Excerpts From Grilling of Midway Rising Team by City Councilmembers – A Satire

Here are some telling excerpts from the grilling of the Midway Rising redevelopment team by San Diego City Councilmembers on Tuesday.

Councilmember Jen Campbell:

Hi. Will you promise to build the number of units you say you’re gonna build?

Midway Rising:

Uh-huh.

Campbell:

Do you promise to work with city staff, our consultants, our budget analyst, MTS, SANDAG, the US Navy and the Padres?

Midway Rising:

Uh, let me just write those down … ah, sure, we promise.

Campbell:

Some, ah, say you’re mean guys, that you’re ‘evil developers.’ Can you pledge right now in public that you’re not mean guys or evil developers?

Midway Rising:

Most certainly, councilwoman. We’re go on the record that we are neither mean nor evil.

Council President Sean Elo-Rivera:

I just want more and more affordable housing. I don’t care about these other accusations. Will Midway Rising pledge to build affordable housing?

Midway Rising:

We sure will.

Councilmember Chris Cate:

I really appreciate you showing up today. I mean if you hadn’t shown up, who would we have to ask any meaningless questions of? I want to thank you for coming here today, and all the staff and the consultants — and all the work they’ve done, and want to thank all my colleagues for allowing me to even ask questions, as I’m the only Republican here and I won’t be here for long.

Midway Rising:

Thank you, councilmember.

Councilmember Marni von Wilpert:

I have concerns. So, let me just ask them. Will you pledge, today, that you will always cross the street on a green light?

Midway Rising:

Uh, I’m not sure we can promise that. Just exactly which green light?

von Wilpert:

Got it. Let’s move on. Can you pledge that on Mother’s Day, you will always honor your mother?

Midway Rising:

Certainly, councilwoman. Our company has a proud tradition of always honoring Mother’s Day.

von Wilpert:

I really want to see affordable house ASAP. Will you promise to build affordable houses as soon as you can?

Midway Rising:

We promise.

von Wilpert:

Will you really, pretty please come back and report on what’s going on? We can’t get that from city staff. Or at least, give our aides a call?

Midway Rising:

Just a call? Sure, we promise.

Councilmember Joe LaCava:

We’ve certainly put you through the ringer today and I also want to thank you for coming in here and answering our questions. Let me ask, will you pledge right now in public that you will not sell off your development rights, if we choose you?

Midway Rising:

We promise.

LaCava:

Will you pledge to build housing the same time that you build the stadium?

Midway Rising:

We promise.

LaCava:

Do you promise to build more housing with wood?

Midway Rising:

Uh, I’m not sure we can do that – (to other team members) Can we? Some of us haven’t had that much experience in building a project with such a scale as this.

LaCava:

Well, at least, do you pledge to use real people in making the housing, I mean, and not robots?

Midway Rising:

Yes, councilman. We have a proud tradition at our company of using real humans.

LaCava:

Okay, that about wraps it up … ah, also, do you promise to come back to us and tell us what you’re doing?

Midway Rising:

(To other team members) Is that in our contract? Okay? Yeah, we can do that.

Council President Sean Elo-Rivera:

Thank you everyone for being here today. I just want affordable housing. Really appreciate that you all came all the way up to the 11th floor, I know parking is bad. This has been a long day and I appreciate everyone for sticking it through. I know I’m in over my head, but it’s fun up here. Clerk, call the roll.

Clerk:

It passed, 7 to 1.

Council President Sean Elo-Rivera:

Thanks again everyone. Next on the agenda, let’s undo five decades of San Diego’s community planning groups. Joe? You’re next.