GOP Presidential Race: And They’re Off!

by on June 3, 2009 · 9 comments

in Election

It’s precisely one thousand days until the next Presidential election, and the GOP, sensing a great political opportunity, is fielding a virtual Kentucky Derby of candidates. CNN, which hasn’t had much on lately in the way of political coverage, has come forth with a new poll that measures the potential candidates’ popularity within the GOP. (There are also polls here, here, and here.)

It’s only a matter of days until CNN drags it’s big boards out of storage and plops various talking heads in front of them to offer us ignorant voters insights into this crucial race. Here, for those of you who are wondering, are the candidates, selected by an informal survey of unemployed conservative news analysts.

Fmr. Gov. Mike Huckabee (R-Rock)

Fmr. Gov. Mitt Romney (R-Paper)

Gov. Sarah Palin (R-Scissors)

Fmr. Rep. Newt Gingrich (R-Twitter)

RNC Chairman Michael Steele (R-Doghouse)

Soothsayer Alan Keyes (R-The Outer Limits)

Sen. Jim DeMint (R-15th Century)

Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-Evelations)

Gov. Tim Pawlenty (R-Nyquil)

Gov. Piyush “Bobby” Jindal (R-Ukidding)

Gov. Bob Riley (R-Up The River)

Fmr. Gov. John Ellis “Jeb” Bush (R-Legacy)

Fmr. Sen. George Allen (R-Acist)

Fmr. Sen. Fred Thompson (R-SVU)

Fmr. Sen. Larry Craig (R-Next Stall Over)

Fmr. Rep. Tom Tancredo (R-Estados Unidos)

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

avatar mr fresh June 3, 2009 at 7:31 pm

what? no ron paul?

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avatar Dave Gilbert June 3, 2009 at 9:34 pm

LOL Nice one Doug!!!

I’m going with the 10 or so % and say they’re gonna need “someone else”

Me thinks Ron’s probably broke Mr. Fresh…you know, the economy?
Either that or people liked kinda liked him. ;)

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avatar lane tobias June 3, 2009 at 10:35 pm

agree DG – I have a feeling Ron Paul will be back, but not as a Republican…

Funny stuff doug!

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avatar annagrace June 4, 2009 at 5:45 am

The operative term here is “off.” Definitely 180 degrees from plumb.

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avatar jon June 4, 2009 at 11:44 am

Doug! Cheers to you for making my day with this witty piece! Bobby Jindal R-Ukidding! classic.

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avatar jon June 4, 2009 at 12:02 pm

I just forwarded this to my extremely republican boss. Thanks again Doug!

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avatar Dave Sparling June 4, 2009 at 3:01 pm

As a stand up comic I have to go with Newt the wife dumper.

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avatar Dave Gilbert June 4, 2009 at 3:43 pm

Ok then Dave, that’s one Aye of Newt XD

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avatar Wireless Mike June 4, 2009 at 5:09 pm

Any one of them would provide Saturday Night Live with plenty of new material.

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