On Line Dating – Has it Improved Any?

by on December 13, 2012 · 16 comments

in Columns, Culture, Life Events, The Widder Curry

It has been a while since I regaled the readers of my columns about my experiences of on-line dating. Lest you think that it has improved – or that I have met a “match” let me enlighten you during this holiday season.

I have had some very interesting, very hilarious experiences lately.  I am truly amazed at the responses, and subsequent conversations I have had with some of the male subjects.

Some of these “episodes” sound like others I have already written about. Let me assure you that these are all “new” acquaintances. Let’s get started with the man who listed on his profile that he was 63 but later confessed that he was really 83. He said there was a typo and he didn’t know how to correct it. We met for dinner and he told me to eat fast because he didn’t have much time. I was puzzled; “much time for what”, I asked?  It seems that he took his little blue pill when he left his house and he only had about a 2 hour window left. Now, people that know me know that I have a macabre sense of humor.

And…it kicked in.  “A two hour window for what”? “After two hours I won’t be able to get it up”, he answered.  “Get what up?” I asked.  “You know”! he answered.  I told him that we had just met; I was going to enjoy my meal – I planned on paying for it myself – and maybe the next time he should take the pill with his martini.  He told me that he had lost his appetite and maybe we should just leave now.  I agreed – and went to my car and drove home, making sure I wasn’t followed.  I never heard from him again.

The next potential suitor I corresponded with was a 27 year old man that is from Texas who is in the Navy, going to school in San Diego.  I told him that I have made it a point never to date anyone younger than my youngest child – 48 – and in his case two years younger than my two oldest grandchildren.

He said he wasn’t looking for anything from me but the holidays were coming up and he really missed his family. I suggested he write a note to his grandmother and tell her how much he missed her. He said he didn’t want to write a note; he wanted to talk to a grandmother and feel the “warmth” that grandmothers emit when with family. I quickly pointed out that he was not MY family; I probably would not be “emitting anything” and not only was I a grandmother, I was a great-grandmother.  He was very persistent; he was so lonely; he just wanted to talk, although he would not mind if we became “intimate” later on. Intimate? I am 45 years older than him. I asked him if he was smoking something, because I hadn’t even said I would meet him and he was talking intimacy.  I suggested he call me when he grew up a little bit more.

The next gentleman that I talked to had read my profile where-in I said that it would take more than a “house glass of wine to get me in bed.” I liked what this man said; he seemed relatively intelligent, and so I agreed to meeting him at the OB Pier.  When we met, he handed me a bottle of wine. I asked him what the wine was for.  He answered, “I thought if I brought you a bottle of wine instead of a glass of house wine we could go to bed together.” I gave him back his bottle of wine, and told him to give it to someone else. Needless to say, I haven’t heard from him again either.

Then there is the man that posted on his site that he was married and is in an “open” relationship because his wife no longer wants sex so she said it was ok for him to find someone on line. The problem is that on another site the same man – same picture – said that he was a widower looking for a good woman. And if that wasn’t enough, the third site he posted on he stated that he was divorced. And the picture? All three of them were the same and he was with his wife! I reported him to the 3 sites, but he is still listed on all 3 of them.

Sunday I met a man that had a dog that he walked every day. He suggested that we meet and I take Buddy, and we walk along Sunset Cliffs. His dog was large, an Airedale, and not nearly as well trained as Buddy.  We walked our dogs about half a mile, talking as we went. We had similar backgrounds; both raised in Los Angeles County; he was a couple of years older than me; we went to the same college; he was a teacher; he was a college professor, etc. We both had done extensive traveling in Mexico; his wife died of cancer.

He made no effort to climb into bed, BUT he allowed his dog to jump on my furniture and look out the window. The window got fogged; the dog jumped down and went and got a drink of water and then jumped back on the couch. His “beard” was sopping wet and the couch – and window – were also sopping wet when he left. But…the worst part of the entire day was that his dog was sick – “must have been something she ate”, as she dribbled along the entire area we walked, and continued when we got back to my house. And..today…Buddy is not feeling well.  Buddy has asked me not to see him again, and I have concurred.

And finally, the last man I have talked to this week is a 70 year old living in another state. When I said that long-distance relationships do not work he said that he could easily hop a plane; be in San Diego in less than 2 hours, and money was no object.  Although reluctant to meet him, I finally agreed and he said that he would make flight arrangements to come meet me on Wednesday.  Well, Wednesday came and I did not hear from him. Pretty typical, I thought.

He finally called me on the weekend and told me that he had been in an accident – rear ended while waiting to make a left-hand turn – and it would be a couple of weeks before his doctor would allow him to fly. No problem.  As we continued to correspond, I repeated a joke that one of my friends had posted on Face Book, “ . . . . doesn’t it get you angry when you are all set to hug a sexy person only to hit yourself with the mirror?”.  He said, at first, that he didn’t get it; then he said it was stupid.  Wait a minute! He’s telling me that a joke I repeated to him was stupid?  A little later, in another conversation, I told him something, tongue in cheek. He got all bent out of shape. I told him I was pulling his leg and he responded that if I was going to tease him I should tell him before hand that I am going to tease him so he won’t get upset.  Wanna guess what the next thing was that I told him? Yeah! I told him that I did not want to meet him after all; I am known to have a fairly good sense of humor and I did not think that I had to explain my jokes to him. He told me that was ok but he still thought that I was “making too much of it.”

