The Republicans have taken the bull by the horns on the immigration issue, proving yet again that they know how to produce b.s. and lots of it.
Arizona was not about to wait for President Obama to address this federal issue. Arizona wants to be as bad-ass as secessionist threatening Texas, although the Zonies themselves are smart enough to not want to actually spend time in Texas, preferring to use their get out of hell card to hang out on a California beach during the summer. Arizona’s approach to comprehensive immigration reform in all of its reducto ad absurdum is a mere two words- racial profiling. Keep it classy, Arizona!
Racial profiling is as American as apple pie and throughout the history of this great country of ours, has encompassed Native Americans, African-Americans, the Irish, the Chinese, the Japanese or anybody who sorta looked Japanese- sorry Koreans!, the Italians, the Eastern Europeans, Jews, and of course African-Americans.
Since we are such a melting pot, it has expanded to include Muslims, and people who have beards and look like Muslims. And African-Americans. We even imagine racial profiling into the future- watch Blade Runner! Mexican-Americans and Mexicans who would like to be Americans- Welcome to the Land of Opportunity for racial profiling! But I bet you already knew that.
Racial profiling is old news, but our very own congressman Brian Bilbray presents Racial Profiling Made Easy. In his interview with Chris Matthews on Hardball, Bilbray was asked “to give a ‘non-ethnic’ example of how Arizona cops will be able to identify undocumented immigrants once the state’s controversial …Act is signed into law.”
Bilbray’s response?
“They will look at the kind of dress you wear, there’s different type of attire, there’s different type of…right down to the shoes, right down to the clothes.”
No kidding. Racial profiling will be based on our shoes. Our clothes. Quick- tell me what you wearing. Are you REALLY an American? Ok, I want to be “fair and balanced.” Bilbray also added that this sartorial assessment would be expanded to include “behaviors that professionals are trained in across the board.”
So it goes like this- in my imagination of course. I travel across town on a couple of buses until I arrive in Ocean Beach. I’m hungry and ask a couple of people if there is a Pho restaurant because I eat Pho. They just shrug.
I walk down to the seawall and sit in the sun and look at that big ocean that I don’t have where I live.… And the Police comes up to me and asks me for “my papers.”
“Hey,” I say. “I don’t roll my own,” and pull out a pack of Marlboro’s. Lights.
“Please show an ID that you are here legally.” I look up and down the sea wall. All those people sitting there. And then I realize that they are wearing flipflops. They are wearing tennis shoes. I look down at my black rubber boots with the big white stars on them. Shit. Even worse, I didn’t take off the Nordstrom Rack sticker that says $20.00 on the sole and which also has the big red dot that means half off. I am escorted back to a bus that takes me back to my inner city community, the epicenter of Pho eating behavior, where I sit down and write this.
And so the Republican Party, the Party of No goes bilingual. It is now the Party of Nada.
My fellow Americans, take a few moments and tell Congressman Bilbray what you are wearing.
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Australian sheepskin bedroom slippers, whoops my bad, quick call INS!
Anna, thanks. You gave me more than one good laugh with this piece. You didn’t say, “African-Americans,” did you?
ha. anna you are just awesome. isn’t it kind of ironic that many of the clothes and shoes that “legals” wear were made in sweatshops in countries where all the “illegals” come here from?
good god! did anybody count the number of fashion no-nos in billy-goat-brain’s photo? can we start with the hair cut? seriously! a comb-over?
This is why we Tucsonan’s love you OBecian’s.
Dear Anna. Lane Tobias is correct: “you are awesome” to use the vernacular. I tried to send an email to Congressman Bilbray, but his website told me:
“Regrettably, I am unable to reply to any email from constituents
outside of the 50th District of California.” Would not even let me submit it.
Dear Representative Bilbray:
…hmmm I guess undesirables don’t wear Argyll (Earra-Ghàidheal) plaid sweaters?
Is that it? The repubs can try to expand government again as they did under W and suggest a Department of Suitable Attire (remember when the airlines made you wear high heels?) I wear sandals with socks in the winter. Will that be okay?
A concerned Pennsylvania voter.
A Department of Suitable Attire could be a huge economic booster. Outsource it of course to a local business which employs people on the other side of the boarder to monitor shoes, cravats&skivvies via a series of cameras…. A real win-win.
anna ~ your take on this is simply wonderful, witty, and right on!
As for appripo shoes . . . toe socks and flip flops in winter and flip flops and sand in summer. is there anything more comfortable than sand between ones toes?
Sunshine – try walking in size 8 black rubber boots with sand inside up to your ankles…. But I get your drift… signed the People of the Pho
Geez, I’m with Doug… who dressed this guy? It reminds me of Long Duc Dong in “Sixteen Candles” – and no, that’s not a pho slam.
I would like to vouch for the awesomeness that IS Anna Daniels… that’s why I’m the president of her Normal Heights chapter of her fan club. Mwah!
I sent Rep Bil”bray” the following and posted it on FB:
“Hello Rep Bilbray,
I am sitting here barefoot, wearing brown cargo capri pants and a black shirt with a logo that says “Housing is a Human Right” and “Chicago Coalition for the Homeless.” I am wearing a silver cross on a silver chain around my neck and my tri-focal transition lens eyeglasses sport a lot of “Bling.”
Do I fit the profile of an illegal immigrant? “
Yeah Nancy! Yeah Chicago! Here’s to the Chicago Coalition for the Homeless!