Musings by the Widder Curry on Women Coming Out With Tales of Sexual Harassment

by on November 9, 2017 · 5 comments

in Ocean Beach, The Widder Curry

As I sat in the beauty shop the other day waiting to have my hair cut, I picked up a copy of the latest People magazine.  On the cover was a picture of Harvey Weinstein and page after page of women talking about how he had molested, raped, threatened etc.  And as I looked at the pictures – I wasn’t really interested in reading about all of their experiences – I had to sit back and reflect over my life time, because what happened to those women did not just happen to famous people; it happened, and is still happening to women all over the world.

I am getting old.  Very old.  And, in some instances, my memory is not as good as it used to be.  But it sure doesn’t take much to remember the assaults that I faced; the threats I faced; the acts foisted upon me.

And the interesting thing is that even at my age it hasn’t stopped.  It never really bothered me terribly; I accepted the “come-ons” as being a woman – a busty woman – and fielded those that I wanted to field, and toyed with those I wanted to toy with.  In fact, and this makes me a guilty person also, I remember “coming on” to one of my male teachers.  He, unlike me, handled it very well by introducing me to one of his friends!

But I digress:  I was married at 17.  I was working for the Hoover Vacuum company as their bookkeeper.  I asked for the Friday and Monday off because I was going to go Las Vegas and get married to Ed. My boss told me that I could only have the two days off if I went with him to a motel first.

I was 17; had been on my own for over a year and for a high school dropout was making damn good money.  Plus, I lived right across the street from the company so did not need a car to get to work.  But my mother had decided that she needed my room for a new boyfriend and I found my things packed up and left on the porch when I came home from work.

Interesting enough to assuage her guilt she offered Ed and I her boyfriend’s new 1956  Cadillac to go to Vegas to marry. Neither one of us had even thought of getting married – at least to each other.  But he was 25 and we had been dating for awhile, so after thinking about it decided to take her up on it.

But I have to be honest and say that I really thought about taking the boss up on his demand; after all, I was so young how was I going to find another job?  The pay was good and Ed was still working on his B.A. so the money was needed.  What did I do?  I quit.

Now let’s move ahead 1 1/2 years.  I had just had my first child and was being examined by my OB/GYN male doctor.  I told him that I wanted an IUD so that I would not get pregnant again.  After he inserted the IUD – “to see if it fit correctly” – he also inserted his finger and told me to pretend that I was having intercourse to make sure that it didn’t slip.  Dumb 18 ½ year old that I was, I did as he asked.  I remember him saying to me, “you certainly are a cold fish.”

Then Ed and I bought a home in a “bedroom community” in La Puente. Our next door neighbor was a LA County Sheriff.  Tall, good looking, and frequently found an excuse to rub up against me when his wife – or my husband – wasn’t around.  He even invited me in to view porno movies he had confiscated from actors while on the job.  And let’s face it – he was a cop and I knew some of the things he had done to people he had “arrested.”  (He – and his partners – took the people behind the rock quarry and beat the hell out of them with rubber hoses and then let them go.)  I wasn’t really afraid of him in the true sense of the word, but I knew he was not on the “up-and-up” and could cause me trouble.

Had enough?  Have I made my point? No, okay.  There’s more.

Ed decided, after he received his BA, that “no wife of mine can not have a high school diploma.”  So I went back to school, pregnant, and finished the high school year I missed.  Then Ed, in his infinite wisdom, decided to get a Master’s degree and said, “no wife of mine can’t have a Bachelor’s Degree,” so I went back to school to work on the degree.

And one of my professor’s – now deceased – told me that he could bring my “B+” to an “A” if I slept with him.  He said he was doing a research project and that would help him with his statistics. I am embarrassed to say that I did receive an “A” in the class.  I am also glad to say that he died 6 months later from an un-diagnosed case of MS!  I remember thinking that he probably never did finish his research paper.

Then I took a required class in “Nature Study” for my science requirement.  Dr. Gray, an old man then, was a fantastic teacher.  He had a Teacher’s Aid –  and in this class we were required to go on a field trip with the class and explore “nature.” As I remember we went to Gorman, a God forsaken area with trees, and mice, and kangaroo rates, etc.  Tents were provided – but imagine my surprise when I woke up to find Ken in my tent.  The nature he wanted to study was not the study that Dr. Gray had in mind.

It wasn’t just men that came on to me.  I was sitting in the faculty lounge one day when I felt someone rubbing themselves against me. I was horrified to find out that it was a female physical education teacher. And to carry it out one step more – one evening she knew that my husband – Bob by this time – was at a conference out of town. About 9:00pm the doorbell rang, and one of my daughter’s answered the door. It was this female teacher, and she said she had been in the neighborhood and had to use the bathroom real bad.  My daughter knew her so she allowed her in.

