Internet Dating: From Cougar to Cub to “Boy Toy” or What’s It All About?

Married at the age of 17; divorced at the age of 27; remarried at the age of 27, didn’t give me much time to learn about dating in the modern world.

Now, as a 72 year old widow that was married for 45 years, loneliness has driven me to the point that I am finding myself as a candidate for dating services to aid in the relief of depression and boredom.

I decided at the onset that I did not want to become involved with an “older” man.  I was a care-giver for my husband and watched him die a little bit each day. I do not want to put myself in that position again.  Therefore, when I signed up for the dating service, I said I was interested in men between the ages of 60 and 70 and to enforce my new “Cougar” status,  I signed up on a service that specified it was for “Seniors.”

I filled out the required questionnaire – took me almost one hour to complete it – downloaded a few pictures – even one of Buddy so that the respondents know I have a BIG dog. (Of course, I didn’t say that he really was a “pussy cat” and that he really likes men over women!)  And then I sat back for “flirts”.  Within 24 hours I received an answer to my quest.

A young man – sexy and handsome according to his picture – told me that he really likes “mature women.”  (I wrote him back and told him that he wasn’t looking at a “mature” woman – he was looking at an “OLD WOMAN”.)  He answered by saying he liked my “sense of humor.”  His profile said he was divorced with one child.

Well….I knew he was young – 45 – but I figured “what the heck?” I agreed to meet him at Shades for a glass of wine.  (My daughter has since informed me that the rule of thumb is that you NEVER date a person younger than your youngest child.  Now she tells me!)

We each ordered a glass of wine  and chatted for an hour or so.  Then we decided to take a walk on the pier.  I have to admit that I was glad he had a bum knee from an old football injury, just in case he became overly aggressive, because I could always kick the knee before I attempted to kick him somewhere else!  He asked me if it was ok to give me a hug and I said it was fine.  I can’t tell you how good that hug felt.  Human contact is what I have been missing so much.  The hug that he gave me was so unlike the hug from friends that want to show me support; it was all-encompassing; full of meaning and promise.  Yeah!

Except I wasn’t about to make any promises.  And I read his “meaning” very well.  I asked him about the divorce he wrote about on his profile: he said he had never been married. I asked him about the one child he said he had. He answered that he doesn’t have a child. Hmmmm.  I asked about the discrepancies on his profile and what he was telling me and he said, “ . . but I am telling you the truth now.”  Yeah! Right!  He walked me to my car and asked if he could see me again.  I said he should call me.

Well…he did. At 7:30 the following morning. He asked when he could see me again and I suggested Saturday, the day after tomorrow.  I told him I would be busy in the early hours, and he said he would call me when he woke up.  He called about 9:15 that day and asked when he could come over. COME OVER! He had to be kidding.  I asked him why he wanted to come over and his answer was that he wanted to “ . . . hug me and cuddle with me.”  I told him we had only spent 1 ½ hours together and he would have to “wine me and dine me” before he could come over.

(As it turned out, the water pipes backed up and I was waiting for a plumber to come unclog the drains. I told him I couldn’t go anywhere, and he could not come over.)

He called several times during the day to see how things were going, and when the plumber finally arrived at 3:30pm, he could not fix the problem and I would have to wait for the next plumber to arrive. (He didn’t – until Monday!)  My “boy toy” asked if he could come over after my students went to sleep. I informed him that my students were 29, 28, and 30, and I went to bed way before they did!

He did not call me back until Sunday night and I told him that since Monday was a holiday, I would be taking my students on a tour of San Diego.  He called me on Monday, when I was home, but using caller I.D. I did not answer the phone.  Several minutes  later my cell phone rang and it was him. He demanded to know where I was; why hadn’t I called him back; when could he come over.  Rather than bore you with more details, just before he hung up on me he said that he could tell that I was no longer interested in him. Duh!

Is this what the dating scene is like now? I don’t see much change between then – the 50’s – and now -. Is the prime purpose of dating to jump in the sack? Do men still keep notches on their belts? Is “wining and dining” passé?  How does a “mature” individual meet people of like minds? Does the “boy toy” of today REALLY want someone to sleep with – “sleep” being the wrong descriptive – in payment for helping someone feel grateful for his services?  Sixty years have passed since my first date! (My God I’m old!!!); What it was all about then seems to be the same thing it is all about now.  But, as an educator all of my life, I am willing to do more research on this subject – in the interest of all widows, everywhere.