The Old Broad Ponders: ‘Is Amazon Watching Me Age?’

By Judi Curry

The aging process really sucks. It doesn’t matter if it is the house you bought 50 years ago; or the car you bought 10 years ago; or the body that you were gifted with so many years ago. As each year passes more and more things seem to go wrong.

For example, my husband and I bought a large sectional couch 20 years ago.  We placed in front of the three large windows in the living room.  Behind the couch we had floor to ceiling drapes. Also 20 years ago.  About 6 months ago, in preparation for a Bunco party at my house, I decided to have the carpets cleaned.

When the cleaner pulled the couch away from the wall I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The entire back of the couch was eaten away from the sun! In spite of the drapes, which, I also found out, were shredded from the sun, I could actually take out the “stuffing” from the back of the couch.  I just couldn’t see putting the couch back and so I donated it to a charitable organization and purchased a new couch.

Now that I had a new couch, I couldn’t use the ragged, sun eaten drapes anymore, so I had to replace them also.

And it goes on. The flapper in the outside bathroom no longer “flapped” and it needed to be replaced.  Then the handle in that same bathroom apparently didn’t like the new flapper, because when flushed it wouldn’t come to an upright position anymore.  The water flowed, and flowed and flowed.

And, while cleaning the vent over the stove, it fell apart in my hand. In pieces.  So…that had to be replaced too.  And, in a way, that is the reason for this story.

I went to my favorite place for buying EVERYTHING – Amazon.  Yes, I know there is a lot of controversy right now about Amazon, but they fill my needs easily and economically. And I didn’t have to fight the crowds at Home Depot and the dogs that always seem to be running in the aisles.

And yes, I could have gone to OB Hardware, but the last two times I went there – since the change of ownership – the parts that I needed they did not have and I ended up at Home Depot anyway.  So I just started with Amazon and placed the order.

Now during this time of being made aware of things getting older, I have also become very aware of how much older I have become. People used to compliment me on my skin, and since the only make-up I use is eye make-up, I took the compliments graciously.  I should say that I also weighed 100 pounds more than I weigh now and the skin was “full”; couldn’t sag or be lined because the weight took care of that.

Friends that used to complement me still do, buy, let’s face it. THEY are getting older; their eyes are not what they used to be, and they do not see the deep lines and crevices that are now astounding to me. I could never understand why my mother kept having face lifts; after all, this is life and as you age your beauty becomes more enhanced. What a crock that is!

Yesterday, the parts that I ordered from Amazon arrived.  My neighbor Ron was here to install the vent for me, and when he opened the package two small items fell out.  He looked at them and said to me, “is this something you ordered ?”  It wasn’t.  But bless Amazon.  They must have been watching me as I looked in the mirror every day. Because in those two small packages were two bottles of “Vitamin C Face Solution”, guaranteed to get rid of my wrinkles!!!

At first I was upset to think that Amazon had been watching. After all, I didn’t order them (at the cost of $21.99 I would never order two!). Then I was grateful to Amazon for caring so much that they would send me these two bottles to try and rid myself of the wrinkles.  They really seem to care.

I called Amazon to thank them for the “gift” and asked Geraline if I had ordered them and forgot.  She assured me that I had not made the purchase.  I asked her what I should do with them and she said that they were now mine; I could use them and see if they work; or I could give them away as a gift, or …

I started using one of the bottles this morning.  They next time you see me I expect my skin to be smooth, wrinkle-free, and glowing. After all, Amazon wouldn’t send me something that couldn’t live up to the hype, could they?  I wonder if they have noticed the other “sagging” parts of my body.  I’m looking forward to the next package from Amazon.