Newly Formed PAC for Poor People Lobbies San Diego Politicians

by on January 7, 2011 · 20 comments

in Are You Kidding?, Health, Satire

“For too long, poor people haven’t had a seat at the table in American politics,” said Newt Gingrich. “Now, thanks to their new political action committee, the voices of the poor will be heard.”

Newt Gingrich

Gingrich was speaking in his new capacity as executive director of Poor People of America, a recently formed PAC that visited San Diego to lobby local politicians. Gingrich said the group will be focused on advancing the interests of the nation’s poor and has already raised “a substantial amount of revenue.”

“It’s true that each individual poor person doesn’t have that much money to donate,” Gingrich said. “The thing is we have 47 million Americans living in poverty today, so even tiny little donations add up.”

Stanley Kozwerski, a 55-year-old roofer who has been unable to find work for more than 2 years, said he donated $60 that he saved by taking only half of his prescribed dose of hypertension medication for several months. “It’s not that politicians aren’t willing to help the nation’s poor,” said Kozwerski. “Politicians just haven’t had professional lobbyists to help guide them through the proper legislating, like they have with other issues.”

Lizzy Davenport, 7, said that after saving a portion of her weekly $1 allowance for six months, she was able to donate $12 to Poor People of America. “As a public school student from a family of average means, I donated to make sure my educational interests aren’t neglected in the political process,” said Davenport, who is in the second grade. “After all, in our democracy, money talks and bullshit walks.”

Source: opensecrets.org

For decades, as a congressman and as a lobbyist, Gingrich has called for cutbacks to virtually every type of assistance for the poor. Still, he doesn’t see any irony in his new role. “You come across a lot of strange bedfellows in Washington, D.C.,” Gingrich said. “I’m happy to have come across America’s poor.”

Documents filed by the political action committee indicate Gingrich’s annual salary will be $350,000.

“Newt is a has-been, not to mention a creep, but his rates are relatively affordable and he still knows some people,” said Davenport, the second-grader. “We need access, and he’s got access.”

Like all political action committees, Poor People of America will be free to spend an unlimited amount of money to advocate for legislation and to influence elections, as long as it doesn’t work directly with any candidates.

Brian Bilbray

Rep. Brian Bilbray (R-CA) — a lobbyist himself until being elected to Congress in 2006 — was the guest of honor at a Wednesday night cigar party thrown by Poor People of America on the Royal Hornblower. Bilbray puffed stogies and sipped cocktails with Gingrich and a team of lobbyists working to win more money for rehabilitation services for homeless people who suffer from alcoholism and drug addiction.

“It’s kind of ironic,” Bilbray said. “Just last week I had some guys from the Alcohol Distributors of America in town, advising me to vote against any ban on those single-serving shots of liquor they sell in the little plastic bottles. Now here I am, talking with other lobbyists about the folks who buy the little bottles. Small world.”

Bilbray added that “for a new PAC, the Poor People [of America] threw a great party” though he said that “the cigars were better at the Distributors’ event.”

Susan Davis

Poor People of America also sponsored a trip for Rep. Susan Davis (D-CA) and her husband to a conference on medical-bill-induced bankruptcy in St. Bart’s. Before the trip, Davis huddled in her office for two hours with Gingrich and a few of members of his team — as well as four women who recently went bankrupt due to overwhelming medical bills.

“Three of the four women actually had medical insurance but went bankrupt because of gaps in coverage,” Davis said. “And it turns out that same ratio applies to the hundreds of thousands of people who are stricken by medical-bill bankruptcies nationwide.”

Davis said she was “already aware that medical bills are busting a lot of people’s wallets” but was headed to St. Bart’s “because travel to exotic destinations helps the facts really sink in.”

{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

avatar doug porter January 7, 2011 at 10:27 am

geez, frank. you really need to start adding the snark tag to shane’s otherwise fantastic posts. some poor kids liable to actually to try & send Newt $$$

Reply

avatar Frank Gormlie January 7, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Doug, we did have the “satire” tag included …

Reply

avatar Marilyn Steber January 7, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Well, I fell for it. Shame on me!

Reply

avatar Sarah January 8, 2011 at 10:31 am

Marilyn – isn’t is sad when reality is so damned bizarre that we can no longer tell when our leg is being pulled?

Reply

avatar mike C January 7, 2011 at 10:43 am

Great piece, hits it on the head and is consistently funny, including the St. Barts bits.

In all seriousness: I have thought that a StreetPAC of working people who live under the poverty and housing line, made up even of dimes and rumpled bucks, would be great to have in San Diego. Use the tools of the oppressor-oligarchy when they are handy — why not a low-dollar, high-concept PAC?

Reply

avatar annagrace January 7, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Shane- you are our own Jonathan Swift!

Reply

avatar Jon January 7, 2011 at 1:55 pm

I’ll bet that cigar party was a lot of fun! Probably lot’s of Phillie’s blunts and “it’s a boy’s.”

Reply

avatar OBWarZone January 7, 2011 at 2:39 pm

havent had a news flash since DECEMBER 16, 2010

and Dream Street was closed, dumpster out front

Reply

avatar Crazy Guy January 7, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Newt Gingrich/Brian Bilbray 2012

PRESIDENT AND VICE PRESIDENT…….FOR LIFE !!
Bluahahahahahahahahaahahaha!!!!

Reply

avatar Marilyn Steber January 7, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Fleecing the Middle Class is not enough. Just in case there is any money left anywhere, they start in on the Poor. Bankruptcy doesn’t always mean the Poor. Millionaires use the bankruptcy law all the time and don’t lose their cars and homes.
Shame on Susan Davis for that statement. She isn’t elected to think better in St. Bart’s, which isn’t even in the USA, if I’m not mistaken. Shame to the 10th power.

Reply

avatar bodysurferbob January 7, 2011 at 4:24 pm

shane, come on man, it’s too easy to write satire, i mean anybody can make up some fantasy scenario that is funny, but unless there’s a bite to it, it just does not count. nope, sorry. you really haven’t fooled anybody, you know, and you haven’t fooled anybody you know. we realize what you’re up to here, mocking fine upstarting politico leaders and really wily champions of the american people like newtgroanage.

Reply

avatar Diane5150 January 7, 2011 at 7:01 pm

Good one!

Reply

avatar RB January 8, 2011 at 7:44 am

It is easy to see why independents and republicans don’t want to pay union dues, when you look at the chart on PAC contributions.

Reply

avatar Frank Gormlie January 8, 2011 at 10:21 am

Are we really having a debate about the value of unions on the OB Rag??

Reply

avatar RB January 8, 2011 at 2:18 pm

No, I am a retired union member. How about you?
I am sorry but I don’t consider PAC funding of campaigns progressive. Do you?

Reply

avatar Martha January 15, 2011 at 9:43 am

LOVE, Love, love this — we want a regular Shane column, We Want a Regular Shane Column, WE WANT A REGULAR SHANE COLUMN! :>)

Reply

avatar editordude January 25, 2012 at 12:03 pm

All of a sudden, it seemed very appropriate to re-post Shane’s satirical piece from almost exactly one year ago.

Reply

avatar Annie January 25, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I love Lizzy Davenport! Shane, you need to compile a book with all your stuff.

… “because travel to exotic destinations helps the facts really sink in.” Too funny!

Reply

Leave a Comment


3 + = 8

{ 2 trackbacks }

Older Article:

Newer Article: