Internet Dating – the Research Is Over

by on March 13, 2012 · 23 comments

in Culture, Media, Popular, The Widder Curry

He’s sitting at the bar, nursing a drink when an attractive lady sits down next to him.
“Do you come here often?” she asks.
“No, this is my first time here.”
“Where have you been?”
“In prison.”
“Why? What did you do?”
“I killed my wife.”
“Oh! That means you’re single?”

After almost two months of on-line dating, my research is over.  Although it was an interesting experience, it bore little, if any fruit, and was an expensive project.  A little background:

I am a widow of almost three years. I am reasonably attractive – for an old broad -; have not yet begun to show that Alzheimer’s runs in my family; like to cook; like to read; like to write. Still physically active – walk my 11 year old Golden Retriever 1-2 miles a day;  like the human touch and miss the hugs and comfort that a man can give me. I am a retired educator – public as well as governmental; have 3 grown daughters and a passel of grandchildren.   With all that in mind, I signed up with 3 “on-line dating services” :  “Senior People Meet”;  “BB People Meet” – Big and Beautiful – and  I originally signed up for, but it was too costly and I did not complete the application.  My profile reads:

“A little about me…
I am an educator; a liberal; like to read; like to cook; have authored 2 cook books; am a staff writer for our local liberal newspaper. A non-smoker with no tolerance for smokers. A social drinker. Have grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Must like dogs – Have a large 11 year old Golden Retriever. Widow of 28 months. Not looking for a replacement – looking for a companion. Have students from foreign countries living with me to study English. Somewhat of a romantic – if the feelings are right.

About the one I’m looking for…
Honest; caring; enjoys humor; no children living at home; No financial worries but not a spendthrift or miser either. Liberal and/or Democrat. Enjoys a nice evening at home as well as going out. I am looking for someone between 60-70.

I’d just like to add…

The older I get, the less tolerance I have for stupid people and their ideas. I am ashamed of those running for President on the Republican ticket and will probably work for Obama’s reelection. Come to think of it – I am ashamed of those people that will vote a Republican ticket. Opinionated – you bet!”

The total of viewers of my profile for all 3 sites was over 150 people.  Of the profiles that I read, I responded to 40 men.  A dismal number responded back – 6 – and 21 men responded to my profile.  I met only one of the men responding, and that was a  failure. (See January 21st article “From Cougar to Cub to Boy Toy.”)

Of the 21 men that responded to me, almost without exception it sounded like they were writing/reading from the same script. I received such platitudes of “you are so beautiful”; “I’m interested in you”; I’ll tell you more when we meet”; etc.  Many of the men were listed on all of sites. Some used the same profiles while others listed different attributes on each profile. For example, one man listed that he was married, his wife was in a wheelchair, and he wanted a lover. (I reported him to the powers that be, and 3 weeks later I received the same profile from the same site.) On another site he said that he was divorced, and yet on the other site he said he was a widow.  Funny thing was that he used the same picture on all 3 sites!

The cost of joining these sites was not cheap: was the most expensive – $71.97 for 3 months; Seniors was $23.90 a month but you had to take a 3 month subscription, and then they had the nerve to charge an extra $3.70 to read any answers that you might have received back. BB charged $18.98, per month,  for the 3 month subscription and also charged to be able to read the responses.

I have now cancelled all of my subscriptions but I learned the hard way that even though I have cancelled, the subscription has no refunds.  I can elect to keep on receiving notifications, or I can elect to not have my profile active anymore and have my name removed from the roster when the subscription expires.  I found that most men in my age category wanted younger women and that was no surprise.  I want a younger man also. But I want a winner; and I found that those responding to me were not in the “winner” category.  I am not adverse to going to bed with a man if the chemistry is right,  but he sure better buy me a better glass of wine than the “house” variety.

If he thinks that he will woo me and get my money – what money? – he better think again. That money is already tied up in a trust account for my children. So I come back to my original quest – where do I meet a man for companionship, romance, and/or conversation. How do I keep my self-respect when attempting to meet someone from the opposite sex?  I’ll be glad to do more research – just give me some suggestions.

