GOP Convention Hot Flashes

by on September 2, 2008 · 0 comments

in Election

As hurricane Gustav bears down of the gulf coast, the storm surge is being felt all the way up in St Paul , Minnesota where the Republicans are now looking at a scaled down convention. GOP planners have realized that having George Bush’s face on the TV addressing delegates might just stir up memories of the administration’s oft-criticized handling of Hurricane Katrina, where 1800 people died, Or perhaps the memories of what Bush was actually doing as the storm hit (celebrating John McCain’s birthday) convinced Convention planners that it might be a good idea to blow off Monday night’s agenda.

Of course it could also be that McCain knows that some enterprising reporter will bring to light his votes against legislative proposals that would have actually funded relief efforts in the aftermath of Katrina. Or that the Republicans are embarrassed by the “instant karma” implications of their parade getting rained on after their evangelical allies posted an online video urging people to pray for rain on the final night of the Democratic Convention.

Whatever the reason is, the GOP won’t be getting the kind of action in the news media for their convention that the democrats did last week.  McCain is threatening to accept the nomination via satellite so he can stay near the news media, who are currently pulling out of St. Paul faster than you can say “Ron Paul”.

There will be a semblance of a convention, if for no other reason than to let all the also-rans from this spring’s primaries have their fifteen minutes of face time.  Former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani, who failed to win even a single delegate, will be honored with the task of giving the keynote address, which will consist of a noun, a verb, a derogatory adjective or two about democrats and the phrase “9/11”.

Some delegates will have a hard time enjoying the festivities, no matter who the speakers are.  The Illinois delegation has—no doubt because of rumored past bi-partisan relationships with Barack Obama—been given seats all the way at the back of the floor, right in front of American Samoa.

For those who cannot find a quick ticket out of the Twin Cities, there will be plenty of action elsewhere in the region. For my money (and Jon Stewart’s over at the Daily Show), no visit to the area is complete without a tour of the infamous Larry Craig restroom out by the airport. (Come on, click the Jon Stewart link…you know you want to…)  Kudos to the Daily Show also for buying the billboard on I-494 that greets incoming Republicans with the message “Welcome, rich white oligarchs!”

Now that you’ve seen the best, let’s tour the rest.

The local law enforcement community was thrilled to announce over the weekend that police raids on hippie crash pads completely justified the $50 million in Federal funding they’d received.  According to the search warrant, police were seeking “stolen or embezzled” “urine and feces” that might be in the possession of “anarchists” planning on disrupting the convention.

For those of you concerned that Thursday night’s NFL season opener between the Redskins and Giants would be pre-empted by McCain’s acceptance speech, rest assured that the NFL has moved the game’s starting time back to 4pm (Pacific Time) so that no important pronouncements or plays will be missed.  The Redskins will lose, anyway.

There are TWO other major happenings in the Twin Cities this week that might be of interest.  Congressman Ron Paul, whose libertarian pronouncements and unorthodox supporters embarrassed the GOP during the primary season, has NOT been invited to speak at the Convention.  So he’s throwing his own little affair across town with 10,000 or so of his closest followers.  Look for an all-star lineup including: Gov. Jesse “The Body” Ventura , Barry Goldwater, Jr., Tucker Carlson, country singer Sara Evans and Dr. Ron himself.

Not to be out-done by the Congressman, candidate Ralph Nader will be hosting his own “Super Rally” at Minneapolis’ Orchestra Hall on Thursday evening, hoping to shame the news media into “opening the debates” so he can get his fifteen minutes of fame this fall and give the Democrats somebody to blame should they loose the election.

As for me, I’ll be following the coverage on MSNBC, hoping that their crew completely melts down following the titanic clash of on screen egos that occurred in Denver last week.

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