When I go see Santa next week I am going to ask for the following:

A nice man that still thinks with his brain, not his penis; a man that is honest and trustworthy; a man that can be a gentleman if the occasion warrants it; a man that can talk about many different things besides his sexual powers; a man that enjoys walking on the beach; going to museums; who does not insist that I sit on the back of his Harley while going 80 miles an hour on the freeway; a man that doesn’t mind being a cub to my cougar status; a man that likes to cuddle; hold hands and……..well that’s enough of a clue for Santa.  Only 3 more weeks before all of my “subscriptions” expire on the 5 dating sites I am on.  Hope Santa moves quickly.

{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

angeroo December 13, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Wow! They’re terrible at all ages aren’t they??? And I thought online dating in my late 20s/early 30s was bad. Best of luck to you! Happy thoughts :)


judi Curry December 13, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Thanks Angeroo. Little boys just have a hard time (excuse the pun) growing up!


OB Mercy December 13, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Ummmm…Judy, you know Santa doesn’t really exist….right?? Omg, I would be laughing my ass off if I hadn’t been through so many similar “dates” myself over the years online! As you know, I have always commented on your dating stories and you know how I think about it all. I think you might be a bit more persistent than I was and I say good for you…..and may I also say, you must be really, really tired!

I don’t think we should have to kiss THIS many frogs to find one lousy little prince!


judi Curry December 13, 2012 at 3:03 pm

MERCY! Santa doesn’t exist? I’ve been good all year and won’t get any rewards for it? You sure know how to burst a bubble!

Loneliness is an awful affliction. There is no cure for it either, except to hope that some day, some time, I will meet a compatible person that will bring life back to an acceptable range. I don’t even mind kissing the frog even if he doesn’t turn into a prince. A knave would be ok. But he has to have more than just a penis upstairs – and a bottle of pills in his pocket. You are right. I am tired; really tired; and now my sense of humor – which has been able to get me through some of these situations – is being questioned. I envy you with your new love – and hope to emulate you some day soon. Happy Holidays.


OB Mercy December 13, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Naughty or nice, that Santa’s got a great racket going on!

I know lonely. I certainly hope you’re not alone as long as I was. I too, have a great sense of humor that has pulled me through the tough times.

Yes, I finally found love, or should I say, he found me. It is going very well and I’m over the moon. He is the type of man, I wish for all my friends who are seeking a wonderful man with fantastic traits. There has to be a few more out there!

Here’s to kismet!


John December 13, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Judi, that passage about Buddy and the airedale was amusing, but rather revealing at the same time.
When presented with a potential candidate lacking any of the serious flaws of the others, you seemed to allow things of the most absurd nature and not reflective of the man’s character at all, be cause to walk away.
In the interest of not wasting your own time and energy nor that of anyone who responds to you, maybe you should candidly self reflect upon what you really want. Maybe you don’t really want a serious relationship with all of the benefits and compromises and risks entailed- or if you do, perhaps need to lower your standards of what you’re willing to put up with in your life to have it.
Imagine if the situation was reversed and you and Buddy had been at his home- your dog is in an unfamiliar location, wants to look out the window and see his surroundings, probably wouldn’t feel well because he’s not at home and is around another dog. How would you feel if your date rejected you because of your dog’s behavior which, if anything, they should have had empathy for as it was merely the dog’s own natural reactions to the situation?
It’s a well known human condition that the younger we are, the easier we bend in the wind towards others’ behavior. When we’re 5 years old, we get new neighbors and their 5 year old is our best friend instantly.
I figure we only get to meet “the one” potentially, about a half dozen times in our life. It would be a shame if you do soon, and pass it by because you placed unnecessary obstacles in your path to happiness.


judi Curry December 14, 2012 at 6:58 am

John, surely you jest. If a person has a dog that is badly trained – or not trained at all – in my book that is a serious flaw. You wouldn’t allow a child to do what he wanted to do all his life without some training. An animal is no different. My dog has NEVER tried to get up on furniture – with muddy wet feet, no less – since he was trained not to do so. The training took all of 5 minutes. The owner showed no respect for me or my belongings by allowing the dog on the couch. He could have asked if it was ok and I would have answered in the negative.

My dog would never have exhibited the behavior of the Airedale; and my dog, like this one, is in unfamiliar surroundings daily as we take walks in different areas throughout San Diego County. And he never would develop diarrhea from being in a strange place. Further more, the owner knew the dog was sick, yet he brought her anyway. Sorry, John. This man is not one that I would be interested in based on his doggie’s behavior.

