FDA Labels Cheerios a “Drug” – not kidding

by on May 18, 2009 · 6 comments

in Health

by Erik Deckers / Laughing Stock / May 18, 2009

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is now classifying Cheerios —— those little round O’s made of oats that have been around since 1941 —— as a drug, and sent a letter to General Mills saying as much.

cerealThey even put the letter on their website: “Based on claims made on your product’s label, we have determined that your Cheerios Toasted Whole Grain Oat Cereal is promoted for conditions that cause it to be a drug.”

Uhh, do you realize that this is a breakfast cereal made out of oats and modified corn starch? People eat it with milk, as a part of a balanced breakfast. My kids used to eat them by the fistful when they were babies.

Keep in mind this is the same FDA that has allowed a number of big pharma drugs onto the market, only to recall them because “painful, needless death” was a common side effect for some of them. The same FDA that Congress wants to investigate their medical device review process, because they have “corrupted and interfered with the scientific review of medical devices.”

So does this mean that General Mills have been poisoning the entire world for the last 68 years, or is the FDA doing their usual bang-up job?

The FDA’s biggest complaint, not including the one that no one takes them seriously anymore, is that General Mills claims that Cheerios can help lower bad cholesterol.

According to an article on Canada.com, the FDA says these claimes show that Cheerios are “. . .intended to be used to lower cholesterol and prevent, lessen or treat the disease hypercholesterolemia, and to treat and prevent coronary heart disease.”

Which means the FDA assumes the product is a drug. Which means General Mills cannot market Cheerios as they are, unless they apply for approval for a new drug, or changes the way it labels it.

Look for the FDA to begin regulating exercise tapes and programs, gym memberships, and for the Drug Enforcement Agency to begin cracking down on Cocoa Puffs and Fruit Loops. Cap’n Crunch will be taken into custody, and the Trix Rabbit will be gunned down in a drive-by, with no clue to the shooter, other than a handful or orange stars, green clovers, and blue diamonds.

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

mr fresh May 18, 2009 at 1:09 pm

captain crunch is now classified as a recreational drug…lol


jon May 18, 2009 at 1:41 pm

This just in: Yogurt considered gateway drug.


Gary Gilmore May 18, 2009 at 2:02 pm

If Cheerios are now a drug what does that make Fruit Loops? HHmmmm… wonder what will happen when I put a Cheerio in my bong… gotta go.


Wireless Mike May 18, 2009 at 3:17 pm

So when do we start seeing 420 Flakes in the cereal aisle?


AZBlue May 19, 2009 at 7:57 am

You don’t even want to know what Cheerios spelled backwards means. Omigod…now we’ll need the FCC, FTC, FAA, FDC and the FBI to investigate possible cereal crimes.


Shawn Conrad May 19, 2009 at 1:33 pm

I am so happy to be off teh Cheerios. That was a dark, dark time in my life.

Thank you granola.


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