Listening to My Heart

Though I know not
what a prayer really is
and so many
“How to live”
theories and
philosophies
lean towards Show Biz –
I never-the-less
bask in the multitudes
of petitions to a higher power
and self help psychology
that my family has realized
since my daughter
began her struggle
to remain alive.
They comfort me,
inspire me,
and as much as I understand them,
they validate my take on spirituality,
my belief that
our views
our attitudes,
whatever they might be,
reside in our hearts.
Our hearts.
For isn’t it through our hearts
that we are
connected to the universe,
vibrating with its energy,
receiving its never ending love,
every day,
each human being,
since the beginning of humankind?
Isn’t it through our hearts
that we survive,
that we are alive?
Is the heart not
where our feelings lie?
And I’ve been listening to my heart
like one wouldn’t believe,
emboldened and energized
by all the prayers
and New Age good wishes
that have come my way
in these challenging days.

And my heart tells me
that my girl will heal,
that she will rise,
that when she moves her head
from side to side,
opening her eyes wide,
she’s saying that she
is resisting
moving on to the “other side.”

And when she moves
her arms
and hands
she’s trying to do the “hand jive.”
Would my heart lie?

And when she reaches
out to the air above her bosum
she’s grabbing a hold of life.

And when she moves her legs up and down
and wiggles her toes
she’s trying
to put some “git up” in her “go,”
ready
to step,
to dance,
to skip,
to prance.

And when she grimaces
and squints
like she’s trapped
in a nightmarish dream
I feel like saying to her,
you are, baby, so scream,
scream, scream
and wake up and
walk away from this dream
or run away from this dream,
or jog,
moonwalk,
or do-si-do
away from this dream.
Leave the dream
to the dream world, baby.

Listening to my heart
allows me
to envision this woman,
my very first child,
waking up
to enjoy the gift of a new start,
back on the path
she once walked
when she used to:
mother and grandmother;
cook and clean;
go to work;
smile and laugh;
take the good
with the bad;
worship;
have a future,
not just a past.

Listening to my heart
leads me to believe
my pleas to the universe
for my daughter’s return
is not too much to ask.

Photo courtesy of wandering angel via flickr.com