Over the past several weeks I watched the squabble between the Republicans, and the Republicans, and some Democrats over the debt ceiling. It seemed like a no-brainer to resolve, and so the Republicans, and the Republicans and some Democrats seemed to be the perfect folk to figure it all out.
After it all played out, the resolution would turn out the same way whenever the Republicans and the Republicans, and some Democrats try to resolve an issue; they generally end up blaming us because we think we are so entitled, and take another animal off the endangered species list so it can be slaughtered and a power plant can be built…or something like that. But this time there was something sinister in the background which seemed to be disturbing to everyone. This time our credit rating was being threatened.
I know how important credit ratings are. I am told so whenever I watch television or listen to the radio. God rates you at the end of your life, but the credit bureaus do so while you are living. And if you do not have a good credit rating, apparently you are better off dead and hope God likes you. Just ask the folks at Freecreditreport.com (which by the way doesn’t have any free credit reports at all).
Well after all the shouting and hand wringing and finger pointing and teeth gnashing and chest beating and garment rending, the Republicans, and the Republicans, and some Democrats came to an agreement in the nick of time and the U.S. was once again saved from the brink of disaster and so too was our credit rating. Or at least we thought it was.
The following Friday, some people over at a place called Standards & Poor, downgraded the U.S. credit rating for the first time in U.S. history. We went from a Triple A rating to something other than a Triple A rating, which as I understand it, is bad. Not only is it bad, but it was downright mean. It was so mean, President Obama took an entire weekend to cool off before he had a news conference to tell the American people how mean it was. And he is not the only one, the Republicans and the Republicans, and some of the Democrats told us it was mean, before they blamed each other. Even MSNBC and Fox News agreed it was mean, before MSNBC blamed the conservatives and Fox News blamed the liberals.
So what are we to do about this meanness? Isn’t there something we can do?
Well I have given this some thought, and maybe it is time for our military to defend us from this meanness by Standards & Poor, and here is my reasoning.
Back in the 50’s and 60’s, China and Russia was being mean to us, so we attacked Korea and Viet Nam to show them we would not tolerate their meanness. Cuba even tried to be mean to us and we have kept a military base on an end of their island for sixty years, give or take, helped (unsuccessfully) to invade them, and tried on more than one occasion to kill Fidel Castro, a truly mean Cuban. In the 80’s, some Lebanese terrorists were mean to our Marines in Beirut, so we invaded Grenada…that showed ‘em. Later in the 90’s, Bill Clinton was mean to George Bush I by beating him in an election, so Bush I attacked Somalia. Saddam Hussein was mean to us, so we attacked him, not once, but twice, and eventually dug him out of hole and hung him and then leveled Iraq just so they knew we were serious. A group of Saudi Arabians and Kuwaitis lead by a Saudi Arabian, hijacked some planes and flew them into some buildings and killed thousands of Americans so we attacked Afghanistan…too bad that mean Saudi Arabian was in Pakistan the whole time. So we have a history of sending in the military to places that are mean to us and pretty much destroying everything and everyone…although sometimes the logic and directional focus is a bit blurry.
So back to these Standard & Poor’s folk. Turns out they are not half as hard to find as some of the other people who have been mean to us in the past. They even have a website… I Googled it. I even found out who Head Meanie is, a guy named John Chambers; there is a picture and everything of the guy. And get this, so we don’t send the military to the wrong place, the website has all of its office locations under “office locations” all over the world. If you use Google earth, you can find all of the offices real easy, with directions and everything. In fact with my new smart phone, I plugged in one of the addresses and the GPS started telling me how to get there (turn east at Ocean Beach and start driving for a long time until you reach New York).
Well clearly, I have given this a lot of thought. Standards and Poor’s has been mean to us, and our direction is clear. Send in the military and teach ‘em a lesson. Then they won’t be mean to us anymore.
Or…we could stop sending the military to every place which is mean to us, and just use the military for defense. Then we could very reasonably cut military spending in half, balance our budget, start paying down our national debt…and get our ever so valuable Triple A rating back, because, after all, it is what is truly important.
So it seems someone there in Washington, D.C., was having similar thought process. This morning I read an Associated Press article which indicates the Justice Department began, “[an] investigation… before Standard & Poor’s cut the United States’ AAA credit rating this month, but it’s likely to add to the political firestorm created by the downgrade… Some government officials have since questioned the agency’s secretive process, its credibility and the competence of its analysts, claiming to have found an error in its debt calculations.” And now the Nation Magazine reports the Senate Banking Committee and the Security Exchange Commission is looking into S&P’s practices.
But that’s a lot of talk and paperwork and when all is said and done, the Justice Department will claim to have found no wrong doing, but somehow misplaced its files. The Security Exchange Commission will hire Mr. Chambers as a consultant, because he is pretty smart (or he just plain outsmarted them). And the Senate Banking Committee will make speeches about Obama’s vacation, suggest some more deregulation, and then pat each other on the back for a bi-partisan job well done before cocktails with their favorite lobbyist, the Podesta Group, which lobbies on behalf of S&P, and which according to one report, has spent $600,000 lobbying, so far this year for S&P.
So, still seems to me, the military intervention would be a better bet. Besides, how else is Halliburton going to get a piece of this pie?
But those are my thoughts. Yours?