A Mother’s Dilemma About Guns in Her Daughters’ Houses

by on June 5, 2020 · 31 comments

in Ocean Beach

By Judi Cury (written on June 4 )

As a mother of three, grandmother of 18 (including 5 “greats”) and as an opponent of people owning guns for reasons other than hunting, I am faced with something I never thought I would have to reckon with in my lifetime.

I can already hear people saying “what about the 2nd amendment?” and my answer is that that amendment was written a long time ago, when carrying a gun was a safety measure. I have never been able to fathom people carrying rifles, for example, for purposes other than hunting for food to put on the table.  I am violently opposed to killing animals for trophies; I am opposed to people killing people as well.  I am against most guns of all kinds.

Two things happened today that have caused me unrest – along with the Corona Virus, and the horrible murder of George Floyd.  I received the following message this evening:

“Tomorrow is National Gun Violence Awareness Day, when people across the country will wear orange to show that they are part of the fight against gun violence in America.”

I support this group whole-heartedly.  I do not buy the story that “guns don’t kill, people do.”  If it were up to me I would close all gun shops in America and confiscate every gun that is in a person’s home that is not used for hunting food.  I can’t help but remember all of the senseless killings that have taken place, not a long time ago, but recently. The children and their teachers; the movie goers; the concert goers, etc.

I do not like target practices; I do not like gun ranges; I guess I just don’t like anything that has to do with guns. Period.

The second thing that happened today was when I received a call from one of my daughters.  She was going shopping and wanted to know if I needed anything.  As we talked more, she told me that she had heard from her son – one of my grandsons – that he was concerned for her safety.

She lives in the San Diego area that announced a potential protest taking place. He was afraid that she might be in the area where looting and mayhem might occur.  He asked her if he could bring her a gun!  She said that she felt safe; that the area that she lived in would not be part of the protest, and turned him down.

He still felt that she needed some protection and suggested that they meet at a gun range so she could “practice” shooting to see if she was comfortable with it. She agreed and, as I am writing this, I presume that she is learning how to shoot at a target.  Just the idea makes me cringe.

I have long known that my grandson has guns. His father was a Navy Seal and I remember when he was a little boy and asked “Where’s Daddy?” my daughter answered by saying “he’s out shooting Bambi.” I know that their father has taken them out numerous times to shoot animals. I believe that most of them were used for food, because their freezer was always filled with things I wouldn’t eat.  But, none-the-less, I hated – hate – the idea of them having guns in their hands.

Sure, they know how to use them.  I believe that two of my great-grandchildren – the kin of the SEAL – also go shooting, and they are only 10 and 12.  I don’t approve, and we used to have discussions about it. We don’t any longer – like we don’t discuss the Republicans in the family.

But I am truly upset by the fact that my daughter, at her son’s urging, will now have a firearm in her home.  Guns are not the answer to the problems; in fact, they only add to the problem.  I am upset to think that someday, by accident, that gun may go off injuring, or worse, killing another human being.  If the gun is locked up, and she had an intruder, by the time she gets it from the safe and loads it, valuable time will elapse.  There is no way that I can justify in my mind a loaded gun in her house.

I have been told by another daughter today that they also have guns.  That makes me feel sick too.  And, I suppose if I ask my third daughter she would also tell me they had them, although it has never come up, and, quite frankly, I don’t want to know.

So I will be wearing Orange, in support of Gun Control all over America.  I will try to refrain from talking about my daughter’s newest addition to her home. And I will keep positive thoughts that she never uses it; that she will be safe; and, even better, that she told my grandson that she doesn’t need it.

Be safe out there, people.  It’s not the world we knew 3 ½ years ago, and it isn’t getting any better. “Black Lives Matter”, without question, and really, “ALL Lives Matter.”


{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }

Allan Moser June 5, 2020 at 1:30 pm

Still never happy I see.


Judi Curry June 5, 2020 at 1:37 pm

I’ll be even unhappier if she has to use it!


Geoff Page June 5, 2020 at 2:59 pm

Still making positive comments I see, Moser.


Will June 5, 2020 at 3:55 pm


I am fine with you not wanting a gun. But would you deny that right to a law abiding neighbor? If not, are you OK with the authorities only having guns?

Or how about a young lady who is about to become the victim of a rapist or ex-boyfriend intent on killing her?