{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

avatar PDubs March 13, 2012 at 9:12 am

Have you tried ? Free and you meet people in a group setting that have similar interests that you do. No pressure of a date and you might find someone you like.


avatar Mary Lou March 13, 2012 at 9:32 am

I don’t know where you can find one today, but I met my husband through an online group for singles that got together for various activities as a group. Dating was not the focus, but rather getting together with people who are also single. That way we could observe and get acquainted with one another without the one-on-one pressure of a traditional “date”.


avatar judi Curry March 13, 2012 at 10:59 am

Thanks “P and Mary Lou. Two things I have not tried, but will do so shortly. My husband was an Irishman and loved St. Pat’s Day. It is days like the one coming up that makes me feel the loneliness of being by myself. Thanks for your suggestions.
Slainte, Judi


avatar ernie March 13, 2012 at 3:29 pm

pray for a good harvest, BUT, in the mean time, KEEP PLOWING! keep turning over those rocks!


avatar judi Curry March 13, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Some of them are so damn heavy!


avatar tennyson March 13, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Ah, Judi, too bad you didn’t talk to me first, we could have had a good bayside dinner with the money you spent. I did the on-line thing too before I retired, left LA. Done strictly for an articile I was writing but then one never knows, right ! I didn’t count the total checking out my profile but I did respond to three. The first gentleman selected a Pasadena Mexican restaurant for our “met” (not yet a “date”, not to me anyway). As soon as we sat down he mentioned he hated cilantro ! and wondered if “they” used it. He lived in West Hills, not exactly Peoria and the date went from there. He was married, would never divorcee his wife but needed an “emotional connection” his wife would never give him. Honest to the core that I am, I copped to my research and got more pages for my article than I cared to get, offered to pay for my own dinner for which he seemed grateful and very surprised, shook his hand and moved on to the next. Manhattan Beach attorney with a beach house, a dog, a Nikon…turned out the beach house had burned down, the dog had died and the bar association had put him on suspension for details I won’t bore you with….Still, I aver there are as many good men out there as there are good women but you meet them when you look your worst and are least expecting to at the carwash, the dog beach, on the trail as you wipe the sweat from your headband right before you back into the pile your own dog just deposited.


avatar judi Curry March 13, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Maybe next time we can collaborate!


avatar Anna Daniels March 13, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Loved the article, loved the responses. Sometimes humor isn’t everything-it’s the only thing.


avatar judi Curry March 13, 2012 at 4:33 pm

AMEN Sister!


avatar OB Mercy March 13, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Hey Judi. As I posted in the last article you wrote regarding the online dating….been doing it off and on for over 10 yrs on many different sites (trying several a few different times) and have never met anyone I cared to continue dating.

I don’t want to sound cliche and say all men are losers…but a good portion of them are. I also have a lot of the wonderful attributes you have plus a few that are unique to me, but it has never made a difference.

I too could write a book (or at least an article or two!) about my experiences, some of them funny. Like the last guy a few months ago, who met me for appetizers and some champagne at 3rd Corner. After drinking a glass of the bubbly, I did what anyone would do…a small burp. He got upset. Said I needed to keep my burping and any other gas related human functions to myself. I was like…..what?! I mean really?? NEXT!

I have also tried and even though I have not met anyone through there, I think that is still a great way to possibly meet someone. It can’t be any worse then the online dating sites, and depending on what group you join, it shouldn’t cost much. I was in the Sailing San Diego Group for awhile, and that was only $5 to join.

I was told a long time ago, to find something I like to do, and keep going back and doing it…that maybe I would meet someone. There is every group imaginable on Meetup. Find something you enjoy, join the group and go to their functions. Would love to hear how that turns out for you. I’m pulling for you Judi!


avatar judi Curry March 13, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Well, I took your recommendation, Mercy, and have now signed up for Meet-up. After all, it can’t be much worse – any worse – then the on-line dating. And…a funny thing happened as I posted my article today – the very first “boy toy” contacted me and said, “Can I have a hug?” I told him I was sure that somewhere, somehow, some one would be glad to give him one, but it wouldn’t be me!!!

