‘I had a dream … between heaven and hell. Now, I want some answers.’

by on January 21, 2011 · 15 comments

in Culture, Health, The Widder Curry

I had a dream last night. Not an “MLK” dream, but a boring, philosophical dream. Let me tell you about it.

I am a widow of 16 months and belong to two support groups for grieving widows, relatives and/or friends. For the longest time I have been told that some day Bob and I will be together again. I have wanted to believe that, but the concept of he and I meeting again in heaven is just difficult for me to conceptualize. So, in my dream I asked myself some of the following questions:

Do you go either or hell or to heaven? Is there no place in-between?

Do you get “points” if you do good things?

Walk the little old lady (why always a lady?) across the street?

Clean up your bedroom without being told to do so?

Get your homework in on time?

Pick up the dog poop without being asked?

Take care of your brother or sister so Mom can relax?

Do you get “demerits” if you do bad things?

Step on a crack and break your Mother’s back

Pinch your sibling when no one is looking

“Borrow” money from your Mother’s purse

Sneak into the theater

“Borrow” some of the beer in the refrigerator

So…if there are a certain number of “points” one needs to get and that number is not achieved, does everyone go to hell?

As a kid I was almost incorrigible.

I cut classes; I took money from the petty cash drawer on my first job; I “fooled around”; I experimented with alcohol – never drugs, but it’s not too late to start – I gossiped about some of the girls and, in turn, was gossiped about. I was not always truthful; I shop-lifted a pair of fuzzy green socks, etc.

As an adult, however, I have mended a lot of the breaks from my youth.

I was not always the “thoughtful” person I am today. Nowadays I would never purposely hurt another; I would try to help others out when they needed it. (Today, while getting some tea at Jack in the Box, a drunken man asked me if I please could give him some money because he was starving. I told him I would not give him any money, but I would buy him something to eat. He wanted a Jumbo Jack, which I got for him. I hope that he was not too drunk to eat it, but I tried to help him.)

Those are the things I try to do now. But…again as an adult, I did things that could have hurt others: I fired bad teachers; I told parents that they were the ones that should have detention, not their children; I failed adult students taking my University classes because I didn’t give a damn if they already had degree when they didn’t do the work, etc.

How many points have I earned already? Is it enough to go to heaven? But wait a minute. How many points did Bob have before he left me?

I know that he did some bad things as a youth and as an adult.

But I also know that he did some wonderful things as a youth and as an adult.

Did one outweigh the other? Where is he now? Is he in heaven, in hell, or someplace in-between? I don’t want to go to either place – if one exists – if he is not there to greet me.

How many levels are there that are available to us when we die? Wouldn’t it be a crime to think that I qualify for level 8 only to find that Bob is on level 7? Are the levels stationery? Can we travel from one level to another.? Do we get “points” while we are on these levels? Is the ultimate goal to get to heaven? What if you don’t know anyone there? What if you get air-sick and can’t stay? Can you go someplace else besides hell?

I had a dream. Now I want some answers.

{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

avatar annagrace January 21, 2011 at 10:53 am

Someplace between heaven and hell…..New Jersey?

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avatar judi January 21, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Oh my goodness. Maybe hell is better after all!

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avatar annagrace January 21, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Judi- I can’t remember who said “If I owned hell and I owned Texas, I’d rent out Texas and live in hell.”

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avatar Zach on the side January 21, 2011 at 6:51 pm

I really like this kind of conversation! It seems to me that these (this) questions are laying under the surface just about all the time. And is this Earthly plane really heaven or hell, depending on what we make of it? What do souls do for an eternity, while playing harps or gnashing their teeth? They both sound a little hellish, and not too far apart. Does heaven have a bit of excitement we haven’t been privy to? I do believe, and that’s if one believes at all, which I do, that it comes down to the cleanness of the soul, as if the soul were a pond. And the cleanest is at the surface, where it gets more air and sun, and the grimy souls are in levels further down, colder (so cold it burns?) and amidst putrefaction. It would be assumed that a loving couple had comparably clean souls, and so would be close enough level-wise to reunite.