And believe me – I know what I want – and don’t feel the need to compromise my principles to the extent of prostituting my beliefs.

Have a wonderful day.


John December 14, 2012 at 1:42 pm

It’s strange you seem to believe you have all the answers, yet the subject of the article is your lamenting your complete lack of success in reeling in a man despite devoting some serious efforts to the cause.
I have always been under the impression that when one writes an article where they expect their authority on the subject to go unquestioned and not be offered suggestions as to where they might be going wrong on the endeavors, that they normally furnish accounts of their glorious successes for readers to see with awe and respect.
What do I know, I’m just a man anyway, without the benefit of a talking dog to tell me I should not date someone again.

” I know what I want – and don’t feel the need to compromise my principles to the extent of prostituting my beliefs.”

That’s pretty dramatic. We’re talking about a previously agreed upon doggie date and the dog didn’t feel well and jumped on your furniture. You make it sound like you were taken to a nudist colony and made to drink until you danced before a crowd.

Judi, all I was saying is that sometimes we forget that as we get older we become too rigid, and set in our ways, and if having everything just so and the way you want it is your biggest priority, well that’s the way you’ll spend the rest of your life. It will also most likely not include any man I’ve ever heard of in the picture- and if the right man comes along and knocks you off your feet you shouldn’t give a damn about your couch.

Love is to be recognized as when we do things that are irrational, knowing they may be bad for us but we’ll throw caution to the wind. We’ll take their dirty dog, their dirty laundry, and their bad habits, and forgive and forget them all, just to be with them.

You feel that this man, who has been living alone, shows an alarming lack of character because his idea of having a pet as companion included allowing the animal up on furniture. I believe you have also expressed in past articles your desire to find someone to hold and cuddle with.

Judi, ever hear of the rock group “Three Dog Night”? Rather fitting for the season, they did the song “Joy to the World”…. As I said, hate to see you place unnecessary obstacles between you and happiness. You only get so many chances to meet a man who just wants to cuddle on a cold night.


Randie December 22, 2012 at 10:55 am

John ..you “Get It”. :)


Findlay December 13, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Sites like attracion(dot)com have stringent security controls to weed out scammers resulting in 50% of registrations being deleted so it’s the registrations that they reject that makes this dating site one of the best around in terms of genuine members who are serious about dating. In addition the video chat feature on this site ensures that you will not be disappointed when you arrange a face to face first date because it enables you to see that what you see is what you get!


judi Curry December 14, 2012 at 6:58 am

I didn’t know about the site you have mentioned. Thank you. I will check it out today.


alex December 14, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Dear Judi,
I hope Santa will bring you what you are looking for. Is it difficult? Maybe, but Santa is Santa and who better than him can arrange to find you a Prince?
So…keep looking and write to Santa.
I wish I was there to take a walk with you and Buddy.


Zach on the side December 15, 2012 at 5:44 pm

The best of the holidays to you, dear lady. It’s more than sad that a good woman will try so hard to find a friend and be at a loss. To be honest, the same is true for good men. They also look and look and look for a decent woman friend. I guess the good match being so elusive equates with the good match being so precious.

I wouldn’t say the things that John said, above, but I’m wondering if you expressed your dismay to the man over his dog? Maybe bad doggie training, or more likely different expectations concerning doggie behavior, was one of his few shortcomings? Considering the dog’s habits, maybe pets aren’t as important to this man. Maybe he’d be willing to go without a pet to have your company?

The only cure for loneliness, save finding a friend, is to be your own best friend. And knowing what a good friend you are, that shouldn’t be too hard for you. Here’s to getting what you want this holiday season!


jim grant December 21, 2012 at 8:01 am

John or should we call you Dr Phil ? you hit the nail on the head the clinching statement of ” John, surely you jest. If a person has a dog that is badly trained – or not trained at all – in my book that is a serious flaw” in her response to you explains why she is moaning and groaning the way she is about men.
That may be in ” her book” But my book says if you can agree on 80% of things and calmly discuss and negotiate the other 20% you have a chance at a fantastic relationship. I saw nothing but good things about the guy in her original posts , and one negative thing about his dog and she writes the guy off with serious flaws…O- well hope she enjoys sitting on the couch alone looking out her clean window wondering where all the good guys are !! She seems to evaluate men the same way she does restaurants with a super critical eye. I bet she would not like being looked at with that critical of an eye. What if he looked at her shape and said ” wow you are out of shape you wear a size 12 thats a serious flaw I’m out of here fatty”


rick December 21, 2012 at 2:52 pm


Your comment is so warm and cheerful, as usual. Happy Holidays.


jim grant December 21, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Yup , just about as warm and cheerful as her thoughts on the state of on-line dating . She whines about online dating but it seems she keeps returning to it for some reason, pretty revealing I think.
…..Thank goodness some of us are not caught up trying to find relationships in the cyber world where she is looking. I actually gave her some advice that might be helpful to her maybe you missed that part of my prior comment. Happy Holidays to you as well….


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