First Cuppa Coffee – April 12th, 2012 : Mental Health Edition

by on April 12, 2012 · 8 comments

in Civil Rights, Culture, Election, First Cuppa, Health

Tennessee senate warns hand-holding is a ‘gateway sexual activity’…

Tennessee senators approved an update to the state’s abstinence-based sex education law that includes warnings against “gateway sexual activity.”

In a new family life instructions bill, holding hands and kissing could be considered gateways to sex.

 Fox News plays whack-a-mole and Wins!… A few days ago the gossip mongers over at Gawker announced with much glee that they’d acquired a mole deep inside the Fox News operation who was gonna dish the real dirt about the fair and balanced folks. In the short space of a few days we learned about the restrooms at Fox, the Hip Hop BBQ story at Fox that pushed an earnest young journalist intro becoming The Mole and Sean Hannity’s love of teleprompters…and then…they caught him. The Mole was no more. He didn’t even have a chance to buy a snazzy costume!  It turns out he was Joe Muto, an associate producer for the O’Reilly Factor. He was busted for leaving a digital trail as he brazenly downloaded stuff via his Fox News Commodore 64 computer. Alas, we had so many questions that will never be answered.. I couldn’t believe that the FIRST commenter at Gawker beat me to the punch:  Hi Joe, can I be the first liberal to call you a douchebag?

 Klan robes on aisle three… A study, published in Social Science Quarterly, found that the number of Wal-Mart stores was a better predictor of hate group participation than the unemployment rate, high crime rates and low education. Can we get a copy of this sent to City Council President Tony Young, who actually thinks Wal Mart is gonna live up to the promises they made last year about building a bunch of stores here in San Diego?

Get out those tin foil hats, the House GOP has found another conspiracy…  Through the modern day miracle of misrepresentation and rumor mongering, they have learned that the Obama administration is “transferring” $500 million to the IRS to implement the dreaded ObamaCare.  Nevermind that what we’re really talking about are tax credits for small businesses that offer their employees insurance, it’s much more exciting to talk about seven-foot doctors who swear that they need IRS approval to see patients. Or the falsehood that the law will let loose 16,500 IRS agents to enforce the health care law.

The birth certificate conspiracy within the GOP…. Good old Maricopa County, Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio is saying that there must be a conspiracy of silence within the Republican slate of Presidential candidates about President Obama’s birth certificate.  He’s recycling that story, hoping to draw attention away from the fact that  he’s on the verge of losing his badge thanks to accusations from the Department of Justice that his department systemically profiles based on race and has mishandled hundreds of sex crimes cases.

Simplicity defined… This is the week that all those bellicose bureaucrats must comply with the Plain Writing Act.  The Washington Post says that federal officials have translated just 10 percent of their forms, letters, directives and other documents into “clear Government communication that the public can understand and use,” as the law requires. So language like the FAA directive that says:

“This subpart identifies those products in which the Administrator has found an unsafe condition as described in Sec. 39.1 and, as appropriate, prescribes inspections and the conditions and limitations, if any, under which those products may continue to be operated.”  need to translated into language like  “Airworthiness directives specify inspections you must carry out, conditions and limitations you must comply with, and any actions you must take to resolve an unsafe condition.”

 Finally, to wrap up…. A video mashup of Rick Santorum’s greatest slips: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=BRLtJ42ncek#!

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

avatar Goatskull April 12, 2012 at 9:30 am

“holding hands and kissing could be considered gateways to sex.”

Sounds good to me.

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avatar Andy Cohen April 12, 2012 at 9:43 am

But Republicans insist that they’re for small government? I just don’t understand how they don’t get called on their blatant hypocrisy more often. This sounds like REALLY BIG intrusive government policies to me. Talk about a Stepford government……

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avatar Anna Daniels April 12, 2012 at 9:44 am

What would a mental health edition be without Herman Cain’s latest “Government is an evil man- eating chicken” video? http://tinyurl.com/6u7o7rl

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avatar Anna Daniels April 12, 2012 at 10:05 am

And in the delusions of grandeur category, Glenn Beck delivers his first address from a specially constructed Oval Office.

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avatar Doug Porter April 12, 2012 at 10:32 am

Sometimes when I’m having a tough day writing with First Cuppa Coffee, I think for a moment that I’d like some of what Glen Beck is smoking. Then I think about it again and realize that you can’t smoke that kinda crazy. It’s a gift.

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avatar Andy Cohen April 12, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Can you smoke cocaine? Or has he made the leap to PCP laced joints? That dude is clearly on another planet.

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avatar Frank Gormlie April 12, 2012 at 10:32 am

Was this Cuppa funnier than usual – or is it just me. Thanks Doug for the laughs. That Klan story and Wal-mart is real, not memorex.

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avatar Doug Porter April 12, 2012 at 6:04 pm

the media moguls at Fox are planning to strike back against The Mole. Lawsuits, threatening letters and court dates are promised. Maybe he still has time to go get that snazzy superhero costume.

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