Sanders Lands Auto Plant As Part of GM Breakup – “It takes a village to raise a Hummer.”

by on April 1, 2009 · 5 comments

in Economy, San Diego, Satire

The future of the Hummer brand has been in doubt. On June 3, 2008, one day prior to GM’s annual shareholder meeting, CEO Rick Wagoner said the brand is being reviewed, with the possibility of either being sold, having the production line completely redesigned, or being discontinued. On February 17, 2009, GM announced that it would decide by March 31, 2009, whether to sell off or eliminate the Hummer.

The OB Rag has learned through reliable sources that San Diego Mayor Jerry Sanders has negotiated a deal to re-locate manufacturing facilities for the Hummer all-terrain vehicles at the old Ryan Air plant. The facility was lured from its South Bend, Indiana location with a substantial incentive package that includes $63 million in cash and tax deferments and a pledge by Saunders that all City vehicles purchased over the next five years would be Hummers.

“It takes a village to raise a Hummer,” said Mayor Sanders, reached by phone, in praising quick action by cooperating groups for keeping the project confidential and for moving quickly to meet corporate location requirements. The deal comes on the heels of recently announced projects to build a super-sized Convention Center and a major overhaul of Lindbergh Field.

“This is the third ring in our circus”, mused Sanders, “and the deal proves just how forward thinking this administration is.”

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

avatar doug porter April 1, 2009 at 7:24 am

i forgot to mention that all transit buses will be replaced by hummers. And school busing for magnet schools will be done via hummers also.

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avatar Gary Gilmore April 1, 2009 at 9:25 am

Additional information on new Hummer assembly plant…. During an interview with Dr. Miguel Ramos Abril Primero, the director or the Tijuana waste processing plant, I learned that in an effort to increase bi national commerce and to improve the environment the New Hummer assembly plant (see above article) will be run entirely on methane gas produced from the Tijuana plant. The gas will be piped directly to the Hummer assembly plant via a dedicated pipeline. “This is a great leap forward for our two cities” declared Dr. Miguel Ramos Abril Primero”. Construction on the pipeline will begin sometime this summer with completion is expected in early 2010. When asked how such an ambitious undertaking could be completed in such a short time the Dr. explained that the engineers who plotted that path of the new pipeline will take advantage of the many drug tunnels in the area which will facilitate construction of the pipeline. “It’s like Swiss cheese under the boarder fence” said Mr. Broma the chief engineer of the pipeline project. “We will let the smugglers do our work for us!.” The Hummer plant is expected to begin producing the Hummer School Bus in early 2011.

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avatar OB Joe April 1, 2009 at 9:27 am

You had me goin’ dougie boy, till the ‘takes an entire village to raise a hummer” came along. damn! I was looking forward to getting a job there, a real job.

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avatar mr fresh April 1, 2009 at 12:11 pm

LMAO

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avatar Patty Jones April 2, 2009 at 7:33 pm

LMFAO

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