Before I go, I must take the opportunity to share a joke. GWB went to hell but they were full up. Satan made an exception in his case and said Bush would be able to choose which spot he wanted, and that that sinner would be excused. Bush declined to take Hitler’s place, where he’d dive into a pool and drown, repeatedly and forever. He declined Stalin’s place, where he’d sledgehammer rocks until his own bones shattered, repeatedly and forever. Then they came to Clinton’s place. He was nailed spread-eagle on the floor, and Monica Lewinsky was repeatedly and forever pleasuring him orally. Bush stepped back to consider and decided that, all things considered, this would be okay. So Satan said, “Alright, Monica, you can go.”

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avatar Patty Jones January 21, 2011 at 8:16 pm

hahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa!
love it!

Welcome back Zack

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avatar Zach on the side January 21, 2011 at 6:59 pm

In looking at the graphic of the levels of hell, I was comforted that lust was only on the second level, but was horrified that flatterers were on a level lower than murderers! Can I murder more, to overcome all the flattery I’ve committed?

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avatar Sarah January 22, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Judi,

My mind has been wandering around the concept of “error carried forward”. I hope that in life, just as in math, I get points for showing my work and if the final answer isn’t exactly right it’s only because of error carried forward.

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avatar tlrelf January 24, 2011 at 8:10 pm

I love articles like this, and the tone in which they’re written!

What’s that scientific truth? Energy never dies, it just changes form? When I tell people I’m a Buddhist and they look at me like I’m, like I’m I don’t know what, make cracks about reincarnation and enlightenment, about coming back as a chicken or a pancake, I remind them of that scientific truth.

I believe we’re all connected, and that while we’re hear for lesson-learning, we’re also here to work out issues and reconnect with loved ones. . .The next time a baby reaches for you, it may be Bob saying Hi. I really believe this. I also come from a long line of mediums, which some people tend to squawk at. But hey, this has been my reality.

Karma? Oh boy. . .here’s a favorite Buddhist saying. . .one moment of anger dispels 10,000 years of good karma. Maybe I’m misremembering that adage, but then one act of kindness–even a double cheeseburger to a stranger–is an act of kindness.

I could go on, but will stop now.

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avatar Evelyn March 2, 2012 at 2:39 am

Hey did you ever get your answer?

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avatar judi Curry March 2, 2012 at 10:18 am

Not yet!!!

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avatar Siddharth April 30, 2013 at 11:54 pm

I don’t have an answer, but I but I can recommend some reading-Vedanta philosophy-Jnana yoga by Swami Vivekananda and many masters, many lives by Dr. Brian Weiss. Thanks for the pics, they were good.

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avatar Siddharth June 26, 2013 at 7:16 am

You can try websit: http://www.rumi.net for answers. You can post your questions and Mr. Shahram Shiva will answer them. I liked it very much. But you will have to have an open mind to digest it in the seemingly unusual way it’s presented.

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avatar judi curry June 26, 2013 at 7:57 am

Thank you

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avatar Jennifer Bell March 3, 2014 at 9:37 pm

Hi… I too am a widow. My husband died on May 14,2013. Thoughts almost exactly like yours have been overtaking my brain as well. I cannot stop obsessing about where he went…if anywhere… Damn it I want answers!

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avatar judi curry March 4, 2014 at 7:56 am

Oh boy, Jennifer. I sure know what you are talking about. My two support groups still get together at least once a week – not all of us at the same time anymore – and we are still looking for the answers. I’m afraid the only way we are going to get the answers is when we “join” our missing spouses – and that is not the alternative I am seeking – at this time. But…please call, write – judicurry@cox.net – and maybe we can get together and help each other. You have a milestone coming up and I know it will not be easy. Hugs to you.

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