In my last article, I discussed my experience of getting back into the dating world. I ended by saying that I would do some more research, purely in the interest of helping other widows find lasting happiness in an otherwise lonely situation.
I only signed up with one dating service, initially. If you remember it was a site for seniors, yet my first date with my “boy toy” was with a man younger than my youngest daughter – 27 years younger than me. He was sexy, well toned, and either after my money (sic) or my bed. Maybe both. That relationship ended with him hanging up on me.
As a good researcher, I decided that I really needed to be signed up with more than one dating site, so I signed up with three more. I used the same profile; the same pictures, and the same physical description. I thought about reducing my age – but wanted to be honest. Why? Who knows?
Apparently because the services figured that I could not find suitable men for myself, all of them give me different “offerings” daily. Two send me three pics; one sends me 9. Sounds great, except they do not do any screening of what I want; where I live; my interests, etc. That’s not exactly true – there is a slight effort made to have our interest similar – “he likes the arts”; so do you. “He likes to cook”; so do you. “He likes to hike;” so do you. There is nothing there that says that I get horribly seasick on the “STAR OF INDIA” and do not like boating, cruising, sailing, etc.
There is a very sad trend that I am finding by those that are “flirting” (or “winking”) with me. The older man wants a younger woman – why should this bother me? I’m an “older woman” looking for a younger man? Because the 80 year old is looking for a 50 year old; the 70 year old is looking for a 50 year old; and the 50 year old is looking for a 35 year old. Some of the men responding to me are so very needy.
Let me quote from one of my “winks”:
“Hello. How are you doing? I hope you are doing good. I went through your profile and I really like it. You’re so beautiful that every man would want to hold hands with you. Distance is not a problem for me. I can relocate to anywhere my date is.”
He lives in Florida!
Here is another one:
“Hope your night was good. You shouldn’t worry about the distance, we can definitely overcome it. It’s not how far, it’s how well. Love and friendship is what I want with you. The greatest of lovers makes the best of friends so that you feel that things can’t get any worse think of me, for I can try my best to bring you all the happiness in the world. I want to grow to care for your love and trust you. I believe our path is meant to cross and don’t want to wake up because I don’t want to lose that us. I will be by your side whenever you need me and I hope I am and always will be in your heart and in your dreams forever.”
He lives in Michigan.
And one final one:
“ … I want you to know that I am a one woman man and it’s only you I am talking to. In this short while that we have been writing, I’ve keep thinking about you. I no longer need to hope for love by going to clubs. I don’t like the bar scene, supermarkets, church socials. I am really happy for your presence in my life now and you are on my mind every minute and you have already occupied my thoughts. I believe it’s a good reason for us coming together. If not, we won’t have crossed each others’ path. Day by day my feelings for you increases and it is good feelings which I like. Thinking of you gives me butterflies in my stomach. I appreciate you and I cherish you. Thanks for coming into my life.”
I wrote him once.
Please don’t think that I am making fun of any of these correspondents. That is not the case. I am terribly lonely since my husband died, almost 3 years ago. I have heard that there are some matches that take place on these sites that are very special, and some end in happiness beyond belief. I genuinely signed up because I wanted companionship in my waning years. I don’t think of myself as 72; rather I think of myself as in my forties. But I could no more select one of these men to even meet at the coffee shop than continue to correspond with them. And the men nearer my age are not interested in an “old” lady.
Why are they so needy? The pictures they posted were those of fairly good looking men. (Maybe the pictures are not of them?) Their worldly experiences sound satisfying and interesting. Their plans for the future are defined in glowing terms. (Dreams?) Most of them talk about their children or grandchildren; the widowers talk about the void now that their spouse is gone. And yet, once they get the female into a 1:1 situation, the smothering begins.
I have not had great success with these dating sites. I am contemplating dropping all three sites. But the next question arises: Where do I go to meet a stable, interesting male that is looking for companionship first and other things later? I think I will devote one more month to “research.” Maybe then I will have an answer.