Top Ten New Locations for Walmart in San Diego

by on January 29, 2011 · 5 comments

in Culture, Economy, San Diego, Satire

For those of you who haven’t been following the news, the mighty Wal-Mart Corporation has bought themselves some City Council members and a Mayor with promises of a dozen new locations throughout San Diego in the next five years. Now this is the same company that a decade ago promised a bunch of new Supercenters in Southern California and only ended up building one, so you know the chances of all twelve getting built are slim and none.

Regardless, there’s something in the water downtown that makes our local politicians roll over and beg when shiny new buildings are in the offing, so what started out as a clever ploy by local unions to require an economic impact study in advance of the construction of any Supercenter-type stores, has ended up with Kevin Faulconer and Mayor Sanders having bragging rights for bringing home the bacon for San Diego. Who needs a New City Hall when we can a have a gaggle of WallyWorlds?

So, in the spirit of public unity brought on by the rush of anticipation that Wal-Mart will actually build some of these locations, we humbly offer up our top ten sites:

1. Robb Field (OB/Point Loma) in a three way swap, City Councilman Kevin Faulconer has agree to lease Robb Field to Wal-Mart, in return for the company acquiring City pensioners and offering them dibs on Associates positions.

2. San Diego Unified School District Administration Center (Hillcrest/University Heights). Why appoint a new school board when you can just evict the current bunch from their offices? Cash flow from sale of property to cover new pro-Bersin consultants for District Schools. Wal-Mart has agreed to a “don’t ask don’t tell” policy for its greeters at this location only.

3. La Jolla– Although La Jolla is served by at least a dozen grocery stores; it certainly makes sense that they could use a little competition. Although the site will require some work, we suggest the area near the foot of Mt. Soledad. They can help protect the Cross from the liburals.

4. The Schoolbrary (Downtown). Since it’s generally known that they haven’t been able to raise the cash to build the new central library/charter school that nobody needs, perhaps they should just take a few books out and put a few grocery aisles in.

5. Coronado Municipal Golf Course (Coronado Island). With its convenient location next to the Bridge, the cash strapped City government can save millions on its water bills. Wal-Mart is asking for permission to bring in off-island workers, and this may be a deal breaker, because Coronadians feel that they have more than enough retirees to staff the store.

6. Del Mar Racetrack (Del Mar/Solana Beach). This will be a lot more use to the community than a Racetrack that can’t even open up six days a week in season. Plus Wal-Mart has reportedly agreed to the County Fair continue to exist in their far North Parking Lot at this location.

7. Qualcomm Stadium. (Mission Valley). Let’s face it. The Chargers are moving to LA. With Gov. Brownbeam takin’ all the redevelopment money back for schools and libraries, this is a great solution. And Wal-Mart isn’t too picky about its sites, (They built over a Civil War battlefield in Virginia, large parts of which still think the war between the States is still being fought.) so don’t you worry your little heads about all the oil and gas that’s seeped into the soils around the area.

8. Ranch Bernardo (Actually, anywhere in Carl DeMaio’s District). We want to make extra sure that his constituents KNOW that nobody’s dictating where they should shop. Maybe they can put in an extra large guns and ammo shop there.

9. Julian. This is how they’ll pay to get the roads widened. And Wal-Mart has promised to sell the apple pies in its San Diego locations.

10. Anywhere but Tony Young’s City Council district. He’s been begging Walmart to build anywhere, anywhere! In his district for years. Getting his vote bought on the City Council was the easiest thing Wal-Mart ever had to do, and, given their history of broken promises, his district is the last place they’ll ever build.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

avatar OB DUDE January 29, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Give one to Rancho Santa Fe …. they have plenty of land up that way.

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avatar dontevenworryaboutit January 29, 2011 at 7:26 pm

Coronado is its own city you idiot.

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avatar DebBee January 29, 2011 at 10:07 pm

Where was Kevin Falcouner last week when they were going to vote on raising water rates. Here in OB , on Voltaire especially, the water has been SPEWING at times out of the valves on the temporary water lines–yet we are told the reason for the rate increase is because of the higher prices the city has to pay for our supply.BS!!!!! He is completely worthless. And furthermore, we DO NOT need any more greedy, parasitic Wal-Marts with all of their employees on food stamps and Medi-Cal earning $8.50 an hour for the rest of their lives.

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avatar Danny Morales February 2, 2011 at 8:26 am

Re: WALMART – In light of the news I think we should be realistically concerned about the area around Sports Arena Blvd.

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