WASHINGTON (The Global Edition) — At a jointly held press conference today, Donald Trump and Rupert Murdoch announced that they would be organizing “The Million, Billionaires march on Washington.”
After selling their list of demands to the reporters present, Trump spoke up, “There is no ‘affirmative action’ for billionaires. I went to vote, I couldn’t even get a cocktail with it. Furthermore, they only let me vote once. I own over 200 corporations in the United States and those corporations are people too. Had we gotten to vote only once for every corporation that we own, the results of this election would be quite different.”
“I don’t see why poorer people should vote at all,” Murdoch interjected. “Eventually we’ll let the voting right trickle down to them.”
“This will be unlike your traditional march, because we won’t actually be marching. We will hire proxies to march for us and furthermore there aren’t a million billionaires, there are only about four hundred of us, and Gates, Buffett and Bloomberg have refused to join us. So far we expect to have the proxies for The Koch Brothers, Sheldon Adelson and Mitt Romney, of course,” stated Trump.
There is growing support in The House of Representatives for legislation that would give aid to billionaires. “This won’t cost us one cent,” stated Representative, Eric Cantor, “All that we have to do is extend the Bush-era tax cuts for the wealthiest one percent, reduce school lunch programs, and it will work. I don’t want to bore you with the math.”
It has been learned that “aid to billionaires” language has been earmarked onto a bill guaranteeing all injured veterans one meal per day, which had been stalled in committee for two years.
By TGE correspondent Jello Marx
Editor: This is satire.