Internet Dating: From Cougar to Cub to “Boy Toy” or What’s It All About?

by on January 21, 2012 · 10 comments

in Culture, Life Events, Ocean Beach, The Widder Curry

Married at the age of 17; divorced at the age of 27; remarried at the age of 27, didn’t give me much time to learn about dating in the modern world.

Now, as a 72 year old widow that was married for 45 years, loneliness has driven me to the point that I am finding myself as a candidate for dating services to aid in the relief of depression and boredom.

I decided at the onset that I did not want to become involved with an “older” man.  I was a care-giver for my husband and watched him die a little bit each day. I do not want to put myself in that position again.  Therefore, when I signed up for the dating service, I said I was interested in men between the ages of 60 and 70 and to enforce my new “Cougar” status,  I signed up on a service that specified it was for “Seniors.”

I filled out the required questionnaire – took me almost one hour to complete it – downloaded a few pictures – even one of Buddy so that the respondents know I have a BIG dog. (Of course, I didn’t say that he really was a “pussy cat” and that he really likes men over women!)  And then I sat back for “flirts”.  Within 24 hours I received an answer to my quest.

A young man – sexy and handsome according to his picture – told me that he really likes “mature women.”  (I wrote him back and told him that he wasn’t looking at a “mature” woman – he was looking at an “OLD WOMAN”.)  He answered by saying he liked my “sense of humor.”  His profile said he was divorced with one child.

Well….I knew he was young – 45 – but I figured “what the heck?” I agreed to meet him at Shades for a glass of wine.  (My daughter has since informed me that the rule of thumb is that you NEVER date a person younger than your youngest child.  Now she tells me!)

We each ordered a glass of wine  and chatted for an hour or so.  Then we decided to take a walk on the pier.  I have to admit that I was glad he had a bum knee from an old football injury, just in case he became overly aggressive, because I could always kick the knee before I attempted to kick him somewhere else!  He asked me if it was ok to give me a hug and I said it was fine.  I can’t tell you how good that hug felt.  Human contact is what I have been missing so much.  The hug that he gave me was so unlike the hug from friends that want to show me support; it was all-encompassing; full of meaning and promise.  Yeah!

Except I wasn’t about to make any promises.  And I read his “meaning” very well.  I asked him about the divorce he wrote about on his profile: he said he had never been married. I asked him about the one child he said he had. He answered that he doesn’t have a child. Hmmmm.  I asked about the discrepancies on his profile and what he was telling me and he said, “ . . but I am telling you the truth now.”  Yeah! Right!  He walked me to my car and asked if he could see me again.  I said he should call me.

Well…he did. At 7:30 the following morning. He asked when he could see me again and I suggested Saturday, the day after tomorrow.  I told him I would be busy in the early hours, and he said he would call me when he woke up.  He called about 9:15 that day and asked when he could come over. COME OVER! He had to be kidding.  I asked him why he wanted to come over and his answer was that he wanted to “ . . . hug me and cuddle with me.”  I told him we had only spent 1 ½ hours together and he would have to “wine me and dine me” before he could come over.

(As it turned out, the water pipes backed up and I was waiting for a plumber to come unclog the drains. I told him I couldn’t go anywhere, and he could not come over.)

He called several times during the day to see how things were going, and when the plumber finally arrived at 3:30pm, he could not fix the problem and I would have to wait for the next plumber to arrive. (He didn’t – until Monday!)  My “boy toy” asked if he could come over after my students went to sleep. I informed him that my students were 29, 28, and 30, and I went to bed way before they did!

He did not call me back until Sunday night and I told him that since Monday was a holiday, I would be taking my students on a tour of San Diego.  He called me on Monday, when I was home, but using caller I.D. I did not answer the phone.  Several minutes  later my cell phone rang and it was him. He demanded to know where I was; why hadn’t I called him back; when could he come over.  Rather than bore you with more details, just before he hung up on me he said that he could tell that I was no longer interested in him. Duh!

Is this what the dating scene is like now? I don’t see much change between then – the 50’s – and now -. Is the prime purpose of dating to jump in the sack? Do men still keep notches on their belts? Is “wining and dining” passé?  How does a “mature” individual meet people of like minds? Does the “boy toy” of today REALLY want someone to sleep with – “sleep” being the wrong descriptive – in payment for helping someone feel grateful for his services?  Sixty years have passed since my first date! (My God I’m old!!!); What it was all about then seems to be the same thing it is all about now.  But, as an educator all of my life, I am willing to do more research on this subject – in the interest of all widows, everywhere.

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

doug porter January 21, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Judy–Your contributions to the OBRag–the slices of life that you show us–are just wonderful. And they are just as important to the development of new media as the stories that expose the abuses of power and privilege in our society. Only by gaining a better understanding of our humanity can we successfully resist/combat the alienation central to the corporatocracy’s need to keep us squabbling amongst ourselves while they exploit our creative and productive labors.
Thank you for all you do.


judi Curry January 21, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Must be a mutual society, Doug, for your articles are thought-provoking and sensitive. Thanks.


Dickie January 24, 2012 at 2:47 pm

couldn’t have said it better, Doug. It is stories like this that make the Rag such a special place for me on the web. At very almost 69 and only married at 64 I know that “senior love” happens and I just know, Judi, that someone like yourself will not be able to miss it . . . all the best and please please please keep on writing . . .


judi Curry January 24, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Thank you so much. Sometimes life is just overwhelming and the purpose of continuing goes by the wayside. I am working on “Chapter 2” of my research. Your wife is one lucky lady.


Christine Schanes January 24, 2012 at 9:51 am


What a great article! I laughed as I read your description of your recent dating experience. I’m still smiling.

All I can say is that he didn’t deserve you!

But, keep your chin up… I know that there is a perfect man out there for you… or maybe more than one!

Keep on keeping on!



judi Curry January 24, 2012 at 9:57 am

Thanks, Christine. As I mentioned at the end of the article, I am furthering my research on on-line dating. This research is much easier than the “old-fashioned library kind.”


Christine Schanes January 24, 2012 at 10:26 am

You’re an inspiration, Judi!


Terrie Leigh Relf February 2, 2012 at 8:05 pm

I admit to trying online dating services. Only the free ones, though. No success there. . .but then that’s just me. A few times, I’ve run into old friends and have gotten together for coffee.

I remember when all you had to do was go to a get-together of some kind, and you’d meet someone. Then again, I was 20-something then!


judi Curry February 2, 2012 at 8:30 pm

You’d think that when you get older you would not have to suffer through the “twenties” again. Wrong! Thanks for your comments.


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