By Dr. Warren M. Patch
After spending seven straight days in deep, intensive study and daily meditation at the World-Wide, Self-Realization Fellowship Convocation in Los Angeles, I think I finally got it all figured out:
Your Spine is Your Chi Chiminea for Your Transistor Radio.
What? Yep, that’s right. It’s that simple. It’s all about your spine, the fire of life that burns within, and your on-board two-way radiophonic communicator system to the heavens. It’s cooler than Star Trek!
Apparently, each of our human nervous systems is like a simple transistor radio. The tuner comes factory-set to the AM frequency—the worldly sensory channels—which give us input through our five senses. There is a wrestling match for control of the dial by the factions of the world around us and we have to listen to what they transmit. So, our hearts and our minds become filled with the crackly static of noisy, negative and nonsensical broadcasts across the AM spectrum.
Should one voluntarily take hold of the dial and try to tune in something nicer, no matter which AM station we tune-in to, it’s all full of the same old disheartening, negative news: fear, dread, anger, hate, warfare, divorce, destruction, lies, lack of money, bombastic blame, and uncertainty of the future. (You’ve probably noticed.) And, moreover, the default setting stores all these podcasts in our hard drive so we can replay them over, and over, and over again…ugh.
Well, as it turns out, if you pry off the back of the radio and switch around the polarity of the transistors, there is a tiny micro switch within that brings in the FM frequency—the intuitive spiritual channels—which give us input of gratitude, peace, joy, enthusiasm, love, praise, beauty, wisdom, and universal harmony. There are some sweet stations there! But, since it’s never been used, it has to be powered-up, and you have to blow the gunk out of it, and you have to erase the old, stale AM podcasts in your hard drive.
Unlike the AM radio that operates on the battery power of plain white bread and baloney, the FM radio operates on chi energy—the Vital Force within us, or Life Energy, or Prana, (depending on what they call it in your neck of the woods.) The crazy thing is, your FM radio doubles as a broadcast station—it’s a two-way radio! You can be your own DJ!
It’s complicated, you see, but the spine is not just your radio antenna, it’s also the power plant. When you erect your spine, switch from AM to FM, put chi in your campfire and light it off, your spine becomes the chiminea that powers-up your personal two-way radio, and it simultaneously burns-out the gunk and erases stored AM podcasts.
The more chi fire that you burn in your upright spinal chiminea, the more powerful your transmission, and the clearer your reception becomes as you transmit—and receive—clear, sweet and positive communiqués between you, your neighbors, and the manufacturer who, after all, had purely good intent from the start when he designed and programmed the system. And, he prefers FM over AM.
Dr. Warren Patch is an Ocean Beach chiropractor.
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