of view in the community. Keep commenting!


Patty Jones May 29, 2009 at 3:39 pm

As angry as this subject makes me, I laughed. I love you people.

I agree on the bottom line – ClubStyle!


Liberty May 29, 2009 at 4:36 pm

The nudists have their beach, and even the dogs have a beach.

God forbid the seals want a tiny piece of beach too.

I’m with the guy who wishes body boils for those who’s idea this was.

I wish body boils on them and their whole family and all the future generations to come.


Buddy T May 29, 2009 at 5:33 pm

Boils are a little intense…

But working on San Diego’s REAL problems would be nice, wouldn’t it?


Frank Gormlie May 29, 2009 at 6:22 pm

Thank you Buddy T for bringing in a little rational thought and humor.


brian June 16, 2009 at 11:11 pm

Leave the seals alone!


Woody Byers July 20, 2009 at 6:38 pm

Thanks god! Finally, we can get rid of seals in California once and for all. Some of us have been working for years, our entire lives even, to get rid of these La Jolla seals. For those who don’t already know, the seals in La Jolla occupy roughly 40 yards of man-made beach and use the land to rest when they’re not swimming. The seals are very scared of humans and the reason they sleep in this area is because humans have volenuteered to protect them all these years.

Fortunately, since the rest of the California coastline is public beaches, there isn’t anywhere else for the seals to go!!! Oh no, guess what that means!?! Bye bye seals! That’s right, they are going to drown from exhaustion and that will be the last generation of seals that we ever have to deal with on the west coast of this country.

Thank you judge for exterminating these vicious creatures! I firmly believe that after this goal is achieved, we can move on to dogs, cats, horses, and children under the age of three. Those little shits are annoying!!! Let’s get rid of blind people too. They’re getting really smug what with their walking sticks and all.



LANI July 20, 2009 at 10:15 pm

Thank You Gov. Arnold and Christine Kehoe!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can we get rid of the people who seem to have a problem with the seals who are on one little beach area with a beach on both sides along with the rest of the beaches they can go to?? Better yet lets feed them and Judge Hofmann to the Great Whites!


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