Feeling the Love of the Universe Through All of You

by on December 7, 2011 · 26 comments

in From the Soul, Life Events, Popular

Photo courtesy of M Reza Faisal

To all you well wishers out there, know that I love each one of you dearly and deeply appreciate your prayers and your soothing words and your hugs and two kisses. Oh, you ease so much of the pain that our family is going through hoping that our Debbie will pull through.

Okay, so I know you’re thinking “Yeah, we cool, but how are YOU doing?” Well, you mean, other than not knowing whether I’m coming or going?

Actually, I’m okay, under the circumstances, one might say, but in all this I find myself wondering “Am I crazy?” Then I think I must be because I can’t rid myself of a most compelling urge to just let loose like Daffy Duck, casting my sanity to the four winds, the pain is so stunning.

This is about the most mindblowing experience I’ve ever had and believe me I’ve had my fair share of “Far out!” moments. But this is a high that has me talking in tongues, of a sort, like the other day I was about to enter Grant’s Deli around the corner from me and this little girl, at the entry way, did a snazzy somersaulty flippy move of some kind and the only words in my mind that I could find to express my admiration for the trick was: “Holy Moly!” That’s right, “Holy Moly!” I mean Holy Moly, I had never thought or said Holy Moly in my life. I had to ask myself: “Was that me?” Am I developing a cartoon complex? First Daffy Duck and now I’m a character in a Captain Marvel comic book?

I guess next it will be “Ah caramba!” or “Jumping Jehosophat!” “Golly Gee willikers?”

Hey, not to worry, I’m going to be okay but this thing has me in a daze. I mean talking about zoning out. Whew! The other night I was sitting mostly undressed (not meant to titillate), supposedly getting ready for bed, and thoughts of my daughter zipped back and forth and up and down and all around and through my head and a strange feeling came over me. I couldn’t figure out what it was. Where had I felt like that before? Then I remembered attending an NFL playoff game in 1974 in Minneapolis, in December, between the Vikings and the Cardinals and then it dawned on me what was happening: I was freezing! I had to laugh as I pajamaed myself with my teeth sounding like an instrument in Xavier Cugat’s band.

Hey, it’s painful and there’s no escaping it but I feel the love of the universe through the sweet power of the good wishes that you all have sent my family’s way. This will buoy me, carry me, keep me on my feet.

I just need you to keep the love coming and to watch out for me when you see me on the streets. You never know when I might need you to yell: “Hey, Ernie, watch out! You’re about to walk into that wall!” Or “Dude, didn’t you see that black cat cross your path? That’s bad luck!” And be ready for a reply like “What do you expect, I’m Daffy Duck!” (smile)

Let me leave you with these words from “The Gift” (from poems by Hafiz) that was given to me by a dear friend. I read it to Debbie the other day (December 6) and I saw her face relax, her eyes quiver, a mite. Mean anything? It did to me. Later she opened her eyes wide and moved her head from side to side, and lifted her arms and legs a bit. Two days before she felt pain. She’s still in the game. The Poem:


Did the rose
Ever open its heart
And give to this world
All its
It felt the encouragement of light
Against its
We all remain

{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }

Rene C. December 7, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Golly Gee Willikers! Sometimes if that is all we can do to keep from loosing it, then that is all we can do. Much love from Ohio… you are one wonderful soul and your daughter/family is still in my prayers. ((hugs)) P.s. the 12 Days of Christmas was playing from the bell tower here at UT today at noon sharp. I thought of you.


Ernie McCray December 7, 2011 at 4:21 pm

By jiminy, it feels good being in your thoughts (smile).


Sunshine December 7, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Ernie, your conscious choice to choose Love over and over again as life has its way with you makes me all warm & fuzzie inside. Considering how cold it’s been these past few nites, that’s fine and dandy with me. And what a humm dinger that poem is!

Repeat as often as you can, “I choose Love” we could all use a bit more of that going around.


Ernie McCray December 7, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Thanks so much, Sunshine. Your sentiments have truly brought me sunshine and: “I choose Love. I choose Love. I choose Love…”


Paula Dycaico December 7, 2011 at 5:54 pm

So glad to hear that your daughter is still in the game! You are loved by so many whose lives you have touched and I know we all are thinking about you and Debbie.


Ernie McCray December 7, 2011 at 6:35 pm

And I can feel it. Hey, we old Muir folks know what real love is, huh? Love out.


Lauren December 7, 2011 at 10:56 pm

Dear Ernie

I’m glad to hear an update both of Debbie and you.

