Top Secret: Herman Cain’s “Plan of Action and Talking Points”

by on November 9, 2011 · 3 comments

in Election, Satire

GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain in more doughy days.

By Mike James / Special to the OB Rag

Last night I ordered a Godfather Pizza for dinner. Lo and behold stuck to the bottom of the box was the following memo.

 Top Secret

Operation He Said She Said.

 From the offices of Herman Cain for President:

 Plan of Action and Talking Points.

 1.   Deny, Deny, Deny.

 2.   Blame Rick Perry’s campaign.

 3.   Blame Democratic liberals for this attack (use the word Socialist if you get the chance). Blame liberal media and the Obama White House (call him Barry, ha, ha, ha), remember to state that this “smear campaign” is probably being funded by George Soros.

4.   Use the race card. (Talk about how liberals hate Conservative Blacks, mention Clarence Thomas).

 5.   Have Rush Limbaugh make jokes about Sharon Bialek’s last name (Buy a Lick, ha, ha, ha). Can’t believe how lucky we are she is using Gloria AllRED as her lawyer, that alone should bump our numbers up.

 6.   We have Hannity on board as well as our other media friends (we got Roger Hedgecock in San Diego). (Fox News has promised “Fair and Balanced” reports, Ha, Ha, Ha).

 7.   Instead of saying accuser Karen Kraushaar works for the Treasury Department, state that she works for the Obama Administration.

 8.   Use terms like, “I do not recall”, “it was so long ago”, “my memory is a little hazy”, “absolutely never happened” (Stand in front of as many American Flags as possible during press conferences) .

 9.   If we play our cards right we can increase our donations among our Tea Party faithful (can you say Baaaaaa).

 10.  If anything this has taken the spotlight away from those OWS hippies for a few weeks, after that the American public will forget about this whole thing.

Editor: In case you don’t believe this memo, here is the original:

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

avatar doug porter November 9, 2011 at 10:26 am

then there’s the “just make something up” option. like when his campaign manager told the media that the adult son of one of the accusers was currently employed by Politico, the online news organization that broke the sexual harassment story in the first place. Of course, there were two problems with the story: the man in question didn’t work for politico (he left two years ago) and he wasn’t related to the woman in any way.

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avatar Mike James November 9, 2011 at 12:43 pm

The following must have received the memo:
Lloyd Marcus

Americans for Herman Cain.

Rush Limbaugh

Hannity and Ann Coulter

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avatar doug porter November 9, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Herman Cain’s PAC calls accuser a “bitch” http://goo.gl/JER5Y

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