The next thing I knew someone was in bed with me, holding me.  In my sleep I thought it was Bob, but it dawned on me that he was not built like that.  I wanted to fire her on the spot, but because of the ways the laws are written, she finished out the entire school year.  I left the following year, and I believe she was there one more year until she moved to Colorado.

And one more story – not the last of what happened – but the last I will write about.  I was a Principal in a school district – will not mention which one suffice to say it was here in San Diego, and one of the Board Members told me that if I wanted to keep my job secure, I should go with him to a motel.  I consented to go out with him for drinks, but I already knew I was going to leave that district but he pestered me week after week after week.

As for the current situation: I am lonely and have been looking for a companion on many of the “on-line” dating sites.  Many of the experiences I have had are part of my 31 chapter book entitled “Liar Liar”  which I hope to finish soon and publish.  But these are, for the most part, scammers.  Except for two that have sent me pictures of their penis’, at full attention.  Perhaps men do not know that men’s penis’ do not turn women on like breasts turn on a man.  I, for one, do not see anything “pretty” or faintly attractive about a penis.  I suppose I could do a “comparison” research paper on them, but I really don’t have any interest in doing so.  Yet, in spite of all that is going on with Weinstein et al, this last male sent me his picture one week ago and said, “I bet you’d like to play with this.” (That was the end of our conversations!)

I was lamenting the above with a male friend that I can talk to freely. He made some interesting comments re: women dressing to entice a man.  I am sure that there are some women that do dress with a purpose.  I knew I was attractive; I also knew that being “big bosomed” was an attraction to men.  But I was a professional; I tried to dress professional, particularly on the school sites. The flirts and come-ons I received were an accepted thing.  Flirting was acceptable not just from my staff  but by the parents of my students. I think that some thought that I could raise grades; not give detention, etc.  Some were tempting but it was easy to say “No”.

I no more would have reported the OB/GYN doctor, or my boss at Hoover, or the other doctor or … to anyone.  Who would I reported them to? What would have been done?  And so, like the women that are finally saying something about Weinstein, it happened all the time. It is still happening.  While we have an administration that feels that women are inferior to men; while we have an administration that feels that women should not have control over their bodies we will continue to have women taken advantage of.

And let’s face it – they are many, many women that like the attention.  There are many women that are lonely.  Having a male say, “you look lovely today” is balm to their ego;  I still like to be told that I look good . There are many women that need the admiration of others; there are many women that like to get a male excited.  In today’s society it is easier to say “NO”.  In my time one did not do that for fear of retaliation.

Why I am writing this?  Because when I decided to do so I began talking to my friends and family.  And to a person each one of the women had similar stories.  They had capitulated to the male for fear of what would happen if they said anything.  Most did not have any “lasting effects” but ALL of them remembered the incidents.

There are so many more situations I remember that I haven’t talked about – the door-to-door salesman; the parking attendant at the Del Mar Race Track; the male hairdresser; the grocery clerk; the butcher,  the mechanic, etc. I am almost relieved to be able to say there was no mailman – nor milkman – in my scheme of things.

If each of us – women – were to file a lawsuit over the males that abused us, there would be no time for anything else in the courtroom. These women are to be admired for coming out with their experiences. And, for the sake of all women, I hope they are all telling the truth!

A word of advice from a Great Grandmother! Watch you daughters; give them the sex education that they must have. Don’t “pussyfoot” around with “maybe’s”; tell it like it is; support them; protect them; enlighten them.  Each one of them has a mother; don’t be ashamed – or embarrassed – to be honest.  Maybe we can save a generation of females without any interference from the male population.

And let me just say one thing:  I know that men are raped and abused also.  My own step-son was seduced by a doctor’s son just down the street from where we live.  It happens, but not as often as it does to a woman.  Let’s educate all – male and female.  Maybe we will have a little more respect for the female body and homo sapiens totally.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

avatar Nancy November 9, 2017 at 3:27 pm

Thanks for being so truthful about your journey, Judi. I hope there will be a real wonderful person that will come into your life soon.

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avatar judi November 9, 2017 at 4:18 pm

Thanks Nancy.

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avatar Pam Clarken November 9, 2017 at 9:04 pm

Better to be alone than wish you were!

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avatar giacomo November 10, 2017 at 7:49 am

can not WAIT for LIAR LIAR. you are a gifted writer that actually tells the TRUTH. What a talent, what brilliance. ty.

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avatar judi November 10, 2017 at 10:25 am

Thank you very much!

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