Five Stages of Republican Grief (A Tribute to the U-T’s Steve Breen)

Mapping Bob Filner’s Brain by Steve Breen, which appeared in the U-T San Diego on April 4, 2013.

By Annie Lane / San Diego Free Press

Last week I came across a Steve Breen cartoon in the San Diego Union-Tribune entitled “Mapping Bob Filner’s Brain” (see left). I had quite the guffaw. I mean, if guffaws were redefined to be humorless, silent events that’s what it was.

I find it interesting that, given Breen’s skill and Pulitzer Prize history, the brain he chose to draw was so boorishly simple. Don’t worry, I get it — it’s intended to represent the supposedly simple mind of our union-sympathizing, anti-hotelier mayor.

But it really doesn’t matter what multi-syllabic, mildly offensive adjectives Breen used to describe Filner because, at the end of the day, he’s still the elected mayor of San Diego. You know, the guy who, like most Democrats in the 2012 election, fairly won against his Republican counterpart.

I honestly don’t get what it is about such a sweeping, nationwide loss that makes it so difficult for Republicans to understand. Given that the Republican National Committee just completed an “autopsy” of its recent election travesty, I can only hope the party will eventually choose to borrow some of that “change” Obama keeps trying to offer.

In the meantime, let me see if I can help.

Here we are in the year 2013, and we have come so far in so many different ways. We don’t use first generation cell phones or computers anymore. We don’t ride horse-drawn buggies to work. We don’t confine our wardrobe to ankle-length dresses, powdered wigs and waistcoats. We’ve given up the carrier pigeon — as handy as that was — for email. Women have joined the workforce, take birth control and vote (the latter applies to Blacks and Hispanics, too).

Why then would we root for a party that refuses to modernize in the same way everything around it has? I mean, for heaven’s sake, even McDonald’s has evolved to offer salads.

All that being said, Breen’s cartoon inspired me to design a brain drawing of my own. I couldn’t decide on one specific person — there are so many arrogant and disconnected white people to choose from: Mitt, Michelle, Sarah, Newt, Paul, John, Donald, Clint, Rush, Todd, Ted, Papa Doug, and list goes on and on.

So, here again is my response to the party in general:

Links worth checking out:

Denial: Meet The House GOP’s Anti-Science Committee addresses the Republican Party’s refusal of evolution, climate change and science all in one.

If you can’t find articles galore when you google “Obama birth certificate,” you should cancel your internet service.

Anger: Why Same-Sex Marriage is Bad for Children espouses the vital balance that comes with having a male and female role model – and speaks nothing of the growing rate of single parent households.

If you can make it to the end, you’ll find my favorite quote: “And although we empathize with those homosexuals who long to be married and parent children, we mustn’t allow our compassion for them to trump our compassion for children.” I’ve just guffawed again.

Bargaining: The GOP Has Tried (and Failed at) Minority Outreach Many Times Before details an interesting history of attempts Republicans have made to try and recruit minorities. Guess we should give them credit for faking it till they make it.

Depression: And then there are the “Truthers,” who believe that the Newtown massacre that left 20 elementary school children and six adults dead is a hoax – anything to avoid talking about gun safety.

Acceptance: