Now, as a 72 year old widow that was married for 45 years, loneliness has driven me to the point that I am finding myself as a candidate for dating services to aid in the relief of depression and boredom.
I decided at the onset that I did not want to become involved with an “older” man. I was a care-giver for my husband and watched him die a little bit each day. I do not want to put myself in that position again. Therefore, when I signed up for the dating service, I said I was interested in men between the ages of 60 and 70 and to enforce my new “Cougar” status, I signed up on a service that specified it was for “Seniors.”
I filled out the required questionnaire – took me almost one hour to complete it – downloaded a few pictures – even one of Buddy so that the respondents know I have a BIG dog. (Of course, I didn’t say that he really was a “pussy cat” and that he really likes men over women!) And then I sat back for “flirts”. Within 24 hours I received an answer to my quest.
A young man – sexy and handsome according to his picture – told me that he really likes “mature women.” (I wrote him back and told him that he wasn’t looking at a “mature” woman – he was looking at an “OLD WOMAN”.) He answered by saying he liked my “sense of humor.” His profile said he was divorced with one child.
Well….I knew he was young – 45 – but I figured “what the heck?” I agreed to meet him at Shades for a glass of wine. (My daughter has since informed me that the rule of thumb is that you NEVER date a person younger than your youngest child. Now she tells me!)
We each ordered a glass of wine and chatted for an hour or so. Then we decided to take a walk on the pier. I have to admit that I was glad he had a bum knee from an old football injury, just in case he became overly aggressive, because I could always kick the knee before I attempted to kick him somewhere else! He asked me if it was ok to give me a hug and I said it was fine. I can’t tell you how good that hug felt. Human contact is what I have been missing so much. The hug that he gave me was so unlike the hug from friends that want to show me support; it was all-encompassing; full of meaning and promise. Yeah!
Except I wasn’t about to make any promises. And I read his “meaning” very well. I asked him about the divorce he wrote about on his profile: he said he had never been married. I asked him about the one child he said he had. He answered that he doesn’t have a child. Hmmmm. I asked about the discrepancies on his profile and what he was telling me and he said, “ . . but I am telling you the truth now.” Yeah! Right! He walked me to my car and asked if he could see me again. I said he should call me.
Well…he did. At 7:30 the following morning. He asked when he could see me again and I suggested Saturday, the day after tomorrow. I told him I would be busy in the early hours, and he said he would call me when he woke up. He called about 9:15 that day and asked when he could come over. COME OVER! He had to be kidding. I asked him why he wanted to come over and his answer was that he wanted to “ . . . hug me and cuddle with me.” I told him we had only spent 1 ½ hours together and he would have to “wine me and dine me” before he could come over.
(As it turned out, the water pipes backed up and I was waiting for a plumber to come unclog the drains. I told him I couldn’t go anywhere, and he could not come over.)
He called several times during the day to see how things were going, and when the plumber finally arrived at 3:30pm, he could not fix the problem and I would have to wait for the next plumber to arrive. (He didn’t – until Monday!) My “boy toy” asked if he could come over after my students went to sleep. I informed him that my students were 29, 28, and 30, and I went to bed way before they did!
He did not call me back until Sunday night and I told him that since Monday was a holiday, I would be taking my students on a tour of San Diego. He called me on Monday, when I was home, but using caller I.D. I did not answer the phone. Several minutes later my cell phone rang and it was him. He demanded to know where I was; why hadn’t I called him back; when could he come over. Rather than bore you with more details, just before he hung up on me he said that he could tell that I was no longer interested in him. Duh!
Is this what the dating scene is like now? I don’t see much change between then – the 50’s – and now -. Is the prime purpose of dating to jump in the sack? Do men still keep notches on their belts? Is “wining and dining” passé? How does a “mature” individual meet people of like minds? Does the “boy toy” of today REALLY want someone to sleep with – “sleep” being the wrong descriptive – in payment for helping someone feel grateful for his services? Sixty years have passed since my first date! (My God I’m old!!!); What it was all about then seems to be the same thing it is all about now. But, as an educator all of my life, I am willing to do more research on this subject – in the interest of all widows, everywhere.