The Widder Curry Thanks You for Your Replies

by on April 6, 2017 · 18 comments

in Ocean Beach, The Widder Curry

Earlier this week my “editor-dude” published my story asking you what you would have done in a situation that I found myself in a few days earlier.   I was curious to see if there was a difference in the “male” way of looking at the situation vs the “female” way of looking at it.  I was a little surprised by the outcome.

There were 92 respondents – several on the OB Rag; more on “Next Door” and a few more on Facebook.  I also had eight telephone calls regarding the problem.  Of the 92, 78 were women and 14 were men.  I was very surprised by total answers given to me. Let me share with you:

A brief synopsis of the situation was that I had not been able to reach someone that I spoke to every day for the past 4 years. When I tried his telephones (2) they were shut off.  He lives in a very rural area, outside of California, with no near neighbors.  Hunting is allowed near his property because of the deer and coyotes that frequently roam.  Since I could not reach him for such a long period of time I became very worried and agonized as to what to do.  I truly expected that he was badly injured – or even worse – dead.

When I asked you (the reader) what your suggestion was it almost unanimous.

The first thing people said was to call the neighbors, but there are none. Then most people said I should call the sheriff for a “well check.”  Three people suggested that I do nothing – two men and one woman.  And that surprised me. I fully expected more males to say to leave it alone.

I had sent my friend a text message, an email, and left a voice message saying that if I did not hear from him by noon on Monday I would call the sheriff to check on him.

I finally called the Sheriff.  I knew of her and knew that my friend did not care for her, but I felt that she was a better person to check on him than someone he did not know, in case he needed help.

It turned out that he was not home; the house was locked up; the animals had plenty of feed.  There was no sign of foul play and when she asked me for permission to enter the house I did not give it.  In the first place, I had no authority to grant permission; there are “no trespassing” signs all over the property, and I felt that if there had been a problem it would have been apparent outside – not inside.

At the last moment she had another sheriff come out and he was tall enough to look into the garage window and see that the car was not there.

What floored me, and continues to do so was his reaction.  Three days after this episode I received a scathing note telling me that it was –

“stupid of you to call the sheriff.  I don’t want them trespassing on my property.  If I have both phones shut off it is for a reason.  I am fine.”

This, in spite of the fact we have talked every day for four years except for two days and he did not tell me that he would be unavailable.

To tell you what transpired since then is worse – from my  stand point – in that I have been instructed to “drop dead”; “don’t ever call again”, etc.  (I cleaned up the language.)

My purpose for writing the entire scenario was because I wanted to know if what I did was really so terrible.  Thank you for the vindication.  And … if you can’t get in touch with me after several days, feel free to call anyone you can reach to do a well person check on me.  It’s okay.


{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Frank Gormlie April 6, 2017 at 11:52 am

The photo is meant to be a generic photo and has nothing specifically to do with the scenario itself.


tricia April 6, 2017 at 1:22 pm

Frank.. you did the right thing. It sounds to me like this “friend” has serious mental health problems. Thank you for caring. We should all be so blessed to have a friend like you. Keep up doing the right thing. God bless, tricia


judi April 6, 2017 at 7:55 pm

Thanks Tricia. I would do it again if in the same circumstances.


tricia April 7, 2017 at 10:20 am

sorry. I got your name wrong. My opinion stands. There is no excuse for anyone in your position to be treated this way.


South OB Girl April 7, 2017 at 10:52 am



Candy April 6, 2017 at 1:23 pm

Judi, Wow. I’m so sorry. You absolutely did the right thing. He should have been grateful to you.


South OB Girl April 7, 2017 at 10:53 am

How rude and ungrateful. And flat out mean and terrible to say those things to you.


Mary Witzell April 6, 2017 at 3:07 pm

I feel you did the absolutely right thing. It would have been common courtesy for your friend to notify you that he would be unavailable.


judi April 6, 2017 at 7:55 pm

Thank you Mary. I agree. If only he had told me he would be unavailable this never would have happened.


judi April 6, 2017 at 6:24 pm

Thanks Candy. Just gratifying to know that I did the right thing; meant the best.


PLfamily April 6, 2017 at 8:30 pm

You know, I’m kinda wishing now he’d had a stroke.
What a jackass.
Judy, you did the right thing. You have discovered his true character, & he certainly is no gentleman. I’m sorry this happened to you but you can sleep well knowing you did what a true friend should do.
Although this friendship is lost, you have lots of friends & supporters that stand by you. Wishing you peace.


judi April 6, 2017 at 8:44 pm

Thank you PLfamily. It truly knocked me for a loop. Recovery will happen. Just keep asking myself what I did wrong, and come up with the answer “nothing.” As I have said before, I probably would do the same thing again if I thought someone was in danger. Thank you for your kind words.


John April 6, 2017 at 10:54 pm

You need to get a better friend. He has gone around the bend but since he lives out of range you can do nothing.


BYF April 7, 2017 at 6:21 am

Now I’m wndering if you check on him daily because he has a mental condition. Otherwise, he is taking advantage of your time, concern & kindness.


judi April 7, 2017 at 10:25 am

Thank you, but I have been instructed by him NEVER to contact him again. So…I got the message!


kh April 7, 2017 at 10:56 am

It’s hard to say without knowing him personally. If I know someone is sensitive to that obviously would mean more restraint… waiting longer, etc.

Recently before a solo trip to the desert, I told a good friend I was going and if he didn’t hear from my by Monday send the search party. I intentionally said it in a non-chalant way as most people might. When I returned I did not respond to any of his casual emails or texts for 5 days.

He failed the test, didn’t sound any alarms, didn’t blow up my phone, etc. So I finally responded to him and said I’d have been dead by now if my life depended on him. Next time I head out to the boonies, I won’t bother telling him.


Geoff Page April 7, 2017 at 3:12 pm


Just to add another man’s opinion here, you did nothing wrong at all, the guy should have appreciated that someone cared enough to worry about him. His reaction is so strange that I have to wonder, if you looked back on those four years, if there wasn’t a sign of some oddity before. All you can do is move on and believe what everyone has said here, you did the right thing and you shouldn’t hesitate to do it again if ever faced with such a circumstance. You could be saving someone’s life the next time and that is clearly worth the risk of offending anyone.


judi April 8, 2017 at 5:09 pm

Thank you, Geoff. I appreciate your input.


Leave a Comment

Older Article:

Newer Article: