OB Rag Exclusive: New Wikileaks release details CIA surveillance of Ocean Beach

by on December 23, 2010 · 17 comments

in Are You Kidding?, Culture, Satire, War and Peace

The ongoing drama surrounding leaked diplomatic cables came to Ocean Beach today when the Wikileaks organization released a report from an American intelligence agent sent to OB to investigate “possible revolutionary sentiment.”

The report, which the unidentified agent submitted to CIA higher-ups in mid-2010, seemed to downplay reports of a secessionist movement in the area. While confirming that “an area gift shop” was distributing a sticker reading “US out of OB,” the report concluded that “the sticker appears to be humorous, as other stickers sold at the same storefront” featured messages such as “100% Bitch” and “Wine Me, Dine Me, Sixty-Nine Me.”

Other details from the leaked report provide fascinating insights into the US government’s dossier on Ocean Beach. For example, in an apparent nod to OB’s economic diversity, the report said the community “includes a sizable helping of high-end homes and automobiles” while at the same time “is not without an appealing touch of surf-town surliness.”

After encountering “a pungent, skunk-like aroma” while walking past a stretch of cottages near the beach, the report’s author speculated that the odor “might have been related to area voters’ recent ringing endorsement of California’s Prop 19.”

The report described Newport Avenue as home to “a myriad of small businesses” with “an apparent emphasis on alcohol and antiques.” The report also described Newport as “pleasantly free of chain stores and franchises, with the exception of one coffee shop” whose name was redacted.

The report noted that “wide open, unspoiled views of the Pacific” have been maintained in Ocean Beach “thanks to a 30-foot height limit thoughtfully enacted decades before.” Still, the report’s author seemed perplexed by some homeowners’ development decisions.

“One beachfront street has a new home that stands two stories taller than the other homes on the block,” the agent wrote. “Who would do that?”

The report’s author also expressed confusion at “some residents’ impractical affinity” for four-wheel drive vehicles, given that “all roads are adequately paved, the area receives no snow, and it hardly ever even rains.”

According to the report, the agent’s visit to OB included a stop at South Beach Bar and Grill, where the Mahi tacos were “seriously delicious.”

{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

BillRayDrums December 23, 2010 at 11:26 am

“After encountering “a pungent, skunk-like aroma” while walking past a stretch of cottages near the beach, the report’s author speculated that the odor “might have been related to area voters’ recent ringing endorsement of California’s Prop 19.””

I have no idea what they are talking about. ;)


Frank Gormlie December 23, 2010 at 12:25 pm

OB has both “types” of skunk. Once, after my dog was encased in one skunk type aroma, one of my suits that I had to wear for work was inundated with her new smell, and at work, co-workers recognized the aromatic attributes from the 4-legged variety, but yet I tried – to no avail – to pawn off the smell to the second type, saying, “hey I’m from OB.”


Wes Johnson December 23, 2010 at 12:58 pm

ATTENTION: The upcoming, planned revolution which had been scheduled for April 20th, 2011 (4/20/11) @ 4:20 p.m. has been temporarely postponed due to Wikileaks and just plain apathy due to too many 420 celebrations.


annagrace December 23, 2010 at 1:56 pm

Rich, Shane, Rich :)


dave rice December 23, 2010 at 2:29 pm

Nice…Shane Finneran, official Rag satirist?


Diane5150 December 24, 2010 at 5:38 am

Nice to know the CIA is investigating the right people, or would that be the people on the left.


Thomas December 24, 2010 at 8:21 am

Government is dead. Useless information that could be collected while working from home for Google.com. The one World order is us.


Old Hermit Dave December 24, 2010 at 11:58 am

Great read Shane—Wonder why he never talked to Gitmo Dave?


CIA December 24, 2010 at 10:05 pm

We are tracking everyone who comes to this site. you pay your bills online? we see it. You like pornography? We watch you watching it. You send a “funny” email about terrorists? We consider you one. You look at Wikileaks? We know all who do. We are watching you. All of you.


Patty Jones December 25, 2010 at 11:43 am

Hey CIA, we know you visited this website several times, read about Santa and IKEA, smart meters and Wikileaks… are you watching yourself too? Thanks for stopping by…


ss December 25, 2010 at 9:12 am

Thank the CIA for keeping us safe


Old Hermit Dave December 25, 2010 at 2:56 pm

Hey CIA could you by chance let us know just why none of your covert people in Afghanistan had a clue where Osama Bin Laden was after 9/11/01? Is it true that your entire covert squad at that time was made up of old women over 70 and that is why Cheney/Rummy/Blair had absolutely no other chance on earth to solve the problem except to bomb the country and kill more humans than were killed on 9/11/01? Inquiring minds want to know.


Poolside Plano December 26, 2010 at 1:38 pm

Cool,, I’m so scared you should see what my right hand is doing. Okay, What am I thinking now? Ha! Your an idiot? No. Your Something I fear? No. Oh Really I’m thinking.. I’m sorry to interrupt your blatantly bullshit crap. Oh and WE LOVE WIKILEAKS !!! Freedom, Freedom. Hey , will you guys pay my bills .. please.. there not that much and its probably the CIA expense of operation that has made me poor you pieces of crap.
No good comes from the CIA . Just story’s already published.

Hey did you guys know this is the Internet and we also get watched by Russia, Croatia, Saudi Arabia, Iran, Korea, Mexico, Columbia, and of course..our friends up north posing as the French in Canadia…did you know the French do that.

and can you tell T-Mobile they charge too much or maybe you don’t stoop that low.

Author CIA..get the Fuck off our page. Unless you have something pertinent to add. Go to hell.com
This is FREEDOM of SPEECH!! Ever heard of it…dipwad.
Poolside Plano .


OBWarZone December 28, 2010 at 12:40 pm



Dixon Guizot December 29, 2010 at 3:35 pm

Sorry there, Zoner, but I’m not at liberty to disclose any additional sources of this story.


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