The scary thing about this entire experience is that I may not have 10 years left to keep looking. Time is of the essence – and I sure hope something – someone – crops up!


avatar OB Mercy March 13, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Judi, I’m in my late 50’s, so I feel time slipping away too!


avatar Zach on the side March 13, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Wish I could give you some encouragement, Mercy. I have to admit most men are losers. But then a great number of women aren’t worth much attention either. It’s the game of life, and the game board’s just a little frayed!

Anyway, apparently the answer to it all is to be content with oneself, and if we find another to be part of our lives, we can be thankful and all the more content. Please don’t think “time is slipping away.” Today is all you’ll ever have, and as long as you have that, the sky’s the limit!


avatar OB Mercy March 13, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Well said sir!!


avatar Zach on the side March 13, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Hey, Judi. Another free one is craigslist. It’s gotten a bad rap lately, but when you have millions of people using it daily – worldwide, I might add – one can expect a few bad apples. It’s just like the street, but people are stopping and saying hello. Nothing to worry about with your anonymity. You can keep feelers out casually, and maybe one day a ray of sunshine will fall upon your screen. Meanwhile, it’s interesting at the price.

The “meet up” group sounds good. I’d go. Have done it here a bit. Lv


avatar judi Curry March 13, 2012 at 8:43 pm

It must be the mood I am in today because I find seeking a mate on Craig’s List a real hoot! So…before I started to answer you I checked it out. And I am still chuckling:
“Divorced – not dead”; “where are the good ones at”?; “Anyone normal out there?”.

Thanks for the suggestion. If nothing else I’ll fall asleep with a smile tonight.


avatar judi Curry March 16, 2012 at 1:33 pm

This is an addition to the above article that I wrote two days ago. Somehow I was touted onto a dating service – “The Ideal Match” – that provides screened male/female “dates” for those that belong to their service. The Sales Representative that I spoke to was very helpful; had me take several “tests” to determine my likes and dislikes; and thoroughly explained their program. They have three types of memberships available – with different perks for each one. The most expensive one includes unlimited “matches”; makeovers; VIP parties; etc., The second one does not include the makeovers but the introduction is to 15 members. The third, and less costly one includes 10 matches. I was told that all of the participants go through a security screening; a background check; etc. Then they are matched with members of like interests. I was intrigued by the program, but there is no way on my limited income that I could afford the program. I hesitate to mention the cost here, but suffice-it-to-say that the most expensive program is almost the same amount as my yearly social security check. So….this is one more “research project” that I have investigated, only to find that it is not something that I can afford. Give me a Yenta that doesn’t charge and there might be something there for me.


avatar OB Mercy March 17, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Matchmaker, matchmaker make me a match. Matchmakers are SO damn expensive nowadays. $5-10k!! They are now only for the lonely and rich! Hey Judi, I think you and I could start a senior online dating service….we’ll screen ’em real good!


avatar judi Curry March 17, 2012 at 12:22 pm

I’m ready. How soon do you think we can get started? We would check them all out personally, right?


avatar OB Mercy March 17, 2012 at 12:25 pm

You know it girl!


avatar tennyson March 17, 2012 at 12:59 pm

man with two beautiful labs, small Pt Loma park –large, golden male? got him from craigslist, free to good home….just be sure to add in your ad “must be able to see his shoes when he stands up”…..


avatar Joe Hartley April 16, 2012 at 8:52 am

You know I feel exactly the same way. It is very frustrating, but it is one of the only games in town. The meet-ups don’t work if you’re looking for a relationship.



avatar judi Curry April 16, 2012 at 9:17 am

Thanks, Joe. Thursday’s “Sex in San Diego” column is a man’s perspective of on-line dating. It is a twist of sorts on the articles written by women. You might enjoy reading it. Judi


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