The Right Wing Sex Orgy: Aspirin, the Holy Inquisition, Blunt Force, Zygote People and of course the Vaginal Probe!

by on February 20, 2012 · 4 comments

in Civil Rights, Health, Politics, Women's Rights

Over the past few weeks a seemingly endless parade of dour old pontificating shriveled up white guys have set us straight on contraception, abortion, sex and even the definition of life itself. They have done it at all levels of government, from the pulpits and on the airwaves.

Now that they have fixed the economy, brought back jobs and lowered the deficits, those who have been aptly described as “the best minds of the thirteenth century” can now turn their attention to what they really seem to enjoy—sex talk and lots of it!

Not tonight, Dear. I have a headache…

Rick Santorum’s sugar daddy, Foster Friess appeared on the Andrea Mitchell show where he dismissed the contraception brouhaha.

This contraceptive thing, my gosh, it’s so inexpensive. Back in my days, they used Bayer aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees and it wasn’t that costly.

Yuk. Yuk. Yuk. “Gal” Andrea Mitchell tried to wipe the WTF look off of her face. I’m with Juanita Jean—“Where should men keep their Viagra?”

Update: Friess appeared on the Lawrence O’Donnell show and was asked about this issue. Friess maintains that Santorum is pro-contraception. Actually, Santorum is not. Friess may have a ton of money, but he is clueless.

“Issa” deserves a special place on the Google, like Santorum!

Our very own Congressman Darrell Issa convened a Very Serious, Very Important Hearing: “Lines Crossed: Separation of Church and State. Has the Obama Administration Trampled on Freedom of Religion and Freedom of Conscience?”

No girls allowed to weigh in on this very serious very important discussion that required a penis and that had absolutely nothing, NOTHING, to do with contraception, so help me God. The hearing was clearly about how many angels can dance on a conservative pinhead.

Democratic women boycotted the hearing. Minority House Leader Nancy Pelosi said “Imagine having a panel on women’s health and they don’t have any women on the panel. Duh.” “Duh” indeed, because nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

Blunt force: My uterus appended to your bus

Conservatives were outraged by the president’s full frontal assault on religious freedom and Sen Roy Blunt (R-MO) devised a way to dial the outrage volume all the way up to roar. He crafted an amendment that would permit any employer or insurance plan to exclude any health service, no matter how essential, from coverage if they morally object to it. This not so subtle whack at “Obamacare” exists as an amendment on the Transportation Bill. Seriously.

The issue of not only contraception, but health care coverage in general, is now inextricably entwined with mass transit and “Drill, Baby, Drill!

When will every sperm be sacred?

A “personhood amendment” recently passed in the Oklahoma senate. The obvious intent is to ban abortion, despite the fact Roe v Wade is still the law of the land. But because the language defines a fertilized egg as a human life there are other broader, intended consequences. Making most forms of birth control illegal is one of those consequences. A similar amendment failed in Mississippi this past summer. Citizens there were able to figure out that eggs are not people.

If you think that a personhood amendment won’t fly in godless, liberal, socialist California, think again.

State sponsored rape

A bill has passed the Virginia senate that would require a woman to undergo a transvaginal ultrasound before receiving an abortion. As an unnamed lawmaker told a fellow Virginia delegate, a woman already consented to being “vaginally penetrated when they got pregnant.” Thank you gentlemen for such strict adherence to your small government principles.

This isn’t the end of the sex orgy, which had willing participants on the Democrat side too. But here’s the thing—98% of American women will use contraception at some point in their life. Men clearly support the use of contraception too. One in three women have had an abortion.

This is a ginned up breathtakingly anti-woman culture war that cannot mask the impotence of our elected representatives, who would like us to believe their mission is to create jobs, jobs, jobs.

Perhaps this will turn out to be the Year of the Women. And yes, we vote.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

avatar Andy Cohen February 20, 2012 at 1:47 pm

This whole “personhood amendment” thing is so stupid and a not even veiled attempt at pushing a particular set of religious beliefs on the rest of us–which, correct me if I’m wrong on this, is completely against the very Constitution that these Republicans claim to love so well. They love it so much they want to completely ignore it. It’s a not subtle attempt to create a Christian theocracy out of the United States government. Which is strange, because that’s exactly what they claim to hate so much about Islamic nation states such as Iran and Saudi Arabia. And it’s what they were so afraid of happening in Egypt. But I digress….

Anyway, this “personhood” thing is doomed to fail. It’s not even DOA here in California, as the egg never got fertilized in the first place (so to speak). If it failed so miserably in places like Mississippi, and TWICE by a more than 70/30 margin in Colorado, what do you think the chances of it ending up on the ballot here in California are?

Personally I really hope the good ‘ol GOP keeps it up, because it does nothing but demonstrate how completely out of touch with reality they are and how utterly and completely devoid they are of any ideas of how to move us forward in the 21st century. They only further marginalize themselves and strengthen the Democratic brand in the process.

We Dems may be far from perfect, but at least we’re not desperately trying to revive the 1950’s. ‘Cause you know, those wimmin folk need to just confine themselves to the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant at all times. I wonder how Meg and Carly feel about their party right about now?


avatar Anna Daniels February 20, 2012 at 2:08 pm

The take-away from the “pro-life personhood amendment” is clear:
1. Women do not qualify as a life. They are merely incubators of the sacred fetus.
2. Life begins at conception and ends at birth. The right has shown again and again that they don’t care all that much about children once they are born.


avatar Gobnait February 20, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Oh, and the pro-life bit doesn’t apply to capital punishment for sometimes-innocent folks. Love your graphics, AG, and (of course) your ideas.


avatar Marilyn Steber February 21, 2012 at 9:32 am

What is it with Republicans who are so obsessed with sexual parts. I was so embarrassed when Bob Dole did that ad for Viagra! They can’t say Democratic (emphasis on the IC sound) but they can say Erectile Dysfunction.
Back in Foster Friess’s day, the conversation in the back seat was sterilization of idiots, not putting an aspirin between your knees. If his State only recognized the missionary position, then I see why an aspirin would work.


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