“A New Wrinkle in the Face of Things” – A New Years Resolution

Before or after.

Lets “face” it. My husband has been gone over seven years and for the past 6 of those years I have tried to find a new companion.

I lost 100 pounds; I grew my hair long – I’ve since cut it -; dyed my silver-gray hair brown – I’ve since gone back to being a blond; and put back some of  the poundage I lost. And although I have met several men, none of them were “Mr. Right” – and many of them have been “Mr. Wrong”, as evidenced by the book I am writing entitled, “Liar, Liar.”

So I have tried everything that I know what to do to attract a man with no success. I even have been in a passive relationship, where I have pretended to know nothing so that HE could be the dominant one. That didn’t work either.

What must be the problem? I asked myself. And lo and behold, one day when I was looking in the mirror and saw my mother looking back at me, I had the answer. I was looking OLD! Where did all those wrinkles and lines come from? They weren’t there the last time I looked in the mirror – or were they? My goodness. You could draw a map on my face by following the lines. Help! What could I do about that?

After or before.

Just about that time I heard a commercial touting a cosmetic that would rid me of those aging wrinkles – and, guess what? It was free. All I had to do was pay the shipping cost of $4.95! I hounded the mailbox everyday until it arrived. And I began using it – daily – for 30 days. And when I looked in the mirror, I was astounded to see – my mother still looking back at me.

Well, I said to myself, maybe it was just that product that didn’t work, so I tried another, and another, and another, and my mother is still in my bathroom mirror. I have spent a fortune on trying to rid myself of my wrinkles and my mother! Some people said it “adds character.” I’m enough of a character that I do not need more characterization. Others have said that I have a beautiful complexion even with the lines. I don’t care about my complexion if I look 100 years old! My mother had plastic surgery so many times that I lost count. But I am a coward when it comes to pain and really not vain enough to go through surgery anyway. I am going to post a “before” and “after” picture. See if you can tell which is which after trying 6 different formula’s.

Some of the products used.

I even tried something that I know my physician would frown upon. I thought that losing all that weight might have been the reason for the lines and wrinkles. So I purposely put on 10 pounds to see if the lines would disappear. They didn’t. Now I have to worry about losing the extra weight and I still have the wrinkles. And now I will probably have more when I lose the extra weight.

So for my New Year’s resolution I am going to try and find a cartographer that will find my lines beautiful and challenging. I am hoping that he is between the ages of 65-76; handsome; honest; single; straight; willing to compromise when needed; likes to eat in as well as out; a good handyman; likes to garden, and is financially solvent. And, if I am lucky, have poor eyesight. Any help from you would be greatly appreciated.

Ah well, let’s FACE it, people. It ain’t gonna happen.

Happy New Year – and may all your resolutions come true.