Hey, Can I Call You Joe?

by on October 3, 2008 · 3 comments

in Election, Satire

So we sat down to watch the VP debate last night, in my case more for the anticipated entertainment more than anything. I’m no pundit so I’m not going to go into an analysis of it, but I have to say that I did chuckle at Palin’s slip up regarding John McCain and “recognizing he is the man that we need to leave — uh, lead,” her referring to Obama and  O’Biden and someone’s remark about a wolverine latched on to Joe Biden’s pant leg.

In case you missed it you can read the full transcript or watch the video.

I caught a bit about a text message poll and remembered the article here about how the public opinion polls have left out the cell phone users so I fired off a text message to the number they listed. Today I got a reply:

tks 4 ur vote & here are the results:

What candidate helped their ticket the most? 

77% Biden

23% Palin

There must be some kind of liberal bent to this poll. I’m an Independent, exactly one of those folks either side is trying sway. I’ve been watching Palin and her running mate and there are points to ponder, I just may vote Republican this year because…

  • If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.
  • Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
  • Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
  • Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.
  • A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but it’s OK when you’re an Arizona Senator or the Governor of Alaska; a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
  • A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
  • Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals, Jews, or anyone different from you.
  • I’m a multi-millionaire and the tax breaks are great. I pay people to put gas in the tanks of my yacht, fleet of cars and leer jet. I don’t know what you think is wrong with the economy. It works for me and my billionaire friends. Stop your whining and make more than 5 million a year and you can see the tax breaks, and get your own golden parachute.
  • Once you are a hero you have that title for life regardless of what a manipulative liar and desperate politician you become later in life.
  • The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.
  • Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican, or marry a divorced Arizona senator.
  • HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart, and if you can’t afford $12000/year in healthcare insurance you don’t deserve decent healthcare.
  • Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re an ultra conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
  • Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness. Who needs insurance when you can go to an Emergency Room? Just wait until you get the hospital bill and they put a lien on your house when you can’t pay it.
  • “Standing Tall for America” means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India, or countries that just hate Americans but love the almighty dollar.
  • Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution (unless that means giving the VP more power), which include banning gay marriages, not paying women equal pay for equal work, a minimum wage that believe $13000/year is enough for anyone to live on, and censoring the Internet.
  • The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s driving/military/police records, McCain’s houses, and Palin’s income tax history is none of your business.
  • What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the ’80s is irrelevant.
  • Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with Communist China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony. Don’t forget the Saudi’s too – they’re our best friends.
  • Being pro-life means you care about fetuses but when they turn 18 you send them off to die in senseless and avoidable wars.

YES… voting REPUBLICAN definitely seems the right choice for me!

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Dickie October 4, 2008 at 11:39 am

“I have to say that I did chuckle at Palin’s slip up regarding John McCain and “recognizing he is the man that we need to leave — uh, lead,” her referring to Obama and O’Biden . . .”

. . . considering “Palin’s slip up[s]”, did anyone else hear her say: “John McCain knows how to win a war . . .” Gee, I wonder what war was she referring to? The war in Vietnam? . . . whew . . .


Dickie October 4, 2008 at 11:39 am

oh and by the way, Welcome back obrag!!


Patty Jones October 4, 2008 at 12:39 pm

Hey Dickie, I can call you Dickie, right? Frank said the exact same thing about McCain knowing how to win a war.

And thanks for the welcome back! Honestly the editors didn’t tell me that we were suspending the blog, but then again, I’m a maverick! Or maybe just an uppity woman….


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