It sounds like she has made some progress and I sure hope she continues to improve. No wonder you find yourself in a daze with your teeth chattering.

Thinking of you and your family with love.


Ernie McCray December 8, 2011 at 12:31 am

I can feel the love and it’s the best thing I’ve found for daze phases (smile).


Suzi Patterson December 7, 2011 at 11:07 pm

Hang in there dear Ernie. We are all thinking about you and Debbie.

Love, Suzi


Ernie McCray December 8, 2011 at 12:32 am

Thank you, Suzi P. I’ve kind of gotten “hanging in there” down after these past almost two and a half years – as you know so well.


pamela kobusch December 7, 2011 at 11:10 pm

oh god, please bring ernie’s debbie back. please bring ernie’s debbie back. please bring ernie’s debbie back. oh god, please baffle all them doctors, them. please god. amen.


Ernie McCray December 8, 2011 at 12:33 am

Hey, I feel you, Pamela. I like the ring of your words.


antonio December 8, 2011 at 1:20 am

When I think of the women in my life, my sisters , my momma’s, (i have two)my girlie girl, my friends, my only wife m’lafi. I think of the words to the best wriiten song ever. “MY GIRL”


Ernie McCray December 8, 2011 at 11:31 am

Talkin’ ’bout, MY GIRL…


pamela kobusch December 8, 2011 at 1:32 pm

she brings you, you bring her sunshine on these cloudy days, your girl…


Ernie McCray December 8, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Doo Waa!


Maurice Martin December 8, 2011 at 7:51 am

My prayers are of you and Debbie, that God’s grace will prevail, and heal you both.

Hang in there my friend, no worries, being in the crazy room is not so bad once you get your barrings, just remember everything is upside down, and right side up,, no backward or forward, and most things are turned all around with no right or left turn to it. with nothing to hang on to or push from……….once you get that down you will be fine….I know, I have long experence in that room.
Its faith that keeps you up Right and steady and love that perpels you forward in the direction you want to go.

keep the faith, my friend you are not along



Ernie McCray December 8, 2011 at 11:34 am

Hey, I know what you mean. This is “go with the flow” on the REAL, going with all the love I FEEL. Thanks for your prayers.


Toni Kaus December 8, 2011 at 8:45 am

Dear Ernie, Feeling for you and hoping for Debbie here in Prescott. Much love coming your way. Toni


Ernie McCray December 8, 2011 at 11:37 am

Mil gracias, Toni. Nothing like “much love.”


Lynda Sterns December 8, 2011 at 8:56 am

You are an inspiration. You are constant with love and have a burning desire to see and and understand life. You are a survivor so keep sharing your love with Debbie and family and wonders come true. Take care of yourself brother we love you.


Ernie McCray December 8, 2011 at 11:35 am

And your love is so powerful. Arizona love.


Ed Leon December 8, 2011 at 9:02 am

My Buddy! I wrote this this morning around 4am for a friend , whose mother and best friend has only days to live, and though it apropos to share, in light of your words:

Ihas occurred to me over time that the life of a good person life never really ends, when we say goodbye to a loved one, but rather endures because of that person’s profound influence on us. My father passed away much too early in 1977. However, I can truthfully say there is not a day in my life that passes, on which I don’t think about him. SOMETHING always triggers that fond memory…a song, a saying, a beautiful piece of work in concrete or stone, a certain food, place, aroma of Mennen’s After Shave, a photo, a mannerism, a situation. I believe that is the greatesttribut we can give someone. The fact that they had such an impact on our life tells us that they left our world a better place. So, I just wanted to put down the following words for you to ponder.

Every life the the greatest treasure to SOMEONE. It is prized and protected in our memory’s vast vault, its multi-faceted delights to be awed and relished upon each and every visit to that marvelous museum of our mind. Like a wondrous work of art, the passage of time only enhances its beauty-a constant reminder of what a marvel it is that one human being can have such a profound impact upon another, and that the world, therefore, has been left a better place.


Ernie McCray December 8, 2011 at 11:46 am

I hear you, old friend. Your approach is much like mine. I keep people in my heart forever. My mother and my Nancy died much too young, my mother back in 1975, less than a month after that playoff game I mentioned in my piece – and so many things make me think of her, delicious smelling food, gospel piano playing, any very intelligent woman, traveling, interesting ideas, my children and my grandchildren at certain angles… She made quite an impact on me. Nancy, up until this ordeal with my daughter, was on my mind the instant something else left my mind. I will stand and withstand this present challenge in their memory.


Ed Leon December 8, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Right on, may good man! I love ya!


Ernie McCray December 8, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Love you, too!


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