By Judi Curry
This should not be construed as a “poor me” article. It isn’t meant to be seen that way; rather it should be an insightful message to those more fortunate to have people around them that care, that are concerned, and are aware of mental status.
The Fourth of July. It used to be such a fun day when my husband was alive. We did all of the things that people do on the fourth; BBQ, watch the fireworks, and, when legal, even had our own show. Frequently we would take the boat out and catch some fish for homemade ceviche or sushi.
He’s been gone almost seven years now and the Fourth of July is only another day; a day of keeping my dog calm because of the assh*les that insist on shooting off fire crackers all day by the beach. Shadow doesn’t mind the fireworks – Sea World in their infinite wisdom of continuing with their polluting noisy 9:50 pm show – has allowed him to become somewhat immune to the percussion’s he feels every evening. Oh yeah, he still tries to get away from it, but he is much better than my other dogs that tried to get under the carpet to hide.
No, this is not about Shadow, but about all of the lonely people that have no one to celebrate with.
The pain of hearing what a great time can be had by all; the angst of having no one to share the day with; the despair of knowing that in celebrating our great country there is no one to share it with. The veterans that fought to help keep this country great are sleeping on the streets and fear that some idiot will come by and throw gasoline on them and set them on fire.
The knowledge that if it wasn’t for the monies they will receive from collecting all the empty cans after tonight’s festivities that they might not have a meal to eat tomorrow, when all around them tonight are the smells of barbecuing meats. The realization that once before, in another life, they, too, participated in the celebration.
This is about the depression that comes so often when a person is ignored to the extent of almost being invisible.
This is about the “have nots” in contrast to the “haves.”
This is about the lack of compassion; the “man’s inhumanity to man” that we hear so much about. Yeah, these people are mad. Much of that “madness” is justified; a lot of it isn’t.
But maybe we should try to be more understanding of the lonely person sitting on the wall; maybe instead of dumping that last piece of meat in the trash that we offer it to a veteran not as a “handout” but as a genuine gesture of compassion.
Maybe we should not be quite so self-centered and stretch our vision to the periphery of life. You know why? Someday we might be in their shoes – or sleeping bag.
Someday we may yearn for a friendly smile; someday we may wish that someone else had stretched their hand out to us. Someday.
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
I can’t imagine how tough it must be to carry on without your best friend by your side. I’m sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. However, I want to offer some advice.
I recently posted on the Social Ocean Beach Facebook page (and other outlets) inviting anyone and everyone who did not have someone to celebrate the 4th with, to our backyard party on Niagara. Of course the comments were filled with heart emoticons and “d’aww”s but not a single lonely person took me up on the offer. We had about 25 close friends over, all of whom are open to making new friends, so it would’ve been a great opportunity for anyone to meet & greet… yourself included.
I guess my point is, that you can focus on the negatives and wish things were different but that is a downward spiral. No one is going to come pluck you out of your living room and change your life overnight. Speaking from experience, to make real, substantial life changes involves putting yourself out there, actively seeking new friends, and being optimistic that you can change your situation.
If you’re lonely, depressed, suicidal, or whatever, send me an email. Let’s just talk.
Thank you, Elliott, for your insightful message. Lonely is something I live with daily; and sometimes that goes into a depression. Suicidal I am not. The old saying that the “first step is the hardest” may be why no one showed up at your party. Your gesture, and the one from Alix are to be commended. Next holiday I may seek you out to see what you have plans. But…can I bring Shadow?
Dogs, cats, emus, anacondas… all are welcome at Casa Blackwood ;)
My emu is too big for the car. But I’ll remember about the dogs!
Hi Judi, you sound a little depressed! We have an annual potluck on the 4th of July and you are warmly invited. Just show up next year. 7pm.
Where is your potluck planned? And the same question that I asked Elliott – can I bring Shadow? Just can’t leave him alone with all the firecrackers being set off. Thank you for your offer.
One of my Toy Poodles started showing signs of something called Cushing’s Disease, which is overabundance of adrenaline, more or less. I discovered a natural herb, called Holy Basil/Tulsi (about $8 a bottle) and her symptoms have pretty much disappeared. I take it, too. Very calming and effective. Amazing, stuff.
Did you get it at the Ob herbal store?
Nope. Amazon and/or ebay. From what I’ve read, it can also be used as an alternative to Medical Mj. Take heed though, it can have a diuretic effect. So go slow.
~Sorry, didn’t mean to disregard the point of your story.
No problem. Appreciate the information.
I know your feeling all too well. I congratulate you on the fortitude required to write your story. My holidays are very similar, but my situation involves a once-strong family right here in the Point Loma-Mission Hills area that has gradually disintegrated into alienation over some petty actions and remarks. Once enjoyable holidays are now, for me, only “another day” as you said. As a fellow writer, I have many “acquaintances,” but when social situations arise, I’m not in the mix. It takes more than that to be a “friend” in my book. My theory of why I’m not invited: 1) I’m single. And 2) I don’t drink. I’ve learned to deal with this, and now don’t think twice about eating alone in a restaurant on a holiday. But that’s still not my first choice!
Scott, tried to send you a private message but it came back. Has your email changed. Sent it to Yahoo
It came through! Did you receive my response?
Yes. I did get it and the email note too.
Midnight. Are you an insomniac too?
Maybe we should start a club, OB Outcasts. Meet up on holidays and throw our own parties.
Judi,
Sorry about Shadow’s reaction to July 4 fireworks. Our 2 year old Havanese – Lola accompanied us on our neighborhood walk to Lucinda & Bangor . She sat calmly on wife Terry’s lap enjoying the attention she received prior to the 9P fireworks over The Bay. During the show she sat quietly comfortable with her surroundings and Terry’s assurances that she was part of the celebration. I also carry many thoughts of the less advantaged, the terminally ill and those who are alone. In an earlier life I was the caregiver to my terminally ill girlfriend. She wouldn’t marry because of “the burden.” Regardless I was with her until her end day. That experience did not define me; I hold it as a very significant chapter in my life’s experience. You may be lonely, but I believe you are not alone. You have your pets, folks who appreciate your blog and engage with you and, as if this post 4th response shows, many willing to acknowledge your comments and reply.
Thanks Ed. This was the first time that Shadow reacted to the noise. It was frightening feeling his heart beat so fast.
I forgot who said that “loneliness is the saddest part of the English language.” It is sad, but fortunately for me I can overcome it. Sometimes it just takes a little longer.
This is a great community. Thank you.
What a great thread…it looks like an a**hole with firecrackers (and yes, I read the posts last night) will end up being the catalyst for some great new friendships and alliances for quite a few!
Many animals were in bad shape as a result of the fireworks:
http://www.cbs8.com/story/32378458/more-than-50-dogs-being-housed-at-san-diego-animal-shelters-due-to-fireworks
I am always happy to come visit you and Shadow :-). And will come
visit soon :-)
I had a neighbor on WPL that made a tradition every year of going to TJ and smuggling back all the illegal fireworks he could carry. I can attest he was indeed an ass****.