Frank Gormlie June 5, 2020 at 4:13 pm

Or how about if your GF is sleeping and intruders burst through your front door, you grab your legal gun and fire and the return fire kills your GF – shot 8 times – and the intruders are the police.


Geoff Page June 5, 2020 at 4:27 pm

The problem is hand guns. They are very hard to be accurate with unless you practice religiously. The law-abiding neighbor may be one who thinks big firepower is best and sends several shots through his walls and yours and misses the intruder. My idiot brother bought a .44 magnum when he lived in a trailer park. One shot would probably have pierced several trailers. The best defense for a home, beyond having a good dog, is a shotgun. You don’t have to be a great shot and it probably would not go through the walls of two homes. If you are a hunter, then keep powerful rifles locked up and keep a shotgun handy if you feel the need. Hand guns should be banned. They are too easy to use in a moment of emotion either on someone else or yourself.


Terry Muckley June 6, 2020 at 5:42 pm



Judi Curry June 6, 2020 at 10:30 am

So Will….I am a former educator. Let’s take this into the classroom. The schools have decided to have guns in all the classrooms to “protect” the student. Mr. Bob, a beloved teacher, happens to be black. The call comes in “active shooter on the school grounds.” Mr. Bob gets all of his students in the proper positions; locks the door; goes to the locked cabinet; takes out the school-issued gun, loads it, and is ready for the shooter. The door is broken down by the police; they see this beloved teacher holding a gun; he is black, and they shoot him. I am not in favor of guns in any shape or form EXCEPT for hunting for food.


Terry Muckley June 6, 2020 at 5:44 pm



Nancy Witt June 5, 2020 at 4:27 pm

Thanks, Judi and Frank for your comments from the others also. You are right.


retired botanist June 5, 2020 at 4:39 pm

Will! Ask me! Yes, I would deny the right to a law-abiding neighbor. Am I ok with only the authorities having guns? No, I’m not. There are plenty of countries, the UK for example, where law enforcement do not carry weapons. Does that mean gun tragedies don’t happen in those countries, too? No, to wit the massacre in Scotland of an entire generation of 1st graders in the rural community of Dunblane. Look it up. I was the mom of a 1st grader, living 5km down the road. I had moved to the UK, in part, precisely b/c it was a safer environment. Wake up call.

Now I live in the US, and who knows who’s packing heat at the grocery store, the parking lot, the freeway. Who knows what parent leaves the gun cabinet unlocked, what wiley 10 yr old knows where “dad’s gun” is stored. It is a complete blasphemy on the constitution and the second amendment, nevermind the corruption of the NRA lobby in our democratic politics. The second amendment was written over 200 years ago. For most of us, times have changed! Evolve.
So, picture this: Now we all have the right to carry guns: moms, policemen, anyone over 16, people like me who have never even held a gun. Whoever, whatever, whenever. Want a semi-automatic? No problem. Want to conceal it? No problem. So now what? Next, everything is justified as self-defense.
Then what? Just the “Great American Shoot-out?” Or, semi-automatics are not ok, but any hand gun is. Seriously, its just a super, uber, illogical argument.
Judi’s kids, grandkids, great-grandkids should not be backed into some CORNER that makes them feel they have to own and use guns. Its DUMB. Its an offensive entitlement. And don’t bother with the “we eat venison all winter”. The percentage of American population that actually needs to subsist on the game they kill is infinitesimally small.
Ok, whew, “glad you asked”!


Chris June 6, 2020 at 6:06 am

Don’t forget a rocket launcher to take to Starbucks.


Chris June 6, 2020 at 5:54 am

Unfortunately I don’t think there’s an easy answer. No matter what you or I or anyone else thinks about whether or not the 2nd amendment is still relevant, it’s really your daughters choice whether or not to own a gun. I truly hope this won’t strain your relationship with them. All you can do is encourage them to be very rational with their choice despite the irrationality of owning a firearm in the first place.


Chris June 6, 2020 at 6:00 am

On an unrelated note, what do you think about the sport of biathlon? The overwhelming participants come from countries that have very strict gun laws (pretty much an outright ban on private citizens owning a gun). Not sure what authorization procedures the participants have to go through to obtain their gun for the sport. What I do know is they really are not gun enthusiasts beyond the realms of their sport.


Richard June 6, 2020 at 8:36 am

“The second amendment was written a long time ago., when carrying a gun was a safety measure.” Well said Judi
The second amendment was about forming militias to protect a country without an army. Now it’s about marketing a defective product (Guns) and putting them in the hands of the unqualified many.
PS: I served two campaigns with the USMC in Vietnam Nam. We killed the enemy with the same weapons in combat, that are used on the streets of America today. I believe the high court got it wrong In 2006 on the intent of the second amendment. I’m for long guns for hunting, all else should be banned with strict exceptions.



Judi Curry June 6, 2020 at 10:31 am

Thanks Richard. So glad you are a survivor. Thanks for fighting for our country.


Chris June 6, 2020 at 11:12 am

Growing up in California my whole life and not being a gun person I’ve always taken my own personal experience for granted. 20 years in the Navy (ok yes I had shot guns during that time) I’ve met people from all over the country and it’s amazing how different attitudes are in different regions. I’ve known people from parts of the country where pretty much everyone in their community owned a firearm of some sort or another and until they came out here had never encountered anyone who found that objectionable. So fore them coming here was quite a culture shock. No matter the danger of guns in the hands of private citizens, we need to keep things like that in mind before passing judgement. Not all gun owners are right wing NRA fanatics.


Peter from South O June 6, 2020 at 12:15 pm

Judi, instead of feeling a bit powerless might I suggest that you concentrate your persuasive efforts on making sure that if she does purchase a gun that she also purchases a trigger lock and gun safe and understands the safety rules. Hopefully that will ease your mind a bit later on.


Judi Curry June 6, 2020 at 1:06 pm

Thanks Peter. It won’t. I see no sense in a private citizen having a gun. Just knowing it is there will make me think twice about even visiting her. (Perhaps that is her goal!). I do not like guns; I don’t like to be near them, safety locks or not.


Peter from South O June 7, 2020 at 9:48 am

Perhaps the dialogue about the details that she needs to be aware of if she is persuaded (after one visit to a range?) to go the dangerous route will cause her to reconsider. Don’t give up!


Old Man Enfield June 6, 2020 at 12:31 pm

Gun control will be washed away.


Judi Curry June 7, 2020 at 3:08 pm

What “gun control?” It is practically non-existant.


Stan Levin June 6, 2020 at 1:41 pm

Thanx Judi ….
You certainly speak for me and others like me as well.
Unlike many of our super-patriot gun-toting heroes,
I have “been there”, I can tell you from unforgettable experience,
getting shot at can be a great attitude adjuster and suck the tough right out of you.
I am doing quite well without the need of a firearm
to prove to the 2nd amendment universe how tough I am!


Judi Curry June 6, 2020 at 3:30 pm

Thanks, Stan. Experience speaks loudly. So glad that you also survived.


Will June 7, 2020 at 8:13 am

If only the police should have guns, but you don’t trust the police, what do you do?


Judi Curry June 7, 2020 at 3:08 pm

Not all police are bad. There are some fantastic ones that I have dealt with in the past. I have talked to Officer Surillo for many years and have found him to be concerned for our neighborhood and uses positive feedback to keep us safe. At one time I worked with Officer Lucarelli from the CHP in working with the students in my schools. I have NEVER met an Officer portrayed the police like we are seeing today. So….all in all, I trust the police department to come to my aid when I need them. If I didn’t trust them, I’d go higher up the scale – although if it that means dealing with Campbell or Faulconer’s office, I’d forget it. (Those are the ones I don’t trust!)


triggerfinger June 7, 2020 at 4:45 pm

Are you saying you disown family members based on your political beliefs?

That’s very sad if true. How can that possibly be worth stressing over?


Chris June 7, 2020 at 5:04 pm

Sad yes but that’s the reality for lots of families.


nostalgic June 7, 2020 at 5:47 pm

Triggerfinger, guns are not about political beliefs. They are about the possibilities of accidents or danger to people around them. Nobody said that they would disown family members who had guns. I was in Texas, and a couple of guys got in the elevator with guns in holsters. I was instantly “on alert.” That is not something we are used to here. Those guns gave those guys the dominance that they needed, but I didn’t need it.


Judi Curry June 7, 2020 at 7:41 pm

What I am saying is that we do not discuss it. I am against stupidity, and it is of great concern to think that my children support a situation that is so opposed to what they were raised with.


Will June 7, 2020 at 8:58 pm

You should happy that your children embrace diversity of